Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Please tell me I'm not crazy . . . .

I'm a bit of a board hog today because I'm off and thinking about all this stuff.

Even though I've been dealing with schools and these issues for 1.5 years now, I still wonder if I'm nuts. I alternate between thinking that I need to find some specific educational program to give my kids the chance to avoid underachievement, boredom, and impostor syndrome and thinking that I have really focused way too much on these issues and why should it matter so much?

I do a lot of this double-thinking as well. I think that there are many of us gifted kids who were bored in school, but found plenty to keep us entertained. We were smart and interested and used the spare time we had from not being challenged to learn all sorts of things that interested us or participate in things we would maybe not have otherwise done (I, for example, was in charge of fruit cake sales for the honor society and took tap dancing lessons!). Then when we got to college, it was like a whole new world opened to us and we were very happy. I, frankly, don't think DH or I were really harmed from our lack of challenge. We went to top ranked graduate schools and are thriving in our fields.

But I know pleny of people who were harmed--they became frustrated and angry at school and eventually the world. They felt completely mis-understood. Because they couldn't concentrate in school, they actually decided they weren't smart. They dropped out and continue to carry the scars with them well into adulthood. In the right atomosphere I think many of these people would have thrived and gone on to be at least happier if not more productive. This waste makes me very sad and angry myself.

We each need to look at our kid and our unique situation and decide what is best. I have one of the happiest, most resiliant kids you can imagine. He is an extrovert who can advocate for himself really well. And I have school that recognizes DS's talents and doesn't balk at subject acceleration. The psychologist who tested him a few years ago said that we had about the happiest kid he had ever seen. He said, because he is gifted, he is at risk for getting bored and turning off to school, especially without any grade skips. So he asked us to watch him carefully for any signs of problems. He said for a kid whose baseline was so happy, it wouldn't take much of a change in attitude to signal there was a problem. So we watch and wait. We haven't seen problems and we have not made many changes, but I keep an eye on this board and see what people are doing because I want to be ready to act swiftly if there is a problem. I don't want to lose my happy kid to anger and despair--it would be a huge waste! And many of the parents on this board can tell you that once the damage is done, it's hard to undo.

Hey, What about Dorothy?
J - I can hear you, dressed as Dorothy Gale saying:
"Oh, I don't think there's anything in that black bag for me."

See Below for more setup:

Tin Man
Oh, Oh, it ticks! Listen! Look, it ticks!Lion
Read - read what my medal says. Courage! Ain't it the truth!Dorothy
Oh - oh they're all wonderful.Scarecrow
Hey, what about Dorothy?
Dorothy
Oh, I don't think there's anything in that black bag for me.Wizard
Well - you force me into a cataclysmic decision.
The only way to get Dorothy back to Kansas is for me to take her there myself!
Dorothy
Oh! Oh, will you? Could you? Oh! Oh, but are you a clever enough wizard to manage it?
Wizard
Child, you cut me to the quick! I'm an old Kansas man myself, born and bred -
in the heart of the western wilderness, premier Baloonist, highest class.
And in that balloon, my dear Dorothy, you and I will return to the Land of E Pluribus Unum!


J -
I'm just not a clever enough Wizard to manage this question of yours.
BUT -
I have faith in you. You are the one who knows your children best. You heart is the place where the prayers for guidance from the source of true Wisdom comes. You are going to have to make the compromises and do the best you can with what you have.

All I can suggest is

1)that you read your old posts to see what you have learned and what still bothers you.
2) that you spend time with normal children your childrens' age and in the classrooms.
3) remember that the adults you see function are often doing what they do best, and have had years of time to practice, and heavy motivation to do so. So it is natural for them to look smart. Most adults run fast from any thing they aren't good at.
4)You have seen that a good teacher in a supportive school can make a huge difference. If you could count on getting this at your "any decent public school" I would say, well, golly dear, get over yourself. That has not been my personal experience in a highly rated, highly spoken of public school. Anything that meant going outside of the age-mate classroom was not going to be availible to my child. We switched to private school. They offered a grade skip, AND a further Math Acceleration. Opps, the Math class meets during half of his history class - well that won't be a problem for him. Well it was, and 3 months later he was back with his grade mates, embarrassed, but at least not flunking History.

