Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Everything about my 3yr old is complicated!

This is my first post, and I'll start by saying thank goodness for this site! Following threads the last 6 months has really helped me to try and stay positive through the rough patches with DS (turns 3 this week) and DD14mo. Good on you all for being so insightful, and dare I say it, honest in your responses. Please hang in there as you read this long post - I need your input!

In 3 short years, DH and I have been on some ride with DS. The highs have been amazing and the lows, devastating. It's isolated us from our friends and some family as they just don't understand (on one hand, we must be bragging, on the other we obviously just need to punish that curiosity/sensitivity/perfectionism etc out of him). I was actually relieved when DS was referred to a Child Psych based on answers we gave about behavior at a health check at 2.5yrs. I thought that finally we would get to the bottom of 'whatever' it was that, even from birth, made him so different and more challenging than other children we know (and the ones described in the majority of parenting books).

However, I realised after the first consult that that probably wasn't going to happen. It was like the Psych. misunderstood the point of everything I said. For example, I described a perplexing moment from when he was about 22mos: he was inconsolable over a cookie that had broken when he'd dropped it, saying over and over, 'I sad.. it not a circle anymore'. She responded with 'So he's too sensitive and his reactions are inappropriate.' He is very sensitive but he is also the kind of child that can see beauty in almost anything, and convince you of it, too. Is this 'inappropriate'? I guess everything seemed out of proportion because she never asked about his strengths either? Anyway, she started a WPPSI III that day. As we had no idea what a WPPSI was, we got googling, and that's how I found this site - and my GT enlightenment began.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm so tired of being misunderstood, and being beaten around the head with generalizations from people about how 'all kids (insert whatever you like)'. We are just a normal family trying to get through each day with our VERY intense children, and our oft repeated catch-phrase 'It's complicated.'

Please tell me if our story sounds familiar, because I'm starting to think that maybe all 2 year olds really are discussing gravitational pull at the dinner table...

Welcome TMJ,
I am fairly new to the forum, and like you I lurked for a while (for me it was trying to pluck up the courage to post!).

I have two DS's, one is almost 7 and the other is 4.5 years. They are both incredibly sensitive children! DS6 is also especially intense, although I have to say it has got easier for us as he has got older and also as we have started to understand him more. As he was our first child we didn't know any different and just got on with it. Yes, I agree, people often misunderstand and come up with their own conclusions and I do tend to withdraw from most of the other mothers so that I don't get collared into various conversations. I do think that most of it arises out of people's curiosity and they don't mean to be nasty or nosey, but I have had some weird comments! It was quite a relief when DS6's first teacher said to me that he was on a different plane and also very intense - he just couldn't get enough work! She has actually become a good family friend and was one of the first people to suggest that we had DS tested!

Hang in there because it gets easier and there is so much support and advice from everyone on this board - welcome!.

XX

welcome! yes your child sounds lovely and exhausting and im not surprised that you are socially isolated or sick of having people mistake averages for laws of nature. I really miss the daily face to face contact with folks who are facing the same challenges we are. keep posting here and try to hire a homeschooling teen as babtsitter - you may find a friend...

Welcome TMJ,
While I don't know what else you are noticing with DS, sensitivity is common with GT kids. Although sometimes in comes in kids that aren't GT. But clearly the gravitational pull discussion is atypical for a 2yo.

I had to laugh about the cookie being a circle though. My DS4 was the same way. He would get so frustrated when his cereal bar would break into 2 pieces because it wasn't a rectangle anymore. And he knew rules about not eating things when they fell on the floor and he would cry and get so upset if part of his snack fell on the floor (even if he had tons more on his tray). Interesting. DS4 has always been into shapes so if the shapes of one of his foods got distorted it would annoy him. At 4 (almost 5) he is pretty much over that...which is good. I remember thinking how odd it was at the time. Of course I found lots of things odd that make a little more sense now.

Hang on for the ride and let us know what the WPPSI reveals as well. That may give you some more answers and explanations.

Hi TMJ,
I am sure a lot of other parnets on here can understand.
Your post could have been written about my DS6 now. It is very isolating. This board is great, finally people here will understand. We did find a great therapist who did understand our different son. She understood exactly what we were saying. She wrote a book "when the labels don't fit" I found her on the seng website. She is an expert on the emotional side of the gifted. And np not all kids are discussing gravitanal pull at the table LOL. My DS6 last night at bedtime was taking so much about the planets and what if this and what if that and on and on and on. My other DS2 just wants to play ball.

I can completely identify with the "tired of telling people it's complicated" with our DS6. That's why I love this board! When you come here to talk about an issue, you are just a parent looking for help with your child. You're NOT an over-indulging, bragging, powerless parent with an overly difficult, spoiled child who just needs more discipline. It's great to have people who understand and value these amazing children.

Hi Movingup6,
It is nice to finally get to vent to others who get it.
I want to look up the statistics on highly gifted kids and see how many are say in our country, in our state and then how many in our city, if I can find.
I think when I see the numbers are so small then it is reasonable to think most people don't get it because most people 1st of all do not have a GT child and then most people do not know a GT child. I mean highly GT say top 2% on individualized IQ testing.

Welcome!!! And sounds like your DS is very similar to my DS, now 5. We have not had him tested yet, but I imagine adding a bit of OE to his GT will be the diagnosis we get when we do test him.

This is an amazing place, and while there are many differences among the kids' abilities, strengths, struggles and whatnot, the fact that there are REAL people who understand the REAL struggles (and accomplishments) of dealing with a "different" child makes our own experiences with our GT children (at least mine) much "easier" (or at least "normal").

TMJ,

I have an almost identical story regarding DS then 2.5. He tripped and fell and broke a flower off it's stem. We had 45 minutes of hysteria because he had done something that mom couldn't fix. He was absolutely devasted. No amount of talk of accidents would console him. That was the incident that led us to consult with a psych as well.

Welcome and hang in there. Although these kids can be very tiring, they are just amazing little people. DS is now 6 and every day i'm left shaking my head in wonder at the things he says and does. While we've alienated a few people, they were mostly people with young kids who somehow felt they were competing with DS. Most of our friends these days are part of the DS fan club. He loves to talk to grown ups and has won many people over to his side.

Venting is something we all do here, along with bragging it's one of my favorite features!

Welcome, TMJ. Yes, your story sounds very familiar, discussing gravity with a 2yo and all. (And my DS, now 5, is still very intense, but it seems much easier to deal with these days - partly practice on both our parts, partly that he's much better able to explain these days.)

I came across a link to this T shirt the other day. No connection with the producer, but I think there's one in my future, maybe you'd like one too :-)
http://222610.spreadshirt.net/en/GB...a-bit-more-complicated-than-that-8097922