I am part of another parents forum and I have read so many posts from people stating that they would not consider Montessori for Preschool or Kindergarten.

I am trying so hard to make some choices for my daughter for the fall, and one environment i have thought might be a good match is Montessori.

Have you had any experiences? Positives/negatives?

Thanks!

Well I will let you know in a couple weeks. We are starting my DS4 in a montessori program this week. It seems like a much better fit than his current pre-k. There was nothing wrong with his other pre-k we just think it would be good for him to learn how to be challenged a bit, to work on completing tasks, and to be in a more relaxed setting as when his setting is calmer he is significantly calmer. We tried it out for a day last week and he loved it. He is in love with all the "manipulatives" He could care less about typical pre-k toys (action figures, dramatic play, etc). but really likes blocks/puzzles, math stuff, art, etc. And they get to go outside each day which he is excited about and I think it is good for kids.

This topic comes up a lot, and the reviews here seem to be mixed. Some had amazing, fabulous experiences, and others (like me) were not terribly pleased.

Preschool success seems to have more to do with the specific school and teacher and whether they "get" your child and just how GT s/he is than with the method, Montessori or otherwise. Certainly the Montessori method is a valid one. Properly practiced and with the right teacher, it can be a good fit for an HG+ child. But like everything else, one size does not fit all.

You might search for "Montessori" here and check the old threads. There hasn't been one for a few months, but there are a number of them buried in there.

Hi Oneisenough -

Kriston's advice is spot on! My DS4.5 has done two years of Montessori and has been thriving. I don't know his LOG but I think maybe around MG+ ...not as advanced at 2-2.5 as your daughter (going by your posts from October.)

Really, it all depends on the particular school and if the teachers get your kid. We went with Montessori after another preschool that was a **terrible fit**. You will see some of my old posts when you do your search.

PM me if you have specfic questions.

Montessori was supposed to be our solution for next few years (read till DS runs out of their curriculum) at least that's what we thought back in 2007.

DS6 spent 2 years in a play based PreK and was very happy there. There wasn't too much academics involved and it was mostly about having fun. They still let him read to other kids and bring in his own report about Solar System. He loved it there.

He spent K in Montessori together with his younger brother who was 3 at that time. Within a week the teachers told me that they had never had a child like my son but they also told me that this wasn't school for him. On one hand they said he was extremely gt on the other hand they told me I was pushing him, he learned only to please me, etc. They went on and on about his handwriting. He was unhappy and angry at home. His perfectionism went trough the roof. He asked to be hs.

I still think it was most likely a better match than public K would be (part of the reason was that he went only 1/2 day as opposed to full day in PS). That said I have a big regret that I didn't pull him out when he asked to stay home.

It was a very bad year for our younger one (3 at that time). Where our older son was clearly out of their curriculum and they tried to accommodate him, our younger one fit nicely in their idea of 3-6 year old program. They followed the manual to the "t". They wouldn't let him move beyond simple counting because he couldn't write the numbers. Nevermind that he had hands of a three year old and none of the 3 year olds could. He came there reading but they still attempted to teach him a few letters. He didn't like it there. He refused to go to school quite often and I let him to stay home.

This year DS6 is hs and DS4 is back in the play based preschool where our older one used to go. He is happy in PreK now.

Our experience can be summed up to "No academics is better than wrong academics." For some gt kids play based PreK may be a very good option. They can get all the academics their heart desires at home and on the right level.

Then there was the Montessori pre-K we visited but did NOT attend in which the kids listened silently to a LONG Dr. Seuss book for something like 20 minutes without even breathing loudly! No one asked questions, commented on the pictures, or interacted in ANY way with the teacher! It was creepy! When my 3yo son asked a question about the book, a litle girl beside him shushed him before the words were out of his mouth.

It didn't get better when they moved to their work. It was the quietest room I ever saw. I felt like I'd entered the pre-K from the Stepford Wives! Not a great place for an active, talkative, social boy!!!

When we left, DS said, "I didn't like that school."

"Neither did I, sweetie," I replied, "Neither did I!"

That's the worst and weirdest example I've heard of, but it's a good example of why not all Montessori schools are created equal. <shudder>

The one he went to was just not good at skipping the "easy" work, though they had promised up-front that they would. Remember: they can sell you the moon and the stars when you're school-hunting; the question is really will they deliver? Ours did not. Some do! (Thank goodness!)