You won't ever make the right choice because the right choice doesn't exist. You can do the best you can with the resources you have. Yes there does have to be a point were you say enough is enough. Here's an example from last nights dinner table:

DH: My co-worker says her son has a Robot building club at his Middle School. They are doing great and going to competitions and in the newspapaer.
Me: Oh how cool, that must be FLL, lego leauge!
DH: Do they offer that club at your school?
DS: Yes they do. It's called the Social Suicide Club. ((sarcastically))
Me: Oh that's too bad. I guess a larger school has more kids and some of them are more likely to like things like Lego Leauge.


Was I thinking - "Ut Oh, how is he going to make friends when in his view his school is so anti-intellectual? Did I pick the wrong school for him? What a shame!" Sure I was thinking that. Am I willing to let this negative sour me on the school overall? No Way! Although part of me feels that I Shoulddrive him an hour each way per day so he could go to a school with like-minded kids, he is learning how to learn. He does have friends. He does see YSP friends outside of school. Enough is Enough! He likes his school. It isn't perfect.

Your children are so young, and you have done really well so far. You have learned how to advocate for them, learned how they react in various situations. You have the resource of YSP (ask your Family Consultant, and the email lists to dig up name of testers for you, ok?)
You are so far ahead of me, not realizing what was going on until 3rd grade, after a wicked bottoming out in 2nd grade. What ever path you take will have good qualities and bad qualities, but if we all walk together, I think we'll be ok.

FWIW, I worry more about your ds2 (sib to YSP son) who reminds me more of my son. I'm afraid he won't put up with "baby work." Just a hunch....

Also - I speculate that if you had survived your childhood fully intact, you wouldn't be second guessing yourself so much now.

Smiles,
Trinity

Now this is too wierd. Sorry to interject in a serious thread, but on one of the other threads when you guys were all renaming yourselves and others
I so had Trinity pegged as "the Wiz"
after all the wisdom stuff.

oh aunty em......
I'm just not in Kansas anymore.

guess that makes me the scarecrow

OOH! Could I be the Wicked Witch of the West? I do a dead-on wicked witch laugh in real life! It scares the fool out of DS3--he cries when I do the laugh because he thinks Mommy has suddenly become evil, so I can't do it around him at all.

Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! And your little DOG, too!

On a more serious note, I have all the same worries about doing "it" wrong. Maybe more worries, even, since we're home schooling now. That means that if DS6 is getting screwed up, it really is all my fault!

I think we all go through this questioning and re-questioning of whether it's productive, worthwhile, necessary to drive ourselves batty over the kids' education and needs. Yes, we survived and at least my parents barely gave my educational needs a second thought...Maybe it's because we thought things could have been better for us that we make the effort for our kiddos. I hate:

1. Hearing from others, "Let kids just be kids..."
2. Inference of "that's what we've always done and it's worked for everyone else...just look at ___ (gifted child who has 'succeeded').
3. Feeling like others see me as "pushy mom" when I'm really taking the lead from my kids (because I definitely could find other things to entertain myself and don't particularly revel in being thought of in that way)
4. Recent counselor's concern about being more worried about my kid being "normal" and not a geek (isn't that beyond her purvue?--besides, my kid is VERY cool and non-geekish, trend-setting, self-confident, fashionable, latest music, etc...if she only got to know him a little and didn't stereotype smart, accelerated kids)
5. My own inability to relax about it and not plague myself with worry about each kid's needs

My own education was lacking. Public schools in Philadelphia had whole months of strikes, not to mention the dozens of days I skipped school because it was boring--and still graduated 9th of over 400. Of course I was up to no good when I skipped...my DH was similarly engaged across the country--so that's why I think it IS worthwhile and necessary to be addressing educational deficiencies for our kids.

(Does this make sense or does it sound like babble? It's early in this time zone and I'm not sure I'm awake yet--but still fiery about the issues!)

I think figuring out how to balance "letting kids be kids" and "letting gifted kids pursue their interests and develop their gifts" is REALLY hard! Almost mutually exclusive, at least much of the time, since gifted kids are often quite different in their needs and wants than the ND kids, upon whom that "let kids be kids" mantra is based.

I'm utterly ignoring my kids right this second, and they took it upon themselves to make Transformer masks. It's a whole big art project THING, and I *sure* didn't initiate it. You should see my kitchen! As you say, vegetating in front of the TV and doing nothing just isn't something they're going to tolerate for very long...No hothousing. Just THEM!

You're doing great. You're asking normal questions for someone in your position. You're doing the best you can do.

Ain't it maddening?!?

Amen! The fact that ND kids would never think of those sorts of things without being pushed doesn't mean ours don't think of them on their own.

That's when I realize just how different these GT kids think than ND kids...