Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Do I need to start putting things in writing?

Hi everyone. Recap: I am the mom of a 1st grade ds who was hesitant to grade skip. I re-read Iowa Acceleration and A Nation Deceived than did some pondering. I emailed the teacher to set up a quick chat to talk about her professional opinion on grade skip and what was being done to differentiate. She responded with "I have spoken with the principal and we want him to take the end of the year test for second grade reading and math to see how he scores. We would give him the tests at the beginning of April and then we can have a meeting after spring break to see where would be the best learning environment for ds next year".

I am getting a fed up tone from her but I may just be too emotional about the subject. I have tried to be sensitive and not be too pushy because I am very non-confrontational. There are a couple of things that need to be addressed if we are going to grade skip. For example Gate starts in 3rd grade will he be tested and put in Gate? Teacher preference. Etc.

Do I put my requests in writing? Can it be email? What is the procedure for this? I am sure I am already That Mom but how do I prevent this from turning ugly?

Thanks as always for your help.

Since she indicated to you that she has spoken to the principal and end of year testing is going to be done, I would say you're doing fine. It may be that this is such an emotional issue for you that your reading more into her tone than there actually is.

As for being "that mom".... get used to it! The sqeaky wheel gets the oil is a true statement and if you want what's best for your DS you may have to make some noise. I keep a notebook of all things pertaining to DS. Copies of e-mails, notes about phone conversations and meetings go into my notebook. That way whenever confusion arises, I can pull out my book.

Someone else will have to answer the GATE question.

I'd follow up with a letter recapping what's been agreed to and the things that are still in question.
I'm already That Mom too though.

Maybe SPG can help with the tone. She seems to have a magic touch with school personnel and I've been amazed by what she's arranged for already. Unless she's found the dream team, some of the success may be attributed to her approach.
I'm taking notes!

aw, shucks, thanks inky. But I have to say, most everything we've done we learned here.

xoxo - I would start with a big thank you to the teacher. Remember that email does not get any emotion across. Getting out-of-level testing for your ds is great, and it's going to be happening very soon, right? And they will meet with you after spring break, which likely means before the teachers for next year are selected. I think you're headed in the right direction. There is probably some back story i'm missing, but from the quote you gave us, I think that's a positive.

I'll go search for your other posts. I can't remember who initiated the idea of the grade skip.

It sounds like you're doing very well though!

OK - I found your earlier posts. It looks like you're concerned because of the lack of differentiation this year, and you were thinking that he could skip up to second for the rest of the year? Maybe, after you thank her for the testing they want to do, you can ask to arrange a meeting in the next week or two to discuss ideas (including differentiation) for the rest of this year. The teacher might have missed that point too since you asked about it along with the grade skip. Sometimes just a bit more clarification is all that's needed, I think. it would probably help to have an in-person meeting to make sure you're on the same page.

Good luck - i hope i'm not way off on this; sorry i don't remember all the details.

Shari you are brillant. Thanks for the suggestion of the notebook. I put together one right after reading your reply.

Inky and SPG: A Thank You letter is the perfect oppurtunity for me to get back on friendly terms. My dh is getting fustrated and wants something done yesterday. It is quite possible, I am reading things into emails and discussions with the teacher because of it. Add that to my prior ambivalence to a grade skip and it is quite feasable I am the one being too sensitive. I volunteer in her classroon so I am hoping we can get back on the same page and find the best solution. She did send some differentiated homework home for ds this week so we are going in the right direction.

I really don't know what I would do without your support and this forum. I really appreciate it.

Even if you do a good job managing the sensitive/pushy balance, you may still come up short.

Grinity (?) said something like this and it kept me from being too hard on myself about whether or not I'd used the perfect approach.
I keep notes though to tweak my approach for the future.

Yep the squeaky wheel gets the oil.
Another thing I keep in mind from I think this website is
anger doesn't get you anywhere but neither does brooding.
I am a brooder.

I also realized pretty quickly that I could be "THAT MOM" or my son was going to be "THAT KID." I figured that I could take it; he shouldn't have to.

That's not to say that you don't approach any interaction with school personnel as calmly and reasonably as you can, of course. That's vital! But I don't think you can worry too much about eye-rolling behind your back. Do your best to be pleasant and yet persistent, and that's all you can do.

LOL, Dottie!

Though the "that" in my kid was acting out in class. I think your "that" is just how exceptional he is, no? I'd gladly trade your kind of "that" for mine!

Only until they get to know you both!

Yup. 'Neato and I both said that. Makes sense in your context, too, I agree.

I'm actually feeling quite proud of my status as "that mom". It means that they recognize that ignoring me doesn't make me go away!!

You go, girl! I like how you think!

That's my plan Dottie, following your lead!!