HEAVIEST ELEMENT DISCOVERED
Metallurgical and metal casting research has led to the discovery of the
heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv),
has one neuron, 25 assistant neurons, 88 deputy neurons, and 198 assistant
deputy neurons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since
Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however it can be detected,
because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute
amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less
than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; it does not decay, but
instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neurons and deputy neurons exchange places. In fact Governmentium's mass
will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more
morons to become neurons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe
Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This
hypothetical quantity is referred to as a critical morass. When catalyzed
with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates
just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but
twice as many morons.