Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Do you feel guilty asking for accommodations...rop

Hi. I hope all is going well for everyone. My son's teacher is now back from maternity leave and I am struggling to not feel like we have taken a huge step backwards. Dh is fustrated with the homework he sees coming home and we haven't received a progress report or much evidence of differentiation. I am awaiting a response from an email that I sent to my ds's teacher about meeting with her and volunteering in her class. I am also awaiting an email from the principal about whether the teacher is aware of what was implemented and what was discussed while she was away.

I just finished reading an article in the paper about how the local school district is in dire financial straits. We are in California btw and with the economy being the way it is and the fact that California hasn't been able to reach a budget consensus on anything, it isn't actually suprising news. I guess I feel a little guilty because like us all I imagine they are all feeling alot of stress and here I am insisting that my son's academic needs are addressed.

I thought I would post here and ask for a little support. I honestly don't think what I am asking for will strain the budget but I am a little apprehensive in the advocacy department. Does anyone else feel the same way as I do or have any words of wisdom?

Thanks in advance.

xoxoxmom-

I don't think it is wrong for you to want your DS to get an appropriate education - even if the budget is tight.

Best of luck getting the new *old* teacher on board.

Every child has the right to an appropriate education. Getting an acceptably appropriate education for a GT child does not have to be expensive, though it might require a creative teacher, a cooperative principal and the willingness on the part of the child and the child's family to adapt.

What are you asking for? Think about the real cost of that. I'm betting it isn't a lot.

Maybe you could provide some of the supplies? Volunteer? Something to help out?

xoxosmom -

I am a middle school teacher, so I can give you perspective from the other side of the fence. Teachers ARE stressed because of the budget crunch in districts all over the country, but we aren't any more likely to shirk our jobs than we would be if there were no financial issues. In other words, if your son's teacher was open to differentiation before all this economic strife, she'll be open to making accomodations now. What were things like with her before she went on maternity leave?

My suggestion would be to ask for a meeting and engage her in conversation about her newborn to put her at ease. Talk a little about something in her class that your DS really enjoyed (a recent science experiment, a field trip, being in a group with another gifted kid, whatever). Then ask if her long-term sub said anything about accomodations being made for your son. If not, explain what the accomodations were and that you'd like to see them continue, as you felt he was being appropriately challenged with what he was doing. I think it's okay to share fears at this point that you don't want him going backwards - you can talk about any special issues he has (perfectionism, etc.) and share test data (if that hasn't already been done). Then end with something else positive, along with something like "I really appreciate you working with us on this, as I know you must be exhausted with the new baby - believe me, I can relate!!"

In education, we call this little exchange the "sandwich" philosophy, and we use it when talking to parents all the time - say something good, deliver the bad news or tough info, end with something else good. ALWAYS attempt to display some type of empathy for what the other person is going through - it works nearly every time!

And lastly, you are NOT out of line in asking for accomodations (unless you're asking for something that will require a boat load more work on the teacher's part). Be specific in the accomocations you'd like, and follow up with positive emails or phone calls if things are going well. If they continue to go downhill, you'll probably need to further involve the administrator.

Good luck!

XOXO-
I'm also in CA and have no problem asking for accommodations because I've been a teacher and a vice-principal! I know that in our district, only 60% of the money is actually spent on pupil instruction, yet they drag this number out like it's bragging rights. So you don't mow the lawns out front of the district office this year... and my kid gets a new book that was written sometime after 1976!

I'm biased of course because all my career experience has been in a charter school where we had complete control of our own budget. I was never lacking supplies, materials or books. But our principal didn't make $175K a year either. We turned off the lights, shut down computers on the weekends and used our parent volunteers wisely.

Districts waste a ton of money... using it on your child is not a waste!

Hi Jen and CAMom - great to have your perspectives from the other side of the blackboard!

XOXO - of course you are nervous, but I'm hoping Jen's approach will work wonders. I'd be nervous approaching a Mom of a newborn about ANYthing!

OTOH, you are only doing your parental duty, and if things were better and the school was already doing there, you wouldn't even be in this position, yes?

Smiles,
Grinity

Thanks for the support everyone. I meet and start volunteering in the classroom next week. I hope I can implement the sandwich method and get positive results.