Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Advice needed please (again!)

As some of you may remember, we are in the lucky position of having a very supportive Head who understands our DS6 (almost 7)incredibly well and she really is trying her best for him. We had a meeting with her regarding next year for DS, and she has suggested grade skipping him by one grade(with the decision up to me and DH).

DH and I are nervous about skipping him, but also we think that it wont be enough because DS seems very advanced and we have been told that it is across the board and not in any particular subject. Skipping a grade in the UK is not common and I certainly don't know if skipping 2 grades is even possible, but I am not certain if there is any point in putting DS through all this upheaval and then it still isn't enough. Would it be better to (a) leave him as is or (b) request a 2 grade skip. But a 2 grade skip will create a huge difference in age (my DS is a younger one in his year anyway)and that in itself may prove challenging in the teenage years - but will a 1 grade skip be just as bad? Help, I am so confused and I know that there is no right or wrong answer (probably just with hindsight!).

DS is a sensitive boy and is quite mature and does enjoy being around older children. I think that he will have more in common with them, but unfortunately he does enjoy his sports so that will suffer as he wont be able to compete against children so much older. I also don't want the school to think that we are being pushy and asking for a 2 grade skip - I'm still not even sure it makes sense (as you can tell), but I just feel that if it is likely to happen in the future surely it is best to get it out of the way so that he can settle down and get to know a year group. Am I placing too much emphasis on this? DS gets on ok with other children although he doesn't have any special friends and certainly is not a fan of recess - I think that he plays football with the other kids to pass the time.

Does anyone have experience of this? How have age differences been managed with things like sport? What happens when all the other kids are going through puberty and your child isn't? I think that this will still be an issue even with a one grade skip.

Sorry this post is all over the place, I am very confused!

X Tiz

How about 1yr grade skip with subject acceleration in those areas which matter most to him? Then if that's not enough, consider another skip next year so it's not so large a jump?

Is DS unhappy? I don't think they need to be challenged in every area unless DS is craving that.

I'm sure many kids do fine w/ a 2yr grade skip. I just watched a show where they have a transition year for 13yr olds who then attend college full-time after completing that year as 14yrs. What a jump that is!

Thank you Dazey and Dottie. My main concern is that once children here turn 11 (or 10 for my son if he takes the 1 grade skip) skipping grades is unheard of. If he is going to skip, it needs to be earlier on. They have already said that if he skips a year they will also give him additional input. I am just worried that when he goes off to senior school he is going to be stuck in a group where he will be bored and then we will have all sorts of problems, that is why I was wondering whether to push/ask for it now. But yes, perhaps it will be better to skip one year and then at the end of that year to skip again if necessary. He is very driven and loves academics and gets very unhappy when he is bored at school (they are currently giving him a lot of one to one to keep him busy).

I really appreciate all your thoughts, I wish that I could think as clearly as you!

X

One question in my mind as a UKer is, what school options are you considering for secondary school? Regardless of the skip issue, it'll have to be a pretty special school to cope with your mathy DS I would think - that's a speed issue, isn't it, so that even if a skip got him to a level where he started the year at the same level as his peers, he'd still go much faster than them and need extra by the end of the year. And many secondary schools are not as good as primary schools at being flexible. So it might possibly be worth approaching this backwards, by thinking about secondary school first. E.g., if an option were to send him to an independent school taking in at 13, then possibly you might send him there straight from primary (if that's where he is now?) school at 11, getting a two year skip there? But a plan to do that might suggest a particular kind of path now.

We are in the process of a 3 yr skip for our DS6. It has been torture in spite of great support from everyone. I constantly question "what happens later" when he's 10 and a freshman.

But I think you have to worry about the now and save the rest for later. I'm trying to just think about today and not drive myself off the brink looking any further. My son demands stimulation and is very vocal in his displeasure when he's bored or "doing baby stuff". I feel sorry for his teachers as i'm sure he tortures them with non stop questions and demands.

Whatever choice you make, it'll be the right one because your not jumping in blind. Doing your homework, asking opinions from people on here that have been through it on both sides and knowing your son better than anyone else means that in the end you'll come to the right answer.

It's a tough decision. I don't know if there is a right answer. For our DS4 (almost 5) we are in the process of planning to skip K and go to first. that won't at all be enough for him either....but for us I would rather start with that and do subject accelaration. And maybe even having him go several grades ahead for some subjects, but still have him in a grade that is a similar age with peers. Still there are some caveats, but I am hoping that will work with him for now. Who knows, you live and learn...most of the time at least.

good luck!

We're in sorta the same situation with DS9. His current school has been wonderful and feels that a grade skip is in order, but left it up to us. We've decided to go ahead with it after much thought and worry. At the end of the day, it seems (for us anyway) that to do nothing is worse than to try something that may or may not be the 'right' thing. DS is in 3rd, but has been accelerated to 4th for this last quarter with the hope that any blanks could be filled in prior to the skip to 5th next year. DS is already telling us that the accelerated work is easy and school is still boring, but we're hopeful that the skip next year will bring a bit more challenge. If not, I guess we'll revisit everything again and go from there. What sucks is that we'll be starting all of this in a new school in a new state. I really hope the 1 grade skip will be sufficient.

I'm not sure that there are any black/white concrete answers for these types of situations. I think we just do the best we can with the info we have. Good luck.

Oh, how I admire you all. We didn't grade skip our DD9. My mother skipped a grade and hated it socially, my husband skipped a grade and it wasn't great socially either. Then, the "experts" talked about the usuals - their peers will have driver's licenses and they won't, they won't start puberty at the same time, etc., and we listened to it all. So, we didn't skip DD9. Now, we are scrambling to keep her occupied. She does a one day a week pull out - which is not challenging, and she takes an online gifted class each quarter. We are still pulling our hair out.

Here comes DD5 now. She is a little shy, and doesn't want to skip K, and so we probably won't. What is she going to do all year? We aren't sure - but the school will pull her out for gifted time with a resource instructor and she'll go to the gifted program one day a week. I keep reading everyone's stories and wondering what decisions we should make - it is helpful.

For my unschooled opinion, I would try skipping one year and seeing how it goes from there. The Mighty Dottie seems correct, in my opinion, skip just one year now with subject acceleration if possible, and tweek as time goes on.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts, it is great to have people to bounce ideas off!

Colinsmum, we are looking at secondary schools now (independent), but the set-up in the UK appears to be very age-focussed rather than ability-focussed. DS will be starting a year earlier if we go for the skip, but we do need to clarify how that will all work!

Shari, wow, a 3 year skip - I bet it was torture and I know what you mean about the constant questioning (I am always trying to second guess everything); but you are right and I am going to focus on the now.

DH and I need to sit down and have a good think about this one!

Haven't had chance to read this all through, but noted that you are talking about Grade skipping in U.K. schools. This is a world of difference from U.S schools, which have much stricter curriculum per Grade issues (I'm a Brit Elementary Teacher living in the U.S.). There really shouldn't be any need to skip in Britain, as your child should be sequentially following the N.C. at his appropriate level. Naturally there will be more kids at his level in higher Grades, so you may want to do it anyway, but the two systems are pretty incomparable. My DS6 has been recommended for a complete Grade skip here, and we are seriously considering it - if we were living in the U.K. I really don't think it would be an issue.
On the other hand, the U.S. does seem to have a better handle on 'gifted education', as a whole, with a lot more emphasis on Creative and Logical Thinking.
This might be a topic that might be worth discussing with the school, especially if you decide not to skip. Good Luck.