Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Introducing myself

Hello all,

I believe my DS7 (in 1st grade) is likely gifted, but we haven't done any testing yet. He attends parochial school, which currently has no GT program, although one is supposedly "in the works" with no ETA. Our county public school system has GT programs, but we're uncomfortable with the schools he would attend, so unless we moved, that's not much of an option for us.

DS has always been different from the other kids - began obsessively writing his letters just after his 2nd bday, and now reads well above grade level. For example, he recently read the 1st 3 Harry Potter books. He told me that there were a lot of things he didn't understand in them and now I'm reading them aloud to him and his younger brother so that we can discuss the things he doesn't understand -- he gets all the events, just not why someone is mean and things like that. His ability to comprehend most things has always seemed to vastly exceed his peers. In addition, he loves to play chess (plays fairly well, but not a genius at it or anything), has an amazing memory for things like spelling, and enjoys sports and outdoorsy things too.

I am quite concerned that his schooling is insufficiently challenging, and that he'll encounter problems in a few years, when things do become more difficult. When we met with his teacher, and I told her that I worry that if he's not challenged academically now, he will not learn how to master things that are difficult, and may lose his innate desire to learn. Her reply was that there are those people for whom everything in life comes easily, and perhaps he's one of them. My argument is that those people are likely the ones who learned HOW to overcome challenges. She also said that those who are bright like DS is will learn no matter what. I couldn't disagree more.

My husband believes that DS IS learning in school (to follow directions, get along well with others, simple facts), and while I agree he's learning those things, I also think that the other kids are learning HOW to LEARN and he's not, because none of it is challenging for him.

So, I have many questions for those of you who have been around the gifted block a few times. Did you have your child tested? If so, what help did it provide? Has anyone dealt with schools that have no GT program, and were you able to keep your child in that system? If so, how did you go about challenging him? (DS is away from home 8 hours between bus travel and school and then has homework....) Has anyone been successful in getting a school to implement a GT program? Have the CTY programs and others been helpful? My husband is VERY opposed to the idea of homeschooling, so that seems to cut off our only other alternative.

So, if you've made it this far, my greatest thanks to you. Any input would be appreciated. I'm just trying to keep my head from spinning into outer space trying to figure all this out.

Cheers to you all,
~S from MD

You are lucky to be in maryland but your children if they are gifted and perhaps 2E or highly gifted have needs beyond and more improtant than the academics. you mention the social and over excitabilities and sensitivities... these are the issues that effect self esteem and are potentially life changing and the ones why I fight for my kids to be able to sit next to someone that is more like them than not. You already know this it sounds so you do what is right for them. We moved to get into a better school system for the gifted 5 years ago. It is not perfect but it is better than where we were. It is what we do especially if you have more than one.

Hi S,
Welcome! Seems like you've hit the nail on the head right here. You aren't making this up. Our kids need to learn how to learn like everyone else.

Your DH is correct that your son is learning lots of stuff, and that stuff is important, BUT, all that important stuff isn't an excuse to be passive when your child is in a situation where they are not learning how to learn.

Testing might be helpful at this time to help you, your DH, and the school see that your son does have 'special educational needs' that should be accomidated. This can be done through subject accelerations, gradeskips, independent studies, online classes. Depending on your son's LOG (level of giftedness) saturday classes may be enough, but if he is 'more than the usual gifted' and isn't particularly good at adding challenge to his assignments on his own, then you are going to need something, IF you want to insisit that he 'learn how to learn' like everyone else.

I would try to take a few hours and spend a day in your local public school, and see what they offer. Nothing replaces seeing it for yourself. Also spend time in your current school's classroom, particularly the grades one and two years older than your child.

Question: is 7 old for 1st grade in your neighborhood? Perhaps instead of a gradeskip, you can frame it as 'making up for a late start?'

I think that looking at other private schools is a good option. His teacher has as good as told you that she doesn't see the need for him to learn how to learn at school. Is the current school large enough to have several teachers for each grade? Does it have several grades in the same class? If next year he will be in a room with a different teacher and 2nd and 3rd grade students, you might have something worth salvaging there.

If it really is your only alternative, then you had best start requiring that he does 'double homework' each day. If possible, add or substitute an assignement that is similar to the one he gets in school, but at his 'readiness level.'

Other things to think about: Does he have friends? Does he have to mask large parts of himself to have friends? How does he feel about the schoolwork?

