Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Should I homeschool or keep trying?

First off, thanks to everyone who answered my first post. You've all helped me a lot. Now, I'd like to ask a second question.

Today, the teacher called me at home. She said "your daughter is getting every answer wrong on everything." I calmly asked "why she thought that was happening." She said, "I'm lecturing to the class and giving the class the answers, and she isn't paying attention to the work in front of her. She has her workbook open doing the last pages in it instead of what the rest of the class is doing."

The teacher said, "it is obviously too easy for her so she is zoning out and looking for different work." (I shouted a silent cheer, a teacher finally admitted that my daughter is BORED!)
The teacher said that this is a problem, because she has to learn to focus on the current work. She said "I'm going to have to work with her on her focusing issues."

Argggghhhh! I'm so upset. I agree that she has to focus and do work whether she likes it or not. But I DO NOT agree that she should have to spend a year doing work below her level with no incentive.

Should I talk to the teacher more? What should I ask for? I have decided I'm not playing this game with the school any longer. If things haven't improved by December, I am going to homeschool her. I'm tired of all this.

But in an effort to give this one last chance (the teacher is at least admitting boredom), what should I ask for? The school has seen her IQ tests, her standardized test, the educational psychologists recommendations; and they never agree with any of it. I asked for subject acceleration, and I was told "no." I asked for higher level worksheets, and I was told "no."

This is actually the first teacher in the last three years who has even admitted that my daughter was bored, but she is making it my daughter's problem by saying she has to learn to focus even if she is bored.

I'm frustrated.

Hi there,

I know your pain. So sorry.

Please see a posting I just made in UGH! ...Gate meeting.

I suggest finding other parents with bright kids, persuading at least one or two of them to approach the school with you, and then advocating for the kids in a group. The parents of disabled kids who have IEPs (individual education plans) may have advice in this regard.

Does your state have any laws concerning the rights of gifted kids? Check into this. Quoting chapter and verse of a law can get action.

Don't be afraid to be tough but polite with the school. Try to see it from their point of view (testing mania, not much infrastructure for ability grouping, etc etc), but don't accept it. What do you have to lose?

Ask "Why?" when they say no. Then ask "Why?" when they give you a bogus answer. Anticipate the bogus answers and bring papers or books with highlighting on the answers to the bogus questions.

Don't be afraid to "annoy" them. They're not worried about "annoying" you or your daughter, right?

I tried pushing them very recently, on the advice of Trinity, and succeeded in persuading a teacher at my son's school to do a subject acceleration. It's not enough, but it's a start.

Val

We decided we couldn't wait until December. We pulled our son out of his public school after a month and I am homeschooling him. It's absolutely the best decision we could have made at the time.

Now, unlike in your situation, our teacher was resistant to even the most gentle of advocacy from us. If we'd had any sort of positive dialogue going with her, things might have been different for us.

But as DH says, "Actually, I think the teacher did us a favor by being so nasty. If she'd been nice about it, we'd have limped along through the year and DS would have had a rotten time of it. As it is, we pulled him out quickly and now he's actually learning something...and he's happy!"

Advocacy is wonderful, and I hope you can get the teacher/school to see the light. But if it helps ease your mind a little, there are worse things than homeschooling. I was terrified, but it's looking like a really great experience for us all. I know I felt better when I just realized that I had options. So I'm telling you: you do have options! Hang in there!

My only advice about how to advocate, though, is this bit of wisdom I gleaned from my experience: threading the needle is hard. What's too nice to get results? What's too pushy to keep people on your side? Ultimately, when it came down to it, I preferred to be thought of as "that mom" than to allow DS to be thought of as "that kid." I can take it; he shouldn't have to!

Keep us updated! Best wishes in your struggle!