I hesitate to write on this thread b/c my knowledge is through some friends, but what LMom wrote hit so close to what one friend's daughter is experiencing I just wanted to add it. She is in a long line of Montessori students. Her dad's education was the Montessori program as well as all his siblings so he was very insistent on the school choice and the international guidelines. But she too is being pigeon held to the age range. She is ready to progress into the next level for a few areas but they won't let her continue because she is too young and if I am not mistaken it is the same logic of having to write the numbers before going on. Which I'm sorry but being able to write something is of a different ability. The sad thing is that even though he is complaining about the structure and holding her back, he is by no means ready to pull her out of the program and I really hope that decision doesn't hinder her.

All of this said I also want to say that I have heard very positive comments about Montessori school and from who all I heard both sides from I am coming to a conclusion that I think Montessori school is great for the ND or lower level GT kids but not necessarily the best option for HG+ b/c of the limits of acceleration.

And I too am under the belief of play based preschool being the best option for my DD 28 mths. My rational for it is she really doesn't need academic since she is far ahead (already equates to 1st grade curriculum in verbal and math) as it is and the reason we would even put her into preschool at this point is for socialization.

Anyway... that is my 2 cents for what it is worth since I don't have direct experience with Montessori schools.

Some are really good. I know Wren loves their Montessori school, and there are others out there who had extremely good experiences, too.

Even ours wasn't all bad--they did let him move ahead eventually. It just took them until January to figure out that when I said "He's reading books and has been for a year now," that I MEANT IT! That was really frustrating, and it wasted half the year. My son did absolutely no language arts in that school for half the year! He did other things, of course, but it seems ridiculous to me that they didn't know he knew his letters because they ignored me and were requiring him to go lockstep through their activities.

But that's about that one school and that one teacher. It just shows that all Montessori schools aren't great for HG+ kids, not that all Montessori schools are bad for HG+ kids. I don't think either is true.

I would never bash any one pre-K method. You can't paint all of them with a single brush like that. It really does come down to the specific school and the specific teacher and if they get the child, regardless of method.

Hmm ... well, ds6 (who is HG+) had a *great* Montessori experience.

We moved him from playbased daycare (it wasn't *really* preschool, we needed all-day care) to Montessori when he was 4y3m. It was becoming clear to us that he wasn't happy at his play-based center. He was already reading well and was starting in on the math; he seemed bored with the kids and bored with the available toys.

Let me preface this with the fact that the Montessori Early Childhood program he attended (ages 3-6, mixed age group) is a Montessori training college -- they are "good" Montessorians.

He really blossomed at Montessori. He entered reading fairly well (he was big into Captain Underpants at the time), so the reading wasn't as noticeable. But his math in particular took off, not really as a result of particular instruction but because he was able to explore manipulatives. OTOH, he *was* exposed to money and place value, ideas I wouldn't have thought to teach him. Before he turned 5 he was accurately counting large piles of change.

No, they didn't know how GT he was -- but for that matter, neither did I. His teacher was floored one naptime toward the beginning of the year; Ds-then-4 was meant to be napping, and his favorite teacher was sitting next to him with her laptop, working on write-ups for parent-teacher conferences. She heard him whispering quietly, and realized he was reading the words as she was typing them! I think after that they had some idea that he was pretty bright, and they did work to keep him stimulated.

The nice thing about Montessori, when done right, is that so many of the materials are open-ended and the child can differentiate for herself, to a point. The language lessons and the math are easier to take to a deeper level, especially with a skilled and in-tune teacher.

The other nice thing is the self-help skills. As a pampered only child, ds never had to do much for himself -- it was faster for me to put on his shoes, coat, etc, so I just always did! Montessori places a heavy emphasis on self-help and self-care skills; these were great for ds.

Overall, it was great for us. Ds liked his time there, and we were happy with it. Yes, the classroom was quiet and orderly, but not in a bad way -- the kids were all just busy and engaged! It is amazing to see a Montessori classroom in action -- as long as it's not of the Stepford variety. The kids are all active and engaged and really enjoying the learning process.

Go in and observe!

