Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Questions about school and 'Santa'

Hi there,

I would like to ask your opinion on two topics:

1. DD says she is bored at the school. She is completely lacking any enthousiasm about it (except for gym class). I spoke with the teacher and she said that DD look quite ok and was not aware that she was so unhappy. The teacher then talked to DD to see what she dislike of the school and DD said that all the activities were 'too difficult'. I have noticed that at home she does not like to try new things if she does not succeded in the first atempt.

She is not reading yet and only counts until 6 so it is not the typical boredom of already knowing all the curriculum.

Teachers thinks is lack of self-esteem and she is going to give simpler tasks that she can certainly do to boost her self-esteem.

I know she does not have a high self-esteem but giving her simpler task, mmm, I am not certain it is the best way.

What do you think is going on?

Ah! She is in a Montessori school, with kids aged 4 to 6. She is 4 yr and 4 months old now. Homeschooling is not an option - not legal here simply.
If she would be more academically advaced I would push for acceleration, but right now does not make any sense.



2. Second question: she does not believe in Santa, or 'Sinterklaas' (the Dutch equivalent of Santa), but she does prentend she does. She already made the remark at 2.5 yr old that 'Sinterklaas was when Mama and Papa have hidden presents in the cabinet under the stairs...'
If I explain to her the origing of the traditon, will she understand that she should not tell the other children in her class? What is your experience in this respect?

TIA!

This may be a bit of my recent problems contributing to my thoughts here. For 2e children (my own in particular) montessori may not be a good fit. Your comment about giving easier work to build self-esteem makes me very nervous. My son was in a montessori program for 2 years. The solution to all of his problems according to the school was to keep him doing simple work until he did it perfectly for several weeks at a time to build self esteem. What this did was actually destroy his remaining self confidence and convince himself that he was "stupid". He actually regressed rather than learned. His achievement level scores in Math at age 5 put him at the 6.5 grade level. This past summer(age 8) he scored at the 3.8 level on the Math Fluency subset.

On the Sinterklaas topic. At age 4, my son refused to sit on Santa's lap for pictures since it was a stranger dressed up like Santa. "And Mom, you always tell me not to go with strangers or tell them my name." Well at that point we were pretty sure that he had a handle on the truth about Santa. So we talked alot of about the magic of Christmas and how being a "santa" helped to make the season brighter for all of us. We really stressed that everyone should be able to enjoy the "magic" in their own way. If that meant that they completely believed in the Man in the Red Suit then he needed to go along with them. We also got into a lot of religious conversations but since I'm sure all of us have a lot of different views I'll not go into those

Hi!

Yes, I live in The Netherlands, but I am not Dutch! Ik spreek een betje Nederlands... but not much because here everybody speaks English.

Actually, DD is like that, 'all or nothing'. I used to say that she is like a computer with a demo software. She shows you what she could do, but doesn't do it, until one day the full software is charged, and then within a few days it works perfectly. She did that for the potty training, going from diapers full time to no diapers in one day. Or going up and down the stairs: she refused to do it properly for a long time until one day she said 'I am a big girl' and went down just like that.


I have been thinking and another factor that may contribute to the perceived difficulty of the activities by DD is that she may not know what is the purpose of it and how it does connect with other activities. I think she may need the global picture.

If Montessory may not be the best option, then which one would be? Homeschooling here is not legal.

Anyway, I did not like either the idea of giving her easier task. I think I have to talk again with the teacher. Fortunately she is very open and genuinly interested in helping DD.


Actually my concern is if she would understand that she should not speak about this to her classmates and why.

Isa - you are wise, wise, wise to ask before you tell. Things didn't go well in our house. I didn't have this forum. I didn't have any idea that DS (or DH or myself) were particularly gifted. I thought that as long as we had faults, that we must not be so different. We certianly all have faults at my house!

This was a very big issue for us, as we don't celebrate Christmas or "Do Santa," and DS11 came home from preschool aged 3 asking,

"if Santa comes to bring presents to all the good children why doesn't he bring presents to me?"

If I had had more slack, and more sense, I would have make a joke: done a funny voice and said "Because you are very very bad" and started to play tickle-monster games.

Or perhaps I could have said "What do you think dear?" about a thousand times.

But, I started in with the various holidays, which one is ours, and that really (I don't want to say in case some of you leave your screen open and your child walks by and accidentally learns the truth)

Note - I think that if I had known my own sense as a gifted person at the time, I would have understood my own outraged sense of injustice better, and been able to handle this better.

