Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Has your child been this way?

My 2 and a half year old is very seld driven. He pays attention to a task only when it interests him. He can sit through many books at home but at the library he is constantly on the move looking and handling other things in the room.
Does this get any better with age? I am worried about preschool.

He's two! That's very normal 2yo behavior, GT or no. Honest! <reassuring pat on the back>

Don't worry. Most preschools expect little to no sitting quietly for a 3yo or even 4yo. And frankly, I wouldn't recommend that you even consider ones that expect more than a couple of minutes of sitting still and listening at a stretch. More than that's generally not a good idea for kids at that age. They should be up experiencing and doing for themselves. That's how kids under 5 (and often over 5!) learn best. A bit of circle/sharing time is the norm--and even that should be engaging and participatory!--and that's plenty.

When we were pre-K shopping, we visited just one school that was a sit-still-and-be-quiet kind of place, and I called it the "Stepford pre-K" since it looked like a school perfect for the movie! Scary creepy. After 15+ minutes of utter silence while the teacher read an entire LONG Dr. Suess book, my 3yo son read a word on the page aloud, and all the kids turned and stared at him. One little girl hushed him sternly. <shudder> CLEARLY not right for my kid...or anyone else's child that I know! My son said, "I didn't like that place, Mommy" when we visited. My reply: "Yeah, me neither!"

I'm always in favor of more choices rather than fewer, so I don't mean to bash options. But I think school programs are useless if they don't respect the way kids learn. Just look for pre-K programs that encourage your child to be himself and will ease him into a more formal structure, as most do, and you'll be fine.

LOL!!!!! Beware of Kool-Aid at snack time!!!!!!!

I agree Kriston, not to worry until six/seven at the earliest. That doens't mean the child can't gently be "helped" to learn when it's okay to use the outside voice, etc...

GT kids are often very, very driven. They can really suck the energy out of you!

Well, that explains a lot!! I was wondering what happened to me!

No kidding, especially snacks served in the jungle!

Mogwai sez:

"kids should be taught not to drink the Kool-Aid!!!"

and

"Don't feed the Gremlin after Midnight!!"

It's just so frustrating when most of the kids sit down to hear the story and mine is running around the room opening cabinets and interupting the story reader to show her his train. Most people are undersatnding but there are two mothers that get on my nerves.....looking at my kid as if he's weird. It doesn't help that he is the size of a 4 year old either.

Yes my kids have been and one is still this way. They are very dynamic.

And yes, people have been like this:


It's pretty annoying to get the annoyed looks, but as long as your child isn't disrupting the reading I wouldn't take him out of the room. I have definitely pulled my kids out of things like this when I think they are going too far for regular folks.

We do a lot of hanging out a the play places at malls and things like that during the winter months. I have been there early in the morning and found myself there with parents of 10 other little boys and zero girls, so that might be a factor too!

How does the story compare to a story that you (or he) might choose for himself?

Don't rush into preschool, unless you or your family needs it. The whole concept is suspect in my book.

Is he driving you crazy around the house? If so, we have stratagies!

Lots of people just don't get that a 2 year old can have a mind of their own.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

I think a good preschool can be a great experience for GT kids.

No offense, Grin, but my mom--the one who started a GT support group for families way back in the mid-70s, complete with enrichment classes for GT kids--ran a preschool until her retirement that was a GT kid's dream school! There was a treehouse on stilts in the playroom, complete with pulleys and science-y gear, including a microscope. They could build things using real saws and hammers. (They had to put on safety gloves and goggles first.) They talked about why you can't make a square bubble and how circuits worked. They painted their answers to questions in pictures on the windows and made their own books and newspapers. My dad, the woodworker, made them puzzles and wooden toys and things to ride on in the gym. I'm telling you, it was the greatest place for kids I've ever seen!

Obviously not all preschools are like that. But I've seen others that fared darn well, even in comparison to my mom's school. The one DS4 is in is quite good. The teacher came in the first day and saw how bright all the kids in the class are, said to herself, "Oh, I'm not going to be able to start from the beginning this year! They're already way ahead of that!" And she shifted gears. None of the parents had to argue for acceleration; she just saw what was up and moved ahead.

My point is that there are pre-K programs out there that are really, really good for GT kids! And a good preschool is a fabulous experience for child and parent. No, certainly not every child needs to go to preschool. All kids are different. But I think there's a lot that most children can gain from a good program. And without the shackles of required testing and national standards and whatever that come with elementary school, kids are much more free in preschool to explore and to learn what they're ready for. It's one of the last times they get to go at their own timetable. Plus, preschool can offer a lot more new things to try than home can. By age 3, a GT kid is often ready for more than Mom is giving, and preschool can fill that need for the new. Short days, lots of stimulation, and time away from mom: what's not to like?

Just pick a good program and a good teacher. That's the key.

Just my totally biased opinion!

I should have been more clear. Although individual preschools and daycare situations can be wonderful, there is an underlying 'belief' floating around that 3 and 4 year olds will never be able to succed in kindy if they aren't exposed to the classroom environment early. That the children who do preschool will learn to behave in ways that will help them in the future. This may be totally true for ND kids - I don't have much experience in that area. I do know that if the teachers expect a PG kid to act like an ND kid, and are dissapointed when they don't then it's hard on the kid. I also know that if the child is placed by age will all ND kids that the 'social lessons' can be more negative than positive. (N of 1!) If the child faces both overwhelming ND peers and ND teacher-expectations then the pattern of underachievement and Outer-directed Perfectionism can start at age 3.

Somehow, at the time, it never entered my mind that preschools could have a negative affect on kids (except for those rare news-worthy situations.) What could be bad about more people to love?

The part that I hate the worst is that when kids 'flunk' preschool, or even don't thrive there, it is looks like 'all the more reason that they need preschool.' What kind of institution is able to create unhappy kids and then use the child's unhappiness or acting out behavior to prove that the kid 'needed' that institution in the first place?

That's what I mean when I say that I question the concept. I have no qulams with the individual examples, and am glad that Kriston can share 2 counter examples. In fact, I'm DOK for Kriston's Mom's Preschool, or even Kriston's DS's preschool with the advanced peers and the flexible teacher.

I hope that says it better....
Grinity