Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Identification, Testing & Assessment to accelerate a smart child afraid of change?

Dear everybody,

I am a new mom to this forum, who has run out of ideas on where to go. I have a 6yo kid, who was in a Montessori kindergarden, and already knows how to read anything, add, subtract, multiply, and started division. We did not do a whole lot extra for her to get here, and I give credit to her teacher and the Montessori education for getting her here. The public school that she has started 3 months ago (a very well rated school district, mind you) gives her drawing and pattern coloring assignments. She used to strongly resent them at first, but now she easily goes through with them in 3 minutes. After 4 meetings with the teacher, principal and psychologist, nothing has happened, she was given 6 more complicated math assignments and has done nothing extra in class. No formal testing. I went and observed her in class, and she lives in lala land (basically absent). She complains about making no friends, as the kids around her don't want to play the games she proposes- usually involved games, and she refuses to play tag or star wars, which is all the other kids play). She likes her teacher on a personal level, but she never says that she ever enjoyed her teaching (while she tells me quite often the she enjoys what she has done in the art or PE class). The teacher is a strong proponent of "She is a 6 year old and needs to be a 6 year old", which translates to "bugg off and leave her alone". The kid is afraid of any kind of change in life (to the point she sticks to my leg wherever we go), and does not want to be moved to a different school/class/grade. She occasionally revolts against us when we give her extra stuff to do, but also has us peel her off stuff that she likes to do at the moment (geography, eg). I don't know what to do any more. I feel like I am letting her waste herself. She makes do without enrichment in school, but she is clearly not happy. She does not want to be different than the other kids, and feels like the extra stuff we give her sets her apart. I feel like the school encourages underperforming and mediocrity, and I do not know how to move from here. Ah, I forgot to mention, in 3 months of school, she was only once asked how much is 5+3 (for the PTA meeting). No other addition or subtraction. When she mentioend that she can do 5 times 3 or 15 divided by 3, the teacher informed her that this is done in third grade. The teacher also occasionally sends home notes with handouts with weird language (eg "tell about a way that you can do your best today"-- is this proper English??). Just yesterday she came with a handwritten note from the teacher spelling caterpillar as caterpiller. I had to pull the MW to convince the kid that she's wrong... Is this normal???

Please help......

Can you request formal testing by the school, especially achievement testing, since that will probably do the best job of showing the school what your child can really do and where she really is operating?

If the school will not test her, would they accept private testing?

What do you want to have happen? Just in-class differentiation? Do you think that will be enough for your daughter? Or if she's operating at or above the 3rd grade level, should you be pushing for more: grade-skipping, subject acceleration, etc.?

Given that your DD's teacher is clearly not on board for differentiation, I'd be pushing for something else. I can't imagine that she's going to get what she needs from a teacher who doesn't get your DD's 6yo-ness is very, VERY different from most other 6yo's! (Been there, done that, hated it when we went through it, too!)

What to push for, though, depends upon your child and where she'd fit best. If she's not fitting in socially because she's "older" than the kids in her grade, then she might do a whole lot better with a grade skip. If she's not fitting in with agemates because she's unhappy and surly as a result, but she's not significantly more socially advanced, then subject acceleration might be better for her. It's also possible that some combination of these (and maybe other solutions?) would work best.

I'll add that you might also consider other educational options. Private schools and homeschooling can provide alternatives that might work better for your child. No pushing there--I'm a big believer in using the public schools as long as they can be made to work for you! But knowing that you have alternatives can help to keep you from feeling like you're in an impossible situation. And those alternatives means that you're not at the mercy of anyone else, which can really affect your feelings about the situation. Coming from a position of strength and confidence is much better!

HTH! Best wishes to you!

Thank you!

The fact is that I do not know what is best for her. Both myself and my husband have been through 22 years of school, but either of us had less than 10 hours of psychology (and none of child psychology) in all these years. And the darn thing is that things just don't fall into place, as I follishly expected them to. I can put her in private school, but unfortunately we live in an area where choices are very limited. Besides parochial schools (useless for gifted education), there is very little else. We planned to "home school" her informally, after school, but she already balks at it, and we are promptly informed that we are not her teachers, but her parents . She'll work hard, but she'll do exactly whatever she pleases at the moment. The fact is that we cannot compete with a teacher telling her that is OK to lay back, do nothing and draw pictures. What are supposed to do, put her in the middle, tell her that the teacher (one of the authority figures in her life) is plain wrong alltogether and that she should not listen to her teacher-- what confidence will that give her in people? How would she trust that we're right?

The school is a pain in the rear end, and they barely grant us a half an hour meeting every month. It does not help that NY state does no mandate and does not fund gifted education. After 3 months of bickering they finally gave her a one hour test (I have a feeling it was TOMAGS-- although she barely turned 6 a few weeks ago, and that test is identical for 6-9 year olds). She had some divisions, but the division sign was given as a sign similar to a square root. She knows divisions, but she only knows the regular division sign. When she asked the teacher what that sign was, she was told that she can't be told, so she missed a number of questions because of that. What confidence should I then have in those results??

I don't know... We are at the mercy of that stupid teacher-- thank God she's only with her for the next 6 months, and then she'll get a different one (maybe as bad . The teacher has been in school for 7-8 years, and had no idea what the process for having a child tested for giftedness was in the school district. Therefore she never recommended anybody for it, and her point might be that my kid is not better than the 150 kids she has taught in her carreer. Which is probably accurate. And the principal (who is about 55) has told us that she has never grade skipped anybody in her carrer sooner than the middle of the second grade.

As of right now we're stuck with letting her waste her time in school, offering plenty of choices at home, and hoping that somehow, through a miracle, some system will kick in and give her more to do before it gets ingrained in her that it is perfectly OK to be mediocre.

Sad....

Parochial schools are often worse or the same as public schools as far as the academic content, as you noted above. We homeschooled for a year, and it was wonderful. Although my ds didn't like me as a teacher, so I let him know that *he* was his teacher, I was merely a facilitator-- and asked him what he wanted to learn. It worked well to heal some of the wounds from him previous (horrible) school experience. I would advocate for considering short term homeschooling. I know most homeschoolers say that the biggest benefits come from the long term, which is true, but we take it one year at a time. Sure school is going well this year, but we reserve the right to reevaluate next year and make changes if need be.

This year he wanted to go back to school (yea healing home school)... but often misses aspects of hs. But he loves his peers, and is doing alright in school now.

He could easily he at least a grade ahead, but like your child, he doesn't want to skip. And I don't know if it would be the best for him. That is why homeschooling can be such a wonderful thing, even if it is for the next few months, or until second grade when she can then be skipped. hth.

She is already zoning out because the the things around her do not interest her. If this continues, until she gets to high school or college, she will ingrain this lazy non-focused behavior.

She seems to have already concluded that complaining or advocating for herself will not work. And given a girl's tendencies to want to fit in, she will just want to keep it that way. Its not cool at her school to be smart. Because she is quiet, she will be ignored.

Its not that she will waste her time, but that her mind will waste away.

You can find a new school, a new place to live, or just wait and hope, but hope is not a method.

Does she like to read? Will the teacher let her read in class while the others do the assignment?

If I were in your shoes, given the apparent lack of other school options, I'd be researching homeschooling. Even if you