And that is how it can (and should!) be at a Montessori school. I really think the method has a *lot* of promise for HG+ kids. But it just comes down to the individual school and the individual teacher and their take on your kid.

thank you all so much...but SHOOT, now I am back at square-one! I am trying to find parents that have send kids to the preschools I am looking at and listen to what they say. I know each school will be different, but I was really hoping that Montessori would allow her to sort of work at her own pace. How do I make sure that the particular school/preschool will allow this? I also thought that maybe the Montessori preschool would be a little more organized and relaxed than some other preschools. Our daughter is not great in loud, busy social situations. She is quite shy and, unless I am with her, she is almost not very interested in playing (or being in the same room as) other children, except her cousin. I was hoping that preschool would help with this too.

I am going in circles, I know. It is such a hard choice. I think 1/2 of me wants to keep her home, but I think that might be for selfsih reasons, but I don't know. The other 1/2 wants her to go to school because I am not sure I can giver her everything she needs, including socializing.

ARG!

ok,ok I am feeling better...I just read MIA's reply (must have been written at the same time as I was writting). The school I am looking at is also a Montessori training school. Maybe that means they will also be good Montessorians? Or maybe it means they will be totally by the book and make the kids jump through all sorts of hoops. I didn't even really know these hoops existed, but I now realize that I should find out about this.

hmmmm

I think Mia is 100% right: observe. That is the best thing. And then take your child in and see how she does in that environment. Seeing DS actually in Stepford World made it very clear that it was not a good fit...

Also, talk to parents, especially to those with HG+ kids. Ask lots of questions of the teachers about how they handle difference of all sorts, not just GTness. (After all, how they handle religious difference or kids who are slower learners than average might tell you quite a lot about their philosophy regarding individuality and learning.) Ask about the fastest learner they had and how they handled it. Ask what they would do if a child spent all her time in one area or on one activity. Ask every question you can think of!

But the moral of the story is that until you go see in person and talk to everyone you can find about how this particular school is, you *are* back at square one!

One thought: if you put her in and it doesn't go well, can you pull her out without losing your shirt? If so, it seems to me that since you're considering keeping her home anyway, there's no big loss if it doesn't work out, right?

Also, what are your other options? Is this the only school you're considering? Does she have to go this year, or could you send her next year?

I'm just thinking here...

ya, you are exactly right...she doesn't have to stay in the school. We would be out 2 months tuition (not a huge amount at this school) and the uniform cost.

I guess what I will do is tour the few schools I am looking at then choose one and give it a shot. If it doesn't work out then she can stay home. Or if I decide that she is going to stay home regardless then we are only out the application cost.

Thank you so much. This is so hard for me because it is the first school experience for her, and first for me as a parent. It is a bit stressful. I want her to love school, like i did!

Anyhow...thank you all so much again!

I know how hard it is. I remember that first look at pre-Ks and thinking that it was SO SCARY! It's such a huge decision!

But don't make it worse than it is. In my experience, it feels bigger than it really is because it's the first choice of its kind. One thing that has really helped me so far on this journey is realizing what decisions are irreversible (very few) and which are changeable (nearly all). Happily for you, this one is easily reversed. The opportunity cost is that your daughter wouldn't finish pre-K this year. But that's clearly not the end of the world. So no worries, right?

(Yeah, right...)

Here's hoping your daughter has a wonderful preschool year!

thank you Worst case scenario, we pull her out and she stays home with me...which is the other choice anyways so what is the big deal?! There we go...simple!

Thank you! Can I just keep you in my pocket and whenever I need someone to put things into perspective i can just pull you out?! Maybe I need more children...I think way too much about this little one!

People had to do the same for me when I was in your shoes. I think it's pretty normal.

Stick around and you can talk me down from my next freak out! It WILL happen--it's just a matter of time! LOL!

I am one who has a great experience with an accredited Montessori. But I also have a gifted head teacher, truly amazing, who "gets" my child. We are doing applications for a gifted elementary and both the teachers and we have to write essays about DD for review and they are writing great stuff that supports our stories.

We used a school consultant who told us which early childhood classes (they have 5) were the best in the school. And demanded the class with the teachers she said were great.

Ren

In a way, that's what visiting is for. To give you data about more children and how different teachers relate to them. nothing like a little perspective

When I decided to switch my ds I visited almost a dozen child care sitation including Montessorri, home day care and playbased. I sat in the classroom of 5 different Montssori schools bewtween 5 and 25 minutes drive of our house. Of the schools that I liked (4) I brought my ds back to see if it was a good fit.

