Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Newbie: 2nd grader taunted

Hi Action,
I moved your post over here, because i dont' want you to be lost in the other topic. Hope you don't mind:

First of all, I am furious that the regular teacher told him he may need medication. In my state, it's Illegal for the teachers to say that to the Parents! And yet, in 2nd grade, the teacher played those mind games with my son, and as gifted as he was, he swallowed them. These people have your child 30 hours a week!

I would set up a meeting with her, demanding that she stop doing the various specific things that make him feel like a mental case. I would mention at the end of the face to face meeting that 'of course I am going to have to bring this to the principle's attention'

Then I would send a 'review of major points' email cc'd to the principle and the gifted coordinator (and an attorny, if you can find one you can afford) reviewing the meeting. What you said, and what you heard the teacher respond.

Then I would ask the for a meeting with the principle. I would go over the whole thing again.

I would also get copies of whatever testing that was done and type them into a private message for Dottie to look at. You want to have some idea of your child's LOG. Do you or the Gifted Coordinator have a copy of the 'Iowa Acceleration Scale' Manual?

The best way to get rid of a terrible teacher is to grade skip away (if it's an appropriate accomidation)

BTW -Over the years my son has also aways attracted 'extra (negative) attention' from various other '2nd most gifted boy' types. This doesn't seem unusual if infact your son is 'way out standing in his field' - hopefully a grade skip would put him more 'amoung the top crowd' and less the lonely outlier/target.

Con't be afraid to cry in the principle's office. 'At your wit's end' is a great place to start making waves from.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Hi Action,
So sorry to hear your little boy is having such a negative school experience . Sounds like there are a lot of very strong (and confident ) opinions about your son by his teacher - who is probably not qualified to make them. I agree with Grinity that you should document the conversations you have with the teacher. I would also add snail mail to the e-mail recommendation IMHO. Letters are an advocate's friend .

My recommendations for priority things to do: First and foremost,you do need to find out what your DS's issues are (Emotional? LD? Attention? Boredom? Poor environmental fit? Medical issues? Combination?) and that means finding an *independent* psychologist to do a thorough eval. I believe there is inherent conflict of interest when a district employee does the eval. It can be pricey, but I would get the most qualified, most highly recommended one you can afford. Second, go to the department of ed website for your state and read the laws for special education and gifted education. It may be helpful for you to find a special ed advocate in your area (some work pro-bono, but most should at least provide a free consultation to see if you need their services).

You're in good company here on this board. I have a second grader I'm advocating for as well... It's exhausting but the support from this board has really helped me get through this.

I really have to wonder what the parents are up to when a child feels like they can (and do) tell another child that no one likes them. Really, really wonder.
I could not imagine my kids saying this to anyone and I haven't taken any special care to say 'don't say 'no one likes you''. I mean, I do say stuff like 'don't be rude' or 'Be nice'.

Seriously, *WHERE* does behavior like this come from??? Especially in the 2nd grade?

So sorry your family is having to deal with this. We have had a few rude comments from kids in ds' class about how he shouldn't be in the pull out program, or he's not so smart, etc.

In a separate scenario, an older boy on the bus called my son 'gay'. He was in 1st grade, and ds didn't really know what it meant.
I felt entirely within my rights as a parent to seek out that kid's parents via the grapevine and tell them about the offensive comment. The mom was horrified and made her son write an apology letter; it included a bit about wishing that instead they could be friends.
This went a long way in helping my son feel better about that particular problem. And since then, the other boy has not been nearly as annoying/offensive. I hope it was in part because he realized he wasn't going to get away with behaving that way at least towards my ds.

Here is a complete guess: Maybe the other boy is feeling like an outsider. (either the GT program is too challenging for him or not enough. the former, perhaps?)

If he has feelings of inadequacy he could be redirecting his anger (at himself, parents, teachers) toward lashing out at your son because your son can't retaliate.

I am not a psychologist. I am just guessing.

But I mention these possiblities because it sounds like the other kid needs some support and/or intervention. Granted, your son is your top priority. I am not suggesting you advocate for the other kids. On the other hand might be helpful to address the whole situation. (i.e. both kids, the whole class) as in kcab's case when they got a new principal the behavior improved in the whole school.

ditto.

So infuriating and frustrating that the teacher is doing as much damage as the child bullying.

EW

Action-
I don't have any good advice. I just hope that the situation improves for you and your DS.

Hi Action,
What you describe was exactly the experience of our son when he was that age. His school had lousy supervision of students and taunters went unobserved. In retrospect, I wish we'd made louder protests about this. All school professionals should be alerted to any bullying, taunting, and stop it. Those doing it should be accountable. Our son's personality/carriage was unusual, geeky, chatty, and stood out. He was not socially smooth. This went on for years in public school. He spiraled down into a full-blown anxiety disorder, OCD, by the time he was in 4th grade. He had angry outbursts at home because he hated school, understandably. ADHD was also diagnosed. We had years of emotional disturbance until his admission into a sci tech h.s. Then, when he began Ritalin, his grades shot up, he had better focus, and his social skills improved from Ritalin. The impulsive chatter that drew peer criticism toned down. Does he have any allies? If not, perhaps a counselor could help him connect/create some. Our son was denied gifted services and never made close friends in his classes, though he had one friend elsewhere.
Looking back, I wish we'd home schooled. Do any town's around you have full-day G&T classes? Would you consider moving to a better dist? If he is miserable, would a Sat. community class give him some relief? Does he have friends through any other community activities to bring some comfort? I know these don't alleviate hugely or rectify the school environment. I empathize deeply; there is not an easy answer to making other kids like ours. He's now in a Ph.d program and doing well.

Action,
I should've also mentioned (my husband reminded me of this) that it helps if our kids can learn self-advocacy skills. Our son's counselors tried to teach him how to handle these taunters and become impervious to them. This didn't work for ours, but it's worth a try. Ours was the stereotypical high IQ case of not reading social cues. Maturity has brought him good social skills but it was a tough, long road.

Action, I think you have a bigger issue.

That does not sound like much of a program to me. If he can do his work without studying and he is not reading 30 pages a night or more, then he is not being challenged at all. It sounds like the "gifted program" is a clique. The bizarre comments by the teacher and the other kids are just a symptom but also point out that your son is different in a GOOD way. This school and the "program" are normalizing intolerance and mediocrity.

Have you looked at other programs for gifted kids - radical acceleration and peer grouping - both with broader and higher academic standards - that are more commonly accepted for gifted kids? The compared them to what your DS gets? Do you have an advocate such as a Psychologist who has evaluated your son?

I agree with Austin. Could this g&t program cater to the moderately gifted only, leaving your son needing more? Second grade seems to be when peer ostracization starts. I'm afraid that this could become worse for him if teachers and staff are not on the lookout for the taunting. The acting out could be his expression of frustration and anger from an environment that's wrong for him. In the meantime, if he can acquire skills to bounce the taunts off that might help. A counselor might be in order and they can be advocates with you at meetings.