Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Phrases to Watch Out for on School Tours?

Hello all,

Recent newbie to the world of gifted with highly gifted sensitive daughter with sensory processing dysfunction and who is apparently an extreme introvert and visual spatial learner.

Am on a school hunt as her current placement now seems inappropriate and teacher not fully on board with the world of gifted.

Had an interview today with a beautiful school with great facilities, and that prides itself on its challenging academic curriculum and IB middle school. That said, when speaking with the preschool age director and admissions two statements stood out. When I asked if they had experience working with other gifted children she responded with, "well...all children are brilliant." Another moment was with admissions when she said that they don't do assessment at 4 because it is really too early to tell.

Are these things to watch out for? How serious should I consider these comments. We are struggling to find a place for her and this was the first school I found that even seemed like an option and a match in a number of ways.

Thanks for any advice and also any other phrases I should avoid as I make my way around...!

Follow your gut instinct. I think their comments are red flags. In my experience as a parent who shopped many schools, and as a professional working with CSTs, comments like these mean that these folks don't really understand truly gifted children. After several trial and errors (public & private schools) we have finally found a school where we believe they get it. For the first time since this journey began I found myself in agreement with the folks there on what a gifted child like mine needs. I left our last conference speechless as they just seem to really get it. It was an amazing feeling.
Not testing for giftedness in pre-school is pretty normal around here. Because I have inside knowledge of how many educators operate, I had my DS7 privately tested at age 4. This way I would have proof that I wasn't just another mom claiming her kid is gifted. Educators commonly brush off parents with these comments bc they are ignorant about giftedness.
I would keep looking. Best of luck and welcome aboard! :-)

In our school search just over a year ago, I was able to get a vibe of the school pretty quickly. Some of the good schools focused on individualized education and progressing children at their own pace. Others had the "all children are gifted in their own way" talk right off the bat, which I thought was odd. Yes, every child is special and have strength and weaknesses, but I wanted to know how they would be able to educate a HG+ child.

I avoided the word "gifted" even though that is a word the schools used. I also did not say that my child was "bored" or anything negative about the current situation. My usual explanation was that she was progressing through standard curriculum quickly and was looking for additional challenge or a faster pace of learning. I brought her achievement and group IQ test scores as I didn't have a WISC done at that time. Some schools asked for the info, others could care less.

When we met with the gifted coordinator at our current school, everything clicked immediately. HE was the one explaining what gifted children needed in their education and the philosophy of the school. I didn't have to advocate for my child, he advocated for her. I was on cloud 9 when he offered to test her IQ for free through the school system to find out her unique circumstances. Over a year later, I have a happy child who can't wait for summer to end so she can start middle school.

I hope you find a good fit for your child.

Jen

Thanks for all your responses. They are extremely helpful. I have been experimenting using the term gifted and seeing what the reactions are. It is interesting because at yet another school I visited today, that is a member of a gifted association, had some hesitation with engaging with those concepts. When we asked why the school joined the association she said that many of their kids are gifted so she felt it was important to recognize them. The director talked about her experience working with children with special needs and gifted children. I understand they are often lumped together if an educator is lucky enough to have training at all.

So, this framing is very helpful. I will follow this good advice that asks the right questions without triggering human fears and beliefs about acceptance and equality in the world!

The previous "red flag" school is really warm and inviting to us even if we are not the typical parents that might choose this school. That said, two other schools are ready to place my daughter in kindergarten as they ability group. So I think we are narrowing our choice...

I am still struggling though with being able to articulate to teachers and school administrators the differences between bright/smart and gifted. Any framing on that one? ;-)

Well I'm not sure this will be helpful to you, but we just removed our son from a private school for "gifted and academically advance" children. He was there for Pre-K and K. They assured us they fully understood the needs of gifted children but couldn't specifically articulate what those needs were. I heard several times "all children are gifted with the right attention and resources." That should have made my alarm bells go off.

Instead, we stuck it out two years and a LOT of cash. Meetings upon meetings yielded us the "you push him too hard" or "we go out not up" or "we've never had a Kindergartener who could actually read, usually they just memorize".

Val has a really good and funny post somewhere about what the fancy brochures really mean. I wish I would have known that in advance! We're moving our HG son to 1st grade at a charter school with the IB primary years curriculum instead.

Yep. That's exactly why we found better luck at the charter school. The private school was clearly prepared to deal with MG kids and those working 1 year above grade level. My K'er who started reading at a 3rd grade level was a huge anomaly for them.

Instead, our public charter was more than open about what they could and couldn't and would and wouldn't do. We didn't hear nearly as many buzz words or scary phrases from them! I appreciated their honesty when they told us they ability group for reading but they are unlikely to find a true academic peer for my son. They followed that by saying they won't totally individualize his reading projects but they'll give him some good, not extra, stuff. We'll see how it all goes together in practice, I've become skeptical!

I agree with everyone else...I have heard the comment "all children are gifted" so many times I feel like banging my head against the wall....

love the comment, "Don't you envy the parents who sign their kids up for the local school without a second thought, knowing that their kids will do fine"

GOD YES....when we went in yesterday to finally take the plunge of attempting school again after a year of homeschooling, as DS6 and I were walking in, this happy-go-lucky family with 2 kids came out all smiles without a care in the world with their registration papers while I felt like throwing up on the sidewalk out of stress if this will be a good fit to meet my little guy's needs.

Welcome Branwen - so glad we are here for you and you found us - yippee!

Here's my hint: Don't listen to anything that the 'talking people' have to say. Insist on sitting in on a classroom. Insist on having their expert teachers sit down with your child and see what they can elicit from her, and what they say about what they observed. You want to see if they can 'see' her, and what they might do with her.

I like the idea of saying Gifted just to see what color they turn, but I think it's much better to just be specific and say, 'For reading she recently enjoyed XXXXXXXX, and in math she just finish learning XXXXXXX. People think that I'm pushing her because of XXXXXXX but she's the one who is pushing me. What can one do with a child like that?

Best Wishes,
Grinity

I've heard this stuff at so-called schools for the gifted, too. I asked a question once about acceleration among kids my son's age (8 at the time). The reply was "There's no difference between them at that age."

It's all a big bummer.



Yeah, some kids have a way of memorizing books they've never seen before. It's a great parlor trick.


Here it is. Glad you liked it. I wish I'd known that stuff in advance, too. See, writing tongue-in-cheek stuff like that is therapeutic.



Val

"We've never had a Ker who could actually read, usually they just memorize???????"

HUH? someone said that? WOW!