Well, I would have thought that a child mature enough to ask the question would be mature enough not to embarrasse me socially by keeping his mouth closed. Acutally, even after the conversation about "somethings we only talk about at home" at 3 and 4, DS just couldn't resist torturing the other kids with his inside knowledge. He found it very amusing. I was mortified. It is strange how these little ones who speak and reason in such an adultlike way still have facets of their personality that are age appropriate. By 5 he had learned to not upset everyone in this fashion, but had learned many other ways to cause a stir. I was so grateful. By 5, also, he found it very very upsetting that the other parents were "tricking their children." Again I tried to explain the other perspective, but my DS is very fond of his own perspective.

I recently read that ages 11-14 bring a strengthening to a child's ability to see things from multiple perspectives, so I'm hoping to see this development. Then I look at DH and think, "I must be dreaming."

Smiles and Holiday Wishes,
Trinity

Isa,
are there private school where you live? Can you start your own school? If a child is ill, or a movie star, can they get a tutor? I would guess that some families some where are breaking the law and homeschooling - I wonder under what pretext. Can one get a excuse for religious reasons, such as for a conciensious objector for the military?


LOL - where did my brain lead me just now? I'm seeing lines of children holding ID cards stamped "conscientious Objector" grim faced outside of schools refusing to enter the doors.

Acutally my son did organize a walk-out(age 8) during recess at an academic camp that wasn't teaching him anything. Glad that camp was only 1 week long. He refused to return to the building after the recess and was encouraging that other children to join him. Luckily after allowing him to rant a bit at home, and promising to never sign him up for that camp again, he was able to finish the week calmly.

((shrug))
Trinity

Here, even the Royalty goes to school!

http://www.dutchnews.nl/news/archives/2007/09/princess_amalia_to_attend_stat.php

Besides, private schools will not neccessarily be more accomodating.

Actually, DD's school considers acceleration as a posibilty - it is writen in their guidelines. The problem is that since DD does not know the letters or numbers yet it is pointless.

What I can do however is 'hothoused' her a little. She has now a private teacher to help her with the Dutch language so that the language barrier dissapears.

I think the problem is that she knows what an average 4.5 old kid knows but thinks as a 7ish yr old one and the activities in the classroom seem to her as disconected little bits of information that do not make sense to her.

Next tuesday I am going to the school and I will spend the morning with her. I hope this help me to understand what is going on in her mind.

I have as well set an appointment with the psycologist that tested her and see if she can help to restore her confidence in herself a little.

Trinity, your son seems quite a revolucionary LOL!!

I just wanted to add that concerning 'sinterklaas' it seems better to just not say anything for the moment and pretend that she believes all....

I was told by my teacher when I was 6 ('you know already that the Three Kings are the parents, right?'). But I was actually very happy with this news!!

Now when I tell those stories about my son to him, he turns red in the face and giggles nervously.

I think going to the school and observing is a wonderful idea.

I also think that hothousing is in order. If you have to package your dd to help the school understand her, then package away.

Even though private schools are not nescessarily better, sometimes they are. It depends.

Smiles,
Trinity

Isa,
I apologize, I think I left out the main point about our discussions about Santa Clause. By talking about how everyone should be able to enjoy the holidays in their own way, we had several conversations with him about keeping his "knowledge" to himself or at worst saying that something was his belief or opinion instead of a fact.

It sounds like you have a good handle on the possibilities at the school and having a teacher that will work with you is a blessing. It sounds like you are way ahead of my on the perils and are making some positive changes to prevent the stituation from getting out of hand.

elh0706,

no need to apologize!

As for the school, I really hope the situation improves for DD soon.

DH and me will try to get the spanish psycologist to 'label' her 'especial needs' because then the school has to provide by law with whatever means are neccessary for her education. At least, in theory...

Interesting---What kind of special needs lable does your school accept? In the US some labels are good and some are malo.
t

good point T!

actually I read about those requirements in a text about the Dutch school system but it only said that since a few years gifted kids were considered esp needs as well.

In any cases, I want to see what the psy suggests about school and how to handle the situation, and then we will talk again with the teacher and maybe the principal.

As good a place to start as any!
((big grin))
Trin -
who wants you to write the letter, even if you burn it instead of sending it. What does your DH think?