Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Help! Changing schools, *very* sensitive HG+child

Please, please-- I need your help and advice.

Please bear with me through some background. My son (now seven, almost eight) is currently in second grade at a traditional public school. We just moved to a new city at the beginning of the school year, and he wanted to go back to school. (We pulled him from a horrible first grade situation halfway through the year). We looked at the local public school, found it to be okay, and decided to give it a try.

He has made a friend, and gets along alright with the other kids. He loves his teacher--although his teacher candidly stated that moving up in grades at the school, he will run into problems, even with their gifted program (GIEP). He stated "off the record" that he would do better at another school in our city.

Well, there is a democratic/constructivist school very close to us. He is on the waiting list and there is a possibility that he may get in this year. I am going to apply and hope he gets in next year if he doesn't switch this year, but I am not sure if he will get in (through a lottery process). The school is big on respecting the child and child participation. There is a mixed grade (3-4-5) set up where they do stuff in separate grades but also mixed based on interest and ability. This school has a high school as well, where the kids can take classes at the community college. I know he will love it and do well once he makes the switch. There is a gifted specialist teacher for the 3/4/5s, too.

But he is very sensitive, and loves his current teacher.

If he can switch this year, should we do it? He says he doesn't want to switch this year, but what if that is the only sure way to get into the school (lottery space is very limited for the higher grades). He has a lot of anxiety and OEs. And I feel we've moved him around so much.

But my heart says get him into the new school and don't look back, but he is so sensitive and I don't want to hurt him, you know?

So what would you do? Have him visit the new school (if he gets in) and then decide?

He has one friend there in the first grade (which he will have contact with since the K-1-2s do a lot together) and knows another boy as well.

Thank you for reading this and your input!
TIA!

That is a good idea. Thank you master of none, I'll keep that in mind.

MON's idea is wonderful! But I suspect a visit might also help a lot. I don't think I'd push it too hard until he's seen it for himself. The unknown is always scarier than the known, esp. for sensitive kids.

Yes, he will certainly have a visit before "officially" switching schools. And he will be able to go back to his old school if he is miserable. I think he will really like it, though.

I guess I'll not talk about it until he has visited for a day. That way he won't worry about it until he has an experience of it. Thank you Kriston.

would anyone hesitate to move schools again? He's been in 3 schools over 3 years (counting homeschooling). We just got the letting about him being in the TAG program, so we'll have an IEP. But I don't know if that will help much.

Ahh, I wish this was easier.

I guess just visit new school and then decide?

((He told us not to blow it, cause you know it's all worthwhile, He told me...))

I say: Do not throw away a good school situation with a teacher that 'gets' your child for an unknown.

Of course try to switch at the end of the year, but a 'bird in the hand' is an amazing thing for these kids.

What if you don't ever get into the other school? You still will have lots and lots of choices.

I would say that the best thing to do is for YOU to go and spend time observing the other classroom. Just sit quietly in the back for 40 minutes and see what the other kids are doing. THEN if you just think it would be super, you can see about having DS try it for a day.

Personally, I would put a great teacher in front of anything else,(if the situation is truly healthy for him) as even if the new school is terrific, IT IS NORMAL for great situations to turn into nightmares in about 6 to 12 months, when your kid is HG+, let alone HG+ and highly sensitive.

If you happen to live in a state like PA that has real gifted laws with teeth and recourse, stay the course. 'Let the ball come to you.' as they say in sports.

Maybe your get lucky, and the terrific teacher will get moved to a new grade next year along with your child. It could happen...

Best Wishes,
Grinity

I don't know if his teacher gets him, but he really likes my ds, and knows that he is way ahead academically. I think you are right, and even with all the downs, this is a huge positive.


yes, so true!


This makes sense, I did this at his current school just to see what the day was like and was impressed with his teachers 'manners' in the classroom. Plus, having a male teacher seems to be a real bonus for my son.


This is a really interesting thought. I can see why this is so. thanks for this tip!


we're in Oregon. I don't know what the law is, but basically, the state came down on our district (Portland) because they weren't doing enough for gifted kids. They don't have pull outs, but there is a gifted magnet, although it has its own problems. We do have G IEPs like PA, though, which is interesting. It seems like we have a lot of leverage, and the Principal at the school is at least approachable and seems receptive. Which is more then a lot of Principals!

Thanks for the perspective, grinity.

I agree with Grinity about the great teacher being of primary importance. No question! The timing issue--make the move now or lose the chance to move--seems to complicate matters though, at least for me.

Any way to find out who he'd have (or even might have) for a teacher at the current school for next year? I realize it's crazy early for that, and they probably have no idea about how they'll divide up the kids. But if you can at least look at his teacher options for next year if he stayed and see good choices, then maybe you don't need to change schools. If all the choices are lousy, then a preemptive move would probably be called for.

If it's a very mixed bag--one great and one just gosh-awful, for example--then it's a tougher call.

On the bright side, I'm not sure there's really a wrong choice here. These close calls are times when I think you have to get as much info as you can before you make a decision, analyze it, and if it's still a total toss-up, then you just go with your gut and forgive yourself if things don't go well. If you did the best you could with the info you had at the time, you can't blame yourself. Sometimes you just have to make a decision, put your head down, and go. You may be at that place.

Accepting that I can do the best I can for my kids and still make mistakes has been the kindest thing I've done for myself in decades! I strongly recommend it.

Well, that is a good idea. Because one teacher is really mellow and cool, and the other teacher YELLS AT HER CLASS. I've heard her in the hall and just thought, What could be going on? And my son tells me she does this all the time. So if it is the yelling teacher he won't go there.



Well, we can always apply through the lottery. And I have a almost 5 year-old applying for K at the charter school, so I have 2 chances in a way. And then older son can always join when he wants to (although they want to go to the same school, I can't see yds in the K at ods's school coloring worksheets. No way, never that again. (!) Unless they are willing to work with us with older ds.


Good advice. Thank you for your advice! It really helps me think through all of this.
Good advice.