I learned a lot from all those visits. Especially about how the Montessori philosophy is not always implemented the same way.

Once you are in the classroom and can observe a range of kids and teachers you'll be able to determine the best fit for your daughter.

- EW

I agree that visiting and testing if you have the luxury of time are essential. I thought Montessori would be the perfect fit for a gifted kid too -because of them learnng at their own pace. It turned out the school we used actually held my child back from things he could do - saying he couldn't do them until the following year! That didn't even follow Montessori principles. A couple of years into the school it became clear that temprement is also highly important. Our child wanted to play and socialize and had mostly been around adults. There was also no system for discipline in place that worked with our child's temprement. How the school is set up to deal with problems is really important and not something you think about when you child is 2, has not had time to be naughty and isn't a trouble maker yet. But if they become a trouble maker - then knowing how the school deals with discipline is important. I found schools reluctant to talk about this - they wanted to behave during initial interviews like all kids were "perfect" and not be negative - and as the parent - you hardly want to walk in and say "my kid might turn out to be a trouble maker - in that situation - what would you do?"

A county counsellor helped us identify our child as highly spirited. I recently read an article that Montessori often does not work well for super shy or super spirited kids - and in my experience that was the case. But how each school is being run is of huge importance and I didn't have the luxury of day time visits or the time to go around several schools. Luckily, I had a stay-at-home mom friend that visited a ton of pre-schools on behalf of both our children and she helped us find a church school in the end to provide more structure.

Montessori philosophy can differ depending on who runs the school, how accredited they are, and whether they are accredited with the American, or World/International Montessori Associatons. (There are several). The school has to meet certain requirements to get these accreditations. Note though: they don't always have to meet every single requirement or even get every single Montessori accreditation in order to open and legally function as a Pre-School (as was the case at our school).

Any Pre-school is a scary decision when it's your first - so I totally undretand what you're going through emotionally. Don't rush - espeically as you do have the ability to stay home and watch your child and especially as you don't sound like you'll be losing a huge deposit, fees or a place at the school you want. Often the waiting lists alone at most preschools start signing kids up as early as March of the preceeding year - and in my experience - there was pressure to renew our contract with schools as early as March - which seemed ridiculous when a child of a young age just started i September and when a children develop so much in a few months at that age. It's hard to predict what they need and hard not to feel pressured about losing your place at a current school. Demand for Montessori can be really high - so best to start the process early and learn as much about that type of school from the various Montessori websites.

I just had to add my .02 in here so if I go on a tirade I apologize...my son's experience at his Montessori school is what pushed us over the edge, killed his love of learning and opened our eyes to homeschooling. I agree with everyone on here 100%...it all depends on the teacher and how that teacher perceives "montessori". I have seen countless children go through Montessori and then come into my K classroom when I used to teach and I saw an absolute difference between "regular" preschooled children and Montessori children - for the better. I have friends in other states that have had outstanding experiences with Montessori programs. The clue is to find the teacher and the school that is a "true" Montessori.
So of course when it came time, we began my son at a Montessori program. Because my husband and I both had to work, he began at a Montessori school when he was 2 (they had a pre-montessori class at the montessori school that he attended). His teacher was amazing, he thrived for 1.5 years in her program....when he moved up to the 3-5 regular Montessori preschool class that is when all the stuff began to hit the fan. The first year, he was still trying to learn how to deal with his Sensory issues and kind of took a back seat to things...was very quiet. He would hardly say boo in class and then run circles at home all evening long exploring everything under the sun. The next year (his 3rd year there), he felt confident and really started to be himself in class and the teacher was completely overwhelmed...she kept trying to pigeon hole him..wouldn't allow him to move from one activity to another even though he very clearly had the activity mastered. If it wasn't done absolutely to her exact specifications (such as QUIETLY carrying his activity tray WITHOUT spilling any of the activity items off the tray)..then he was made to do it over and over again despite the fact he could do the activity. She would not allow him to move on to more complex math activities (which is his love and strength) because he could not write "properly". She swore up and down that Montessori was all about being in complete control of your body and learning how to walk slowly, handling one item at a time, completing the activity and slowly walking to put items back one at a time. Yes, self control is part of the Method but it is not the end all of it. She complained that my son was learning "too quickly" and what would she do. She purposely held back activities he was ready for and told him he couldn't do it until he was in Kindergarten. So a whole section of the class got closed off to kids unless they were delegated as K children..no matter that the child was very much BEGGING to do them.....my son became a changed person and began to hate school. We should have pulled him sooner but we kept thinking it would get better the more teacher conferences we would have explaining that Maria Montessori did NOT pigeon hole her students...if they were ready to move on, she allowed them.....he was frustrated and so were we....so we are exploring homeschooling which is going wonderfully. Please make sure to go in with a list of questions to find out if they are a true Montessori and ask how they handle it when a child is very clearly able to handle the next level of an activity even though they might not be able to write....sorry to rant..

