Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy DD having issues

Now that summer is here we thought we were "in the clear" with some of our daughter's issues....we were wrong.

A quick background: our now 6 y/o was diagnosed with "gifted hyperlexia"....tested out of 2nd grade (that's the highest they tested)

The other day, our almost 3 y/o brought me a book of US states....as I would say them he'd repeat me.....and our daughter heard all this. She flipped out that he was smarter than her....cried...and pulled out FOUR different maps and began studying them....then the entire weekend beat herself up over the worry if he's smarter....ranted that she HAS to be the smartest...

She puts this pressure on herself that just blows are minds....I mean she's 6....besides reassuring her she's smart....that everyone is smart in their own way etc....I have to say I don't know how to help her deal with this. When school was in session we had a great child psychologist we were working with....I'll probably end up trying to contact her next week.

But has anyone dealt with this? I don't know what to do or say....and she won't let it go. I just hate seeing her pressure herself this way....

Again....I'm so happy to have this board....so many who understand YAY!

Thanks:)

Becky

It's good that you're addressing this because even if her brother isn't smarter than she is, someone will be!

Have you tried asking her a hypothetical question: What would happen if someone (or her brother) is smarter than she is? Maybe you will get to the root of her anxiety that way.

When my son compares himself to his older sister and says things like "I'm stupid! I'm no good at <fill in the blank>" We talk about how being smart is not the same as knowing everything. That being smart is more about how a person learns things. Also, that everyone can learn things, and people learn different things at different rates. We try to emphasize that if a person wants to be good at something, that is going to take effort and practice whether that person is "smart" or not.

And of course, we try to remind him that we love him whether or not he is smart.

i similar issuse with my 4yr old daughter she is a major perfectionist and when she doesnt get things right she will go in her room and ill hear her crying and saying things like "its all my fault" or "im not good enough" and when i go in and ask if everything is okay she stops as i come in and says oh im fine....which is weird

she also one time heard me telling her little brother (2.9yrs old) how smart it was of him to figure somthing out (cant remember exactly what he had done) and she cut in with "but im smarter then him right?" and i said well yes but ONLY because you are older then him some day he may be smarter then you she got furiously angry at me and i said " there will always be people who are smarter then you honey no one is perfect" and she got even more upset that she was somehow infirer to all these smarter people..

we are christians and so i tell her that no one but Jesus was evr perfect and that he was God so she will never be perfect....

lol now when i tell her no one is perfect shes reminds me "Jesus was"

I'm sorry your DD is struggling right now. It's heartbreaking to see our children put themselves down or tie themselves into knots. Our DS has a tendency to compare himself to others and cries that he is stupid (or that he's stupid at whatever his task is), when something isn't going as well as he thinks it should. He becomes extremely upset and difficult to calm down. One response we've adopted is, "You're not stupid at it, you're new at it. That isn't the same thing". It seems to help. I realize that doesn't address your overall situation, but thought I'd share it in case it comes in handy with your DD.
Sending good thoughts your way,
Tam

As a mother of a child who is a perfectionist, with at least one possible overexcitability, we use this same approach which works WONDERS!!! DS5 is so super sensitive and will start the whole "nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I'm going to eat a worm" thing at the drop of a hat if DD3 proves to be just slightly better than him at something (or anyone else for that matter). And reminding him of the above really helps a lot!