So glad you are here!
Grinity

Welcome from across one of your other borders! I have heard good things about some public school districts in Md. - Montgomery county stands out in my recollection.

We did testing via our school district because ds was not not happy and I couldn't see the point of waiting until 3rd grade to find out if his possibly being gt was the reason for the bad fit...it has helped a lot, but we have more thorough testing in our/his future, too. Possibly with JHU-CTY, but more likely someone in Va.
Fortunately our school has a program and so far it's been very good, but that's only a few months of history. I like Dottie's suggestion of working with what you've got at least initially to see how far it can go. Good luck!

Masterofnone, I would be very curious to find out your impressions of the testing process via JHU; they are somewhat near us and I just found (via Hoagies) that they have a gt and ld assessment facility. I thought they just did the SCAT testing/talent search work.

Thanks for the replies, everybody!

I have a few responses/more questions....


DS is one of the older kids in his class, but I have been opposed to grade skipping because of his social/emotional readiness. We probably could have gotten him into K a year early, but he is a very anxious child --a psychologist diagnosed him as severely anxious (if x was normal anxiety and y was clinically anxious, he said DS is z). I had issue with the psychologist, though, because he did not think that DS's likely giftedness was at all a component of his anxiety (or vice versa). DS does have some trouble making "friends", although he gets along with everyone in his class. He is less at ease playing with them than the other children appear. IMHO, he knows he's different, but doesn't know why or how to "fix" it. Of course, it's not that there's something to fix, he is just not with true peers.


Any suggestions on resources for such afterschooling? And another question: if your child is gifted in math, and they're working on simple addition in school and your child is ready for advanced multiplication or division, do you teach it to him? Does that not increase the boredom issue he has in school?

I'm so very glad to be here. I am sick to death of feeling that if I want to discuss my concerns about DS with other Moms, they think I'm bragging and that I have nothing to be worried about since I'm lucky that DS is "so smart".


~S in MD

Welcome! It sounds as if you do indeed have a GT kid...

Re: afterschooling - DD11 has been doing EPGY for math for 2+ years. We started it because she was definitely under-challenged in math (among other subjects). We have found the program very thorough and challenging - but - it has backfired in one sense. She is now 2 yrs ahead of her already-accelerated math class, so she's bored there. We never anticipated that... But, I hope it will open doors for a possible subject-skip next year. Food for thought...

GT kids who seem anxious and ill-at-ease with agemates often do better emotionally with older kids. Have you seen him at play with kids older than he is? How does he fare? Does he seem more at home?

I'm not pushing a grade skip. We chose to homeschool instead of skipping, so I definitely don't think that every HG+ child needs a skip. There are other ways to deal. But it might well be that a skip would solve many of the problems you're seeing. You might also consider subject acceleration as another possibility.

In our case, after the school IDd DS7 as GT in K (with a great teacher!), he began to have anger and behavioral issues in a lousy 1st grade placement with no challenge. That's when we had him privately tested, found that he was HG+, and realized that we needed to radically rethink our approach to his education. Our "one size fits all" public school simply wasn't going to work. To answer your original question, yes, testing was a big help to us there, and homeschooling has really fixed DS7's problems with challenge and attitude. (Not that I think everyone should homeschool either! But it worked for us.) He is happy and excited about learning again. He has more friends. He is back to his pleasant self!

You know, I think that any psychologist who dismisses GTness as an issue so cavalierly as you describe is one I would be VERY skeptical of! I doubt he's got a very full understanding of your child. GT kids are often more anxious than ND kids. And an HG+ child who is ill-placed is very nearly guaranteed (though not quite!) to have some sort of emotional or adjustment issues to sort through, though some will be minor instead of major. If your DS is the anxious type anyway, the bad school placement is just going to make things worse.

Yes, teaching your child division at home will not do anything to help his boredom at school. That's true. But two things I think pretty much all of us here agree on are that *some* challenge is better than no challenge, and that trying to slow an HG+ child down to minimize boredom at school just flat does not work. Not at all! He WILL be bored if nothing is done at school to meet his special needs. He just will. Better to be challenged during some of his day than to be never challenged. These kids need to learn how to learn, just as anyone else must.

I feel for you, because I have been where you are! Our problem was anger instead of anxiety, but it amounts to the same thing: an unhappy child whose needs are not being met. It's a hard, painful place you're in.

On the bright side, it does get better if you make changes. Our family is living proof! Hang in there!