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    #39776 03/02/09 09:37 AM
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    Edwin Offline OP
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    HEAVIEST ELEMENT DISCOVERED



    Metallurgical and metal casting research has led to the discovery of the
    heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv),
    has one neuron, 25 assistant neurons, 88 deputy neurons, and 198 assistant
    deputy neurons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.



    These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
    surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since
    Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however it can be detected,
    because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute
    amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less
    than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.



    Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; it does not decay, but
    instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
    neurons and deputy neurons exchange places. In fact Governmentium's mass
    will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more
    morons to become neurons, forming isodopes.



    This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe
    Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This
    hypothetical quantity is referred to as a critical morass. When catalyzed
    with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates
    just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but
    twice as many morons. smile


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    MATHEMATICIANS DISCOVER LARGEST NUMBER


    PALO ALTO, CA - An international mathematics research team announced today that they had discovered a new integer that surpasses any previously known value "by a totally mindblowing shitload." Project director Yujin Xiao of Stanford University said the theoretical number, dubbed a "stimulus," could lead to breakthroughs in fields as diverse as astrophysics, quantum mechanics, and Chicago asphalt contracting.

    "Unlike previous large numbers like the Googleplex or the Bazillionty, the Stimulus has no static numerical definition," said Xiao. "It keeps growing and growing, compounding factorially, eating up all zeros in its path. It moves freely across Cartesian dimensions and has the power to make any other number irrational."

    Jean-Luc Brossard, a researcher with the European consortium CERN, said the number is so staggeringly large that it is difficult for even mathematicians to grasp, let alone lay people.

    "The number itself is incomprehensible by human minds, and can only be theoretically understood in a fractional parallel universe which we refer to as the DC dimension," said Brossard. "The best way to understand a stimulus is to imagine a dollar sign followed by a packed string of hexidecimal nanodigits, wound into a triple helix, woven into a dodecahedron, and stacked on top of one another. Now imagine you were a black hole on the far edge of the universe, trying to escape the stimulus at 30 times the speed of light. The stimulus would still catch up to you and ram your black hole with such furious, repeated force that it would cause your entire reality itself to collapse."

    Xiao said the team discovered the number with the help of an international network of 24 nitrogen-cooled Cray Ultracluster supercomputers, the CERN particle accelerator, and "three pounds of Humboldt County Chronic."

    "The exciting news is that with more powerful computers and drugs, we believe we are on the verge of discovering an even larger number, which we refer to as a 'stimulusconferencebill,'" said Xiao.


    http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/2009/02/numbers-in-the-news.html


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    I was skimming this, Edwin, so I thought it was for real until I got to "morons." LOL!


    Kriston
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    Originally Posted by Austin
    MATHEMATICIANS DISCOVER LARGEST NUMBER


    PALO ALTO, CA - An international mathematics research team announced today that they had discovered a new integer that surpasses any previously known value "by a totally mindblowing shitload." Project director Yujin Xiao of Stanford University said the theoretical number, dubbed a "stimulus," could lead to breakthroughs in fields as diverse as astrophysics, quantum mechanics, and Chicago asphalt contracting.

    "Unlike previous large numbers like the Googleplex or the Bazillionty, the Stimulus has no static numerical definition," said Xiao. "It keeps growing and growing, compounding factorially, eating up all zeros in its path. It moves freely across Cartesian dimensions and has the power to make any other number irrational."

    Jean-Luc Brossard, a researcher with the European consortium CERN, said the number is so staggeringly large that it is difficult for even mathematicians to grasp, let alone lay people.

    "The number itself is incomprehensible by human minds, and can only be theoretically understood in a fractional parallel universe which we refer to as the DC dimension," said Brossard. "The best way to understand a stimulus is to imagine a dollar sign followed by a packed string of hexidecimal nanodigits, wound into a triple helix, woven into a dodecahedron, and stacked on top of one another. Now imagine you were a black hole on the far edge of the universe, trying to escape the stimulus at 30 times the speed of light. The stimulus would still catch up to you and ram your black hole with such furious, repeated force that it would cause your entire reality itself to collapse."

    Xiao said the team discovered the number with the help of an international network of 24 nitrogen-cooled Cray Ultracluster supercomputers, the CERN particle accelerator, and "three pounds of Humboldt County Chronic."

    "The exciting news is that with more powerful computers and drugs, we believe we are on the verge of discovering an even larger number, which we refer to as a 'stimulusconferencebill,'" said Xiao.


    http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/2009/02/numbers-in-the-news.html


    Both of these are great, but for some reason,
    I seeeeeriously lost is on this one - ROFLMAO!!!


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    Originally Posted by Dottie
    Hahahahahaha! I confess, I skipped it altogether until I noticed Kriston's comment. I particularly like "isodopes", grin .

    They are all dopes, but in the same way: they run around saying, "I am so a dope!!"


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    I'm so used to all the seriousness on here, it took me a minute to catch on.... Nice mood lightener!!!


    Shari
    Mom to DS 10, DS 11, DS 13
    Ability doesn't make us, Choices do!
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    Edwin-

    DS shared this with his chemistry professor, and he was asked to post it to the virtual classroom board. There isn't a whole lot of chemistry based humor to be found...

    thank you!

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    There are some other elements to look at as well.

    Handwavium

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Handwaving

    Unobtainium

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unobtainium


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