thank you so much. I appreciate that. It is great to know specifically what I should be asking and looking for. The hard thing would be sending dd there and just trusting them. How will I know what is actually going on the classroom? I really don't like the idea of certain tasks having to be completed before others, and I don't like the idea of there being only specific ways to use the manipulatives. What if dd wanted to build a castle out of the blocks...I am guessing that is a no-no? Are they allowed to use their imagination at all? I guess what attracted me to the program was the learn at your own pace part of it and the idea of self learners and self motivators.

Well, I suppose I will just see how the tour and the open house goes at this school and just take it from there.

Thank you all so much...very helpful.

Onsie - Can you 'journal' abit about what selfish reasons you think might be influencing you?

Also, how many hours per day/ days per week are these programs.

Alllllso, (sorry to sound like a broken record here) Socializing with peers is important. But, are you likely to find kids that will motivate her to reach out and share herself with at an age-based program? No. So if by socialized you mean for her to follow other adults, just make sure that the other adults are of a similar LOG as your daughter.

Observe, Observe, Observe!


Grins

No, I think it's usually frowned upon to use manipulatives in any way but the "right" way. Montessori materials are expensive, so the prescribed way is the way it must be done. As this "right way" is usually/supposed to be challenging to the child, it's usually not an issue. The kids naturally tend to focus on that goal because the challenge grabs them, you know? But from what I've seen, there's not much room for imaginative play in Montessori. DS7 just did this stuff at home after school, but for a really creative kid, I suppose that could be a problem.

As for how will you know what's happening, you'll want to find a school that allows you to observe when you want to. We had to make an appointment at our Montessori school because they wouldn't let parents in the room, and there was only room for one behind the one-way mirror in the office. I'll admit that I didn't love that I couldn't just show up and watch. Most schools do let you just show up. But OTOH, the mirror did give me a way to see what was really happening, without my presence affecting my son's regular behavior. So that was nice.

However, the fact is that if your DD goes to pre-K, you *won't* always know exactly what is happening with her or have control over it. She's out in the world without you for part of the day, and that will be something you and she will have to adjust to. You'll have to rely a lot on what she tells you and what the teacher tells you. Good communication with other parents in the class helps, too, since they often provide another adult take on what's going on.

I will say that I think some of pre-K is about letting go a bit, often more for the parent than for the child. My mom was a (wonderful!) pre-K teacher, and she often talked about kids who were very independent and capable, until their parents came into class to volunteer...and suddenly the child couldn't pour juice or do things alone. Mom took over and the kid became helpless. (I'm not saying that's you, just that I've seen it from the other side that not all parents are ready to let go, and that it isn't really a good thing for a child if they're not.)

If she (or you!) aren't ready to let go like that, then it probably is too early for pre-K. There's nothing wrong with that. Not everyone has to go to pre-K. Certainly not everyone needs to go for 2 years. But it's better to figure that out now rather than sending her and not really having your heart in it, you know?

In my positive experience, the teachers are strict with troublemakers. This is DD's second year in the class of 3-5 year olds. Two boys, aged 3, joined the class this past fall. They are trouble and the teachers would give them "time outs", they say they are not time outs but they have to sit at the desk until they understand what is going on.

The whole class would be going to Central Park for a walk and if they didn't behave, they would have to turn around and go back. So the whole class suffered, which is peer pressure. I would hear stories of these two boys not behaving, at bath time. I don't hear them anymore. It took a couple of months, but they behave.

