Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy philosophical question (another)

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i'd say: Acceleration isn't rewarding misbehavior; it's putting the child where his/her talents justify her/him to be. Critical adult, please imagine yourself spending 6 hrs. a day in a group of people who talk and think about things you left behind when you were 15. Please imagine spending 6 hrs. a day doing simple spelling words, simple math, etc., things you achieved years ago. Now, imagine you are told that you must be content and happy with this, that you must desire the company of people who call you weird because you're different. Yes, we must emotionally mature and do things we might not want to do...but there are still plenty of these challenges when we're placed according to our abilities, not someone else's. Well, that's my 2 cents. Thanks.

DH and I were just talking about this one. I think there is some amount of wisdom in this, but it would seem to me there would be better ways of getting this across to kids than making them endure endless below-level boredom. I would like to hear a good response for this one too.

How about, "I completely agree! That's why we make him clean his room and do his chores. But teaching him that school is something to endure rather than a place to learn things doesn't seem like a particularly good strategy for teaching this value."

(But be sure to do it without the snide tone that creeps into my posts when I respond to idiotic remarks like these!)

Ahhhh! Now i see the problem. I don't make him do chores or clean his room! I'll have to work on that, because i do like your answer.

I have 3 kids that hate math. Regardless of this, they have to go to math class everyday. For DS6, his "math" is Karate. He wanted to take it, but when he found out that everyone else was better than him (he's not terribly coordinated)he wanted to quit. It has helped him understand that although he is amazing at many things, others have strengths where he doesn't. It's the first time in his life that his intellect doesn't help much.

It was a rude awakening for him, but it has taught him that not everything comes easy. Now that he knows I'm not going to let him quit, he has begun to put forth some effort and is enjoying the classes.

I like your answer, Kriston. Well put.

Sometimes a compliment to the other person's child will help. 'You child is so good at setting up challenges for himeslf, that was harder from my son to do in his old classroom.'

or make a joke -
'Well, at least when DS12 is with the older kids, I don't have to worry about him telling them where babies come from or about Santa. It's such a relief.'

or philosophy -
'I'm sure you are correct, I think that deep inside we each know what is best for our own child, don't you? Isn't it beautiful how individual they each are.....' ((cue New Age Music))

The trick is to assume that the other parent is NOT out to get you, and if you have evidence to the contrary, why are you talking to them in the first place?

Of course, you could always raise one eyebrow and say: 'I bet you could, if you had to.' and act all mysterious before you change the subject.

Or - revert to athority 'The principle (judge, police chief, minister, psychologist, learning specialist) said this was for the best.' with a little tilt of your head and wide open eyes.

My favorite - 'I really wanted him to have the same chance as everyone else to learn how to learn, ya'know?'

Smiles,
Girnity

I think the real secret is that no matter which response you choose--and any of those are good!--you have to have the courage of your convictions.

Are you pushing? No? Then you know better than the other person. Own that. It's more than just not caring; it's trusting yourself to be right, to know that you know your child better than some random acquaintance. Trust that.

Also remembering that what you're dealing with is probably someone threatened by your child's success can help. I find myself being a lot less threatened when I realize that I'm looking at someone who is practicing "competitive parenting." I detest that, and when faced with it, I have two options: play or don't play. If you get defensive, you're playing. You don't have to. You can opt out.

Sometimes a simple, "Huh. <pause> So how about the weather today?" is enough to derail the haters. If you're not threatened, how can they keep it up?

Remember, it takes two to dance that particular little tango! Refuse to dance!

All great advice but in the heat of the moment sometimes emotions just get in the way and sometimes people are not that fast on their feet with the response.

I think it just takes practice. There has been many a time when I have a great come back but this is of course 10 minutes after the conversation is done. And let's face it I am one of those emotional ones. One of my downfalls, so I really fear my future exchanges with school officials.