Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments do you know anything about montessori preschool?

Mia's right. DS4 cried every time I left him at pre-K for MONTHS. But by the time I was away from the door, he was over it, and he loved school, the other kids, his teachers, painting, swnging, etc. Crying at the door usually means NOTHING, and the quickest way to get them over it is to disengage QUICKLY! Leave! Get out and don't come back until the end of the day. The more seriously you take the tears, the longer they will last. Be calm, cool, and collected. Be happy that she's going to have such a fun day! Give the teachers time to earn your child's trust; the only way that will happen is if you go away!

And if *you're* going to cry, save it for when your child can't see you.

Also, BTW, this has been a lifesaver for me with my sensitive kid: remember that no child has ever cried to death! If the child is just sad, s/he'll get over it. If the child is hurt and crying, well, of course that's another story. If the school is a bad fit and the child is generally miserable all the time, that's a problem. But a child's crying strictly because mom is leaving, and the kid then goes on to have a good school day? Well, that is not something that should distress you one iota!

Remember, kids adapt. If the school is a good fit and the only issue is separation anxiety, then the best thing to do is to let the child have the chance to get over the anxiety. The only way to do that is to leave! (And come back at the end of the day, of course...)

Just to add to Mia and Kriston's point. One thing I did, with some success, was to encourage DS physically to push me out the door when it was time for me to go after dropping him off. Somehow his taking responsibility for my leaving managed to help with the separation anxiety. That said, it's heart-wrenching and difficult to get through.

BB

Thank you for the replies. You are all so helpful, and is really nice to be able to get some other points of view from you!

Saying goodbye at the door sounds horrible! I guess that is part of my selfish consideration to keep her home (obviously not a good reason!)...then I wouldn't have to leave her there!

I will tour the school and hopefully they will let me sit in on the preschool class. I wonder if they would let my dd come for a visit/play too? I doubt it, but hopefully they will let me sit in for a few minutes. I will also make sure to ask them about communication with parents and what I am "allowed" to do in terms of dropping in, or obvserving my daughter if I think I need to (which I will!).

Mia, you did hit the nail on the head when you were talking about the different settings and dd's personality. I think a play based preschool could be wonderful for her, but in my city they tend to be big (in terms of number of kids and environment). She is so sensitive to sound and she doesn't like busy places, so I wonder about that. But, with the playing I know she would get to "be a kid" perhaps a bit more (in my mind anyways) and use the materials however she liked etc. I thought Montessori might be a bit quieter and perhaps a more calming environment, but I don't want her to feel it is not "fun".

anyhow, I feel like I am putting way too much thought into this, but i can't help it...it has now consumed me because preschools are filling up as I type! I am so bad at Jeopardy because of the time constraint (ok ok and because I just don't know the answers), and I feel the time contraint pressure now too.

I should have done this months/years ago! I put her name down for the preschool that I was SURE I wanted her to go to, but that was when she was 9 months old, and i have since changed my mind and since I cancelled her interview we now have nothing!

Anyhow, I do realize my thoughts are going in circles at this point, so thank you for listening, but please don't feel you need to reply anymore! I will reread what you have all said and I am sure I will come up with some solution...like just try it out and if we don't like it drop out. Pretty simple right! I don't know why I keep for getting about that solution!

Ok I'm off to eat dinner...thank you all again

I haven't read all the replies here, so please excuse me if I repeat what others have said. Any school can use the name Montessori, so individual schools may vary quite a bit. I checked out three Montessori schools when it was time for my son to attend preschool, and each was quite different. We chose the most traditional Montessori school, which was basically a one room school house for kids 3-6. My son was 3.5 when he started, and his abilities were recognized early on. The directress had him working with the kindergarten students, and she brought in things like a 4th grade history text for him to read. He was gloriously happy for the first year, but the following year he was miserable. He'd outgrown much of the curriculum and the older kids who he'd worked with had all graduated. He was told to work alone as there weren't any kids near his ability level. He is a social kid and this caused him great frustration. He started getting in trouble for wandering around the classroom and "helping" other kids with their work. After three months, we pulled him out to homeschool.

Montessori can be great for a gifted kid, but a lot depends upon the flexibility of the staff.

good luck!

Lorel - your story is an exact description of what occured with our little guy in Montessori

Belle-

It's funny how fast it seemed to go from great to not good. DS started feeling bad about himself, as he tried really hard to obey the rules, and took criticism hard.

I know two other very gifted kids who loved Montessori for a while, but ended up leaving due to poor fit.

I too, am joining in late, but I'm a Montessori teacher at the elementary level and a mom, so might have some helpful input. My DD6 did not have a great experience in her first Montessori preschool, but absolutely loved the second one we tried. (We switched mid-year due to her unhappiness.) Choosing an elementary program was difficult because I know and love much about Montessori (although I bring more to my teaching now that I understand more about giftedness and other issues). I very much wanted it to work out for her. I think DD6 would likely do well in my class if I weren't her mom. I agree that the flexibility and knowledge base of the staff makes all the difference, especially for 2E kids. I've found that some children are overwhelmed by the amount of choice in my classroom. I offer another space with an assistant where children can work in a more quiet, less stimulating environment part of the time. I think a lot about keeping my program true to the Montessori ideal, but when I try to truly "follow the child" I find myself having to incorporate lots of new ideas. I consult with an OT, for example, and have found that this has helped tremendously in supporting some 2E children in the classroom and giving them a positive experience at school.
I think it really depends on the teachers and their willingness to focus on children's strengths and to work to support, rather than judge, and communicate well with parents.