Ren

Well my DS just started a Montessori school this morning. I am hopeful that there is some room for creativity. When we went to visit he took the number rods and started lining them up. He started to put the numbers next to the rods as was suggested, but then he decided to spread out the numbers and move the 10 rod toward the number 10. He then verbalized that the mission was for the 10 rod to hit the 10 and that it only had 3 chances and that it was going towards the 2. It apparently did hit the 10 on the third time, so all was well. He wasn't loud or overly active with this so maybe it was okay. Anyhow, the teacher just watched and didn't say anything. She smiled and seemed interested in how he would play. Of course I was on a visit and she may have been a little less directive because I was on a visit. They do say that kids want to explore everything first and that they encourage that, but when he wanted to play with a few things they encouraged him to get instructions first. But they did let him play with them without instructions. I am not sure if they would come over and tell him that he wasn't playing with them right or not. He is not the most super creative kid in the world, but he typically figures and things and does things in an atypical way. She had told him to only carry one rod at a time to the rug so that he could see them getting bigger and he told her that he could already tell that they were getting bigger even if he carried more than one. But then complied with carrying only one at a time. That was the only thing that bothered me a little bit during my visit. Because really it is more efficient to carry a couple at a time. it gives you more time to do other things. : )

Of course, this is only our experience...

At ds's Montessori program, it seemed like they were more concerned with "inappropriate" use of materials--like turning rods into swords -- than with exploration of the materials. It's meant to be directed independent learning, so yes, the number beads are meant for adding/subtracting/multiplying, not for turning into trains. Teachers would redirect if the materials weren't being used for learning.

That's what we were going for, an environment in which he'd be actively learning, since he was clearly bored at his play-based daycare. I don't know if it would have gone as well had we started him at a young 3; he may not have been ready for the environment. As it was, he was among the squirreliest at circle time. But overall, it was what he needed at the right time for him.

On a positive note - Montessori has tons on offer when done well. My son knew all of the continents by the end of the first semester of his second year and had pin punched every single continent out of paper and assembled a "globe" picture. You won't find that kind of activity I don't think at most Pre-K's. All the work he did from age 2 3/4 or so was geared towards toddler's and their need to feel and touch things which was great.

I would ask lots of questions about the administrative side of the school and ask other parents how they find the communication at the school. This was a huge let down at our school - though I hear its now more organized. As you can't possibly know what your kids are doing all day once you let them go, what the teacher's tell you and how soon they tell you is important. How attentive they are is important. One time my child went into school and another child started yelling at him, and he was yelling back and it was obvious that what he had been telling me about not liking this child was true and had gone on rather a long time. Other parents that didn't work filled me in on a lot of other incidents I would never have known about. It also took the school ages (one whole semester) to tell me that he was starting to have some behavioral issues when he was a young 4 - and I felt like they had waited way too long.

Also ask about how they structure their playground time. I found our school wasn't always really monitoring the playground the same way they monitored the work indoors - and outside time was often when the worse incidents occurred or when the worst influence from certain problem children they took in one year occurred. I felt that adversely affected my son and exposed him to things I personally had been keeping away from him.

ok....hmmm journaling on why I feel I might have selfish reasons for her to stay home with me. I guess a part of me just thinks it might be easier for her to be home with me. I won't have to worry about all of this. I won't have to worry that she is being treated properly, or is happy...I know she is happy with me at home! I think some of the selfishness is also me just not wanting to deal with what most parents have to deal with when there child goes to school. How do I check on her and make sure everything is ok, what if everything isn't ok, what if somehow my choice of programs for her has in some way changed her in a negative way. Isn't this all so much easier if I can stay in my bubble and not send her! BUT and a big but here, I really think that she might like school at some point...as for this fall or next fall,I don't know. So if I think she might thrive in a preschool environment, then how can I be selfish and hold her back...well I can't.

The montessori program I am looking at these days is 3 afternoons per week (not sure how naps would work) for 2.5 hours per day. It is called an introduction to Montessori Preschool. The full preschool program is 5 mornings per week, but other than the time, they are the same program. The play based programs I have been looking at are 2 or 3 mornings (2.5 hours) per week.

I guess by socialize, I mean being comfortable in the same room as other kids, without me there. I would like to her learn to talk with other kids, want to sit with them, share etc. Right now she plays with her cousin (very gifted) of the same age and other than that she doesn't really show any interest in wanting to be around other kids. At kindergyms she does her thing and once in a while drops what she is doing (playing in a tunnel, building a tower etc) because other kids come to join her. Soemtimes she even seems scared of the other kids. So, I guess I was thinking mainly of learning to have fun with other kids, besides her cousin. Maybe a play based preschool would be better for that...or maybe a small preschool of only 7 or 8 kids.

orrrrr maybe she will just stay home with me...always the easiest! lol It's so hard to trust someone with her. I'm not sure why...I guess because she is my only child, but I only trust my mom and my husband with her and now I have to leave her with basically a stranger?!

ok enough of this rambling! Thank you all forgiving me a place to type! I don't expect this to be replied to...if anything, it is a valuble exercise for me to just type without thinking and try to clear up my thoughts! Didn't work this time, but maybe next time! lol

If your main motivation is to get her some socialization time, then yes, I think play-based makes a lot of sense. As I mentioned, we needed full-day care -- our Montessori preschool was 5 mornings a week, and they had "extended day" until 5:30 when those kids continued their works.

I took a semester off of school and had ds-then-3 in a simple community center play program for 2.5 hours, two mornings a week during that time so he didn't get out of the swing of going to "school." It sounds like something like that may be what you're looking for -- there is more freedom for play and she might prefer that.

OTOH, if she is worried by other kids, she may prefer the quiet, structured atmosphere of Montessori. Really, the only way you'll know is by taking her in for a visit!

One thing to consider ... parallel play, where kids play the same thing but alongside each other, not interactive, is very, very normal at that age. Even if she knew the kids, she may not be interested in interactive play, *especially* if she's noticeably ahead of where they are cognitively. They might not understand her games or want to do what she's doing.

DS-then-4 didn't interact much with the kids at his play-based childcare; they just didn't share his interests. He did meet some more kids that interested him at his Montessori -- I think there were more G kids there, though I'm not sure why that is. Just keep in mind that she might not experience the "shared play" until she's a bit older, whether she's in preschool or not.

That said, I think there is a lot of value in the "separate from mom" time that kids with SAHMs get from play-based school, gifted or not, for all the reasons you've listed -- comfortability with other kids, being okay with mom leaving for a bit and knowing she'll come back, social skills like sharing and waiting. Go and observe!



This I can answer, because I was an infant teacher for two years (and loved it!). You can call to check on her. You can ask for a written report each day. You'll know if things aren't going well from her general attitude.

If you do decide to take the plunge, it may take a short adjustment time before she really enjoys going -- I'd give it 6 weeks, whether she loves it or screams at drop off every morning, before making a final decision on whether to keep her in or pull her out. Being away from mom can be a big adjustment for a kid with a SAHM, so give her some time to get used to the idea if she isn't keen on it at first. But you'll know if it's not going well, and you can always pull her out if it's truly a disaster.

Likely, though, she'd enjoy it!

Mia's right. DS4 cried every time I left him at pre-K for MONTHS. But by the time I was away from the door, he was over it, and he loved school, the other kids, his teachers, painting, swnging, etc. Crying at the door usually means NOTHING, and the quickest way to get them over it is to disengage QUICKLY! Leave! Get out and don't come back until the end of the day. The more seriously you take the tears, the longer they will last. Be calm, cool, and collected. Be happy that she's going to have such a fun day! Give the teachers time to earn your child's trust; the only way that will happen is if you go away!

And if *you're* going to cry, save it for when your child can't see you.

Also, BTW, this has been a lifesaver for me with my sensitive kid: remember that no child has ever cried to death! If the child is just sad, s/he'll get over it. If the child is hurt and crying, well, of course that's another story. If the school is a bad fit and the child is generally miserable all the time, that's a problem. But a child's crying strictly because mom is leaving, and the kid then goes on to have a good school day? Well, that is not something that should distress you one iota!

Remember, kids adapt. If the school is a good fit and the only issue is separation anxiety, then the best thing to do is to let the child have the chance to get over the anxiety. The only way to do that is to leave! (And come back at the end of the day, of course...)

Just to add to Mia and Kriston's point. One thing I did, with some success, was to encourage DS physically to push me out the door when it was time for me to go after dropping him off. Somehow his taking responsibility for my leaving managed to help with the separation anxiety. That said, it's heart-wrenching and difficult to get through.

BB

Thank you for the replies. You are all so helpful, and is really nice to be able to get some other points of view from you!

Saying goodbye at the door sounds horrible! I guess that is part of my selfish consideration to keep her home (obviously not a good reason!)...then I wouldn't have to leave her there!

I will tour the school and hopefully they will let me sit in on the preschool class. I wonder if they would let my dd come for a visit/play too? I doubt it, but hopefully they will let me sit in for a few minutes. I will also make sure to ask them about communication with parents and what I am "allowed" to do in terms of dropping in, or obvserving my daughter if I think I need to (which I will!).

Mia, you did hit the nail on the head when you were talking about the different settings and dd's personality. I think a play based preschool could be wonderful for her, but in my city they tend to be big (in terms of number of kids and environment). She is so sensitive to sound and she doesn't like busy places, so I wonder about that. But, with the playing I know she would get to "be a kid" perhaps a bit more (in my mind anyways) and use the materials however she liked etc. I thought Montessori might be a bit quieter and perhaps a more calming environment, but I don't want her to feel it is not "fun".

anyhow, I feel like I am putting way too much thought into this, but i can't help it...it has now consumed me because preschools are filling up as I type! I am so bad at Jeopardy because of the time constraint (ok ok and because I just don't know the answers), and I feel the time contraint pressure now too.

I should have done this months/years ago! I put her name down for the preschool that I was SURE I wanted her to go to, but that was when she was 9 months old, and i have since changed my mind and since I cancelled her interview we now have nothing!

Anyhow, I do realize my thoughts are going in circles at this point, so thank you for listening, but please don't feel you need to reply anymore! I will reread what you have all said and I am sure I will come up with some solution...like just try it out and if we don't like it drop out. Pretty simple right! I don't know why I keep for getting about that solution!

Ok I'm off to eat dinner...thank you all again

I haven't read all the replies here, so please excuse me if I repeat what others have said. Any school can use the name Montessori, so individual schools may vary quite a bit. I checked out three Montessori schools when it was time for my son to attend preschool, and each was quite different. We chose the most traditional Montessori school, which was basically a one room school house for kids 3-6. My son was 3.5 when he started, and his abilities were recognized early on. The directress had him working with the kindergarten students, and she brought in things like a 4th grade history text for him to read. He was gloriously happy for the first year, but the following year he was miserable. He'd outgrown much of the curriculum and the older kids who he'd worked with had all graduated. He was told to work alone as there weren't any kids near his ability level. He is a social kid and this caused him great frustration. He started getting in trouble for wandering around the classroom and "helping" other kids with their work. After three months, we pulled him out to homeschool.

Montessori can be great for a gifted kid, but a lot depends upon the flexibility of the staff.

good luck!

Lorel - your story is an exact description of what occured with our little guy in Montessori

Belle-

It's funny how fast it seemed to go from great to not good. DS started feeling bad about himself, as he tried really hard to obey the rules, and took criticism hard.

I know two other very gifted kids who loved Montessori for a while, but ended up leaving due to poor fit.

I too, am joining in late, but I'm a Montessori teacher at the elementary level and a mom, so might have some helpful input. My DD6 did not have a great experience in her first Montessori preschool, but absolutely loved the second one we tried. (We switched mid-year due to her unhappiness.) Choosing an elementary program was difficult because I know and love much about Montessori (although I bring more to my teaching now that I understand more about giftedness and other issues). I very much wanted it to work out for her. I think DD6 would likely do well in my class if I weren't her mom. I agree that the flexibility and knowledge base of the staff makes all the difference, especially for 2E kids. I've found that some children are overwhelmed by the amount of choice in my classroom. I offer another space with an assistant where children can work in a more quiet, less stimulating environment part of the time. I think a lot about keeping my program true to the Montessori ideal, but when I try to truly "follow the child" I find myself having to incorporate lots of new ideas. I consult with an OT, for example, and have found that this has helped tremendously in supporting some 2E children in the classroom and giving them a positive experience at school.
I think it really depends on the teachers and their willingness to focus on children's strengths and to work to support, rather than judge, and communicate well with parents.