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Do any of you other homeschoolers find that people are offended by your decision? How do you handle that?
I have had people vary from turning their backs to me, to dirty looks to under their breath hostility. What on earth are they thinking when I say homeschool that makes them so angry? Thoughts?

Weeelll... people homeschool for all sorts of reasons, and with all sorts of effects on the children. I'm sure you're a fabulous homeschooler, and there are lots of those both here and elsewhere. However, (a) some people homeschool for reasons and in ways which make me very angry, e.g. because they hold religious beliefs which cause them to want to prevent their children learning science or critical thinking, which I think is child abuse (b) concentrations of homeschoolers vary enough that it would be quite possible for someone to have met or heard of that kind and not to realise that there are other reasons to homeschool. So one explanation might be that people are making mistaken assumptions about what homeschooling is to you.

This made me laugh a little, because it reminded me of a conversation I had about homeschooling with an old friend when I was first starting--

She said the most negative comment she got when she started homeschooling was from her sister, who said, "oh, you can't homeschool, everybody will think you're some flaky hippie!"

I told her that the most negative comment I got when I started homeschooling was from my brother, who said, "oh, you can't homeschool, everybody will think you're some hardcore fundamentalist."

We don't agree about very many things (religion, politics, etc.), but she (a hardcore fundamentalist) and I (a flaky hippie) both agreed that our siblings were pretty hilarious.

peace
minnie

Lol, yes - it says something about me that it wouldn't have occurred to me that anyone would seriously object to a flaky hippie :-)

The angriest response I got was from a former public school teacher. They are often either the least understanding OR the most supportive people I meet, actually. I think that makes some sense, since teachers have the most invested in public education. It makes sense to me that they have the strongest reactions to homeschooling.

In the worst conversation I ever had about homeschooling, an acquaintance and I talked when our family's decision to homeschool was *very* new, when I still felt raw from the interaction with the school and was still terrified that I was making a huge mistake. I feel sure that the conversation would go very differently if I spoke with someone like that now because I am confident that we made a good choice and I would no longer be defensive. Realizing that I was part of the problem in that one particular conversation was important for me. (Though that may be totally irrelevant to your situation, of course, if you're already confident.)

I think her side of the conflict was that she a) felt that her profession was being insulted because she felt I was saying that teachers aren't necessary (though that was not at all what I was saying! I am a former teacher from a long line of teachers! I have great respect for the profession!), and b) she didn't understand GTness AT ALL, and so she didn't understand why he couldn't just fit in. She actually said to me "I don't understand why he can't just be bored until the GT pull-outs begin in 3rd grade." That one left me slack-jawed.

Not to mention the fact that she assumed the one-hour-per-week pull-out--in math only--would end his boredom...I am certain it would not have!

So my best guess is that she took my pulling my child out of public school as a personal affront. She attacked me when I was weakest. Honestly, I have not forgiven her. I understand why she did what she did, but I think it was cruel of her.

The more common negative response that I see is a sort of surprise followed by coldness. What began as a warm, friendly talk between moms goes suddenly chilly when they ask me where DS7 goes to school. Usually if I ignore the chill and explain that DS is "pretty bright" (said in a whispered tone), was miserable in school and was acting out, but that he's much happier now, the chill passes. But not always.

So I'm not sure if bad reactions occur because they assume that we're "religious nuts" (whatever that means to them!) or anti-science or oversheltering or child abusers or if it's something else. I never ask. But that or the teacher defense are my best guesses.

Happily, people who get to know us seem to mostly like us. Certainly DS7 is a sweet, kind, polite, fun child with a happy outlook and a wide variety of interests, and kids nearly always like him. That makes it harder for people to reject us out of hand, I think. Thank goodness!

You know, I've had a few negative reactions, but less than I was expecting. I usually cover our homeschooling story in a few sentences if someone asks about DS's school and I make it about his feelings (he was miserable in school). Everyone wants a good fit for their kid and most parents would make a change if they were dealing with an unhappy child every day of the week. I also do try to make it clear we are NOT homeschooling for religious reasons. Where I am, there is a very clear divide between religious and "secular" homeschoolers. I love the "flaky hippy" remark. I'm sure people would categorize us more that way. On the other hand, some people would probably respect us more if we were religious homeschoolers.

I have found teachers to be the most curious, understanding, or hostile. It is interesting. And I have great respect for teachers too. They are grossly underpaid and overworked in a lot of cases. Even though our neighborhood school didn't work for DS, it works very, very well for many kids. Even GT kids.

I think this is true for us too. DS is his own best commercial for homeschooling. He is well adjusted, very social, and happy. The neighbor kids clamor to spend time with him after school. However, he is a bit of a smart alec right now unfortunately.

These are some great stories! I am afraid to say "pretty bright" because I have already learned that "smart" is almost a curse word in these here parts. I got a good response once when I called DS a "little go getter" and "ambitious". People seemed to like that one...the idea that with a little hard work, anyone can achieve. They can admire a kid who wants to roll up his sleeves.

I guess part of it is that we live in an affluent neighborhood that others might find desirable. They assume the school is all that and a bag of chips but actually, DS was the one who flat out asked me to homeschool so that he could do "real work". He said, "Does xyz school teach baby work to the kids so that they grow up to be dumb?" I was dumbstuck. Let's hope that little gem doesn't fall out of his mouth in public.

We've been at this a very long time and we have gotten very few negative responses. What works for us is to not define it by the downsides of school, but on what we are happy about in our lives. I find if I'm super cheerful in my response "Every kid is different of course, but I feel so lucky to have found something that works so well for our family and there is such a nice homeschooling community here now so we are super busy..." People got to be pretty much looking for a fight to be negative when you are being so chipper about it.

My story above notwithstanding, I do find it very useful to have a "cover story" (which happens to be true, but it's all I need to say to any casual inquirers, and it defuses instantly anything that looks like it might turn into a negative reaction): Frenchie works shifts, and homeschooling preserves our family life; neither he nor I want our sons to grow up without lots of time with their father. The fact that Harpo is unlikely to have his needs met in our school system (which has no accommodations for giftedness until--wait for it!--grade 11!!!) doesn't have to come up at all. I say nothing at all about the kids being bright, I just say that they need their dad.

peace
minnie

PS My second fallback position is to mention casually that I taught for many years; that way, people who are otherwise freaking out that we are in the bank during school hours trust that they are not being educationally neglected.

I agree with passthepotatoes about the value of chipperness!