Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Would you take a skip if offered?

I had a long talk with DS' principal this morning about the pros and cons of skipping first grade. She seemed open to the idea and told me that DS could skip first grade or wait until next year and skip second grade and that it is up to me.

Cathy

From what I've seen in our district, if you think a skip is the best thing, I would lean heavily toward skipping first. For our state, first grade is all about learning to read and there is less flexibility for accomodating a child who is way ahead. It was by far the hardest to keep DS engaged through. Second grade was much more adaptable and he had the best teacher ever for 2nd. Obviously a lot has to do with your school and district, so you might want to ask what a typical day looks like in both.

Personally, I was committed to DS not skipping first, because I had skipped first and always wondered what I had missed. Since I had missed it, I imagined that it must have been some kind of wonderland. LOL.

It was no wonderland, but DS did OK. Most of the reason we got through it is that the GT teacher rescued him a couple times a week and took him to play educational games with the gifted 4-5th graders--she said that was his natural peer group. I didn't quite get what that meant at the time....

As I've said before, I was blindsided into skipping first grade. I was not part of the process and I found it socially disruptive. All in all, I did not much care for it. So I would recommend you make sure your son is part of the process.

Dottie, I think that's a good idea. There should be a way out if things are not working.

Acs, I'll take your advice to heart! I think that DS will be on board with the idea because he is having a hard time finding friends among his age mates. There really isn't anything holding him there.

I agree--assuming your son is on board, then I'd take the skip now, both so that you're sure he gets it and the school doesn't renege AND because 1st grade is so much about learning to read.

But I think your son's buy-in has to come first. If he's reluctant, then I'd have to say you should probably think twice about proceeding.

Hi Cathy,
I'm glad your admin is open. I would suggest that you take the skip now, since you have nothing to lose, and because this time of year is heading into the wasteland of preholidays, and then review in January.

What do I mean the wasteland of preholidays? I've always found that my DS's "adaptive" behavior ((Ha-Ha!)) was most likely to occur as the learning slowed down and the unstructured partying increased, in December and at the end of the school year.

I've read that for Normally Developing kids, ((NDs? I just made that up, it think, how do you like it?)) there needs to be considerable review in January and September because they lose so much over the holidays. That makes now a great time to skip, both from avoiding unneaded repetion in his current grade, and from catching the perhaps needed repetition in the new class.

Will there be downsides? Yes of course. Will they be worth it? Check Iowa Acceleration Scale Manual, and A Nation Decieved and decide for yourself. In our case yes. Little hint: If a child is gradeskipped they, and their families tend to blame everything that ever happens on the gradeskip. Be ready, and at least a bit skeptical. As I tell my friends, some problems can only be fixed by a timemachine, but thankfully I don't have access to one, because my life would be over, always going back and re-doing, and re-undoing, because things would never be as good as I seem to feel that they should be. Isn't there a bear who dropped his fish because he looked into the water and saw another fish? We here have to be very very careful of that type of behavior.

A single gradeskip maynot be enought, but each step in the right direction is a good step, in my book. Read Karen Roger's Re-Forming Gifted Education for hints as to what to ask for. I'd also had good luck with asking the school to suggest names of boys with which to set up playdates, at least at this age, when the kids are used to the Moms being very involved in playdate setup. Walking into a classroom for the first time is much much easier if the chld already feels comfortable with one other kid, or even two.

Best Wishes,
I do agree, that as behavior deteriorates, doors close, so get your foot in now. And it is normal for some children's behavior to "adaptivly" deteriorate in a poor fit classroom situation.

Trinity

An excellent point! A skip probably won't solve all problems, but it probably won't be the cause of all problems thereafter either. I think it becomes easy to romanticize how things were if a choice turns out to be less than ideal. But there's a good reason for pursuing this skip. Remember that!

I'm a big fan of making the best choice I can given the evidence available to me, and then letting go of the second-guessing and regret. I analyze situations to try to improve next time, but I try very hard not to kick myself if things go wrong.

If you do the research and make the best choice you can, then you can let go of the hindsight. You did the best you could and that's all you can do. This goes double for these big educational decisions, IMO. So much pressure! And frankly, doing something to try to make things better--even if it were to turn out to be the wrong thing!--telegraphs to your child that you care, and that alone is worth a lot to a kid. It makes you an ally.

All the best to you!

I agree strongly that in the long run, it will make all the difference to your child that you tried. I think it's ok to be quite upfront that you hope that when they are parents, they will have better alternatives for their children than you have today, because although I "believe" in gradeskips for children who need them, gradeskips are only the begining of a reasonable education for so many of our children.

((getting down of soap box))
Trinity

Dottie - I'm laughing till I cry over here! I'm so proud of you for smiling and nodding at that moment. Isn't that what we are trying to teach our kids to do in those situations.

Life is so strange. BTW, I've hung out with our Dottie, and she is nothing like the people in that first town.

smiles,
Trinity

I just found out another wrinkle:

Our school (and district!) are over-crowded and the kids are assigned priority by their enrollment dates. For example, if there are not enough seats in 2nd grade at a particular school the children with the most recent enrollment dates are "overloaded" to another school. The overloaded students are bounced around, sometimes attending 2 or 3 different schools within the first two months! It's something I really want to avoid... Anyway, if DS skips to 2nd grade his enrollment date will be a year later than most of the kids in that grade. I heard from another parent that two kids who skipped from K to 2nd last year were overloaded.

Cathy

Oh Cathy!
Nothing is easy, is it? Although having a district where you know of 2 kids who skipped from K to 2nd in a single year is pretty amazing. ((Drooling on Keyboard))

Seriously, do the overload kids keep bouncing after the first two months? What happens the year after that?

Curious set-up, isn't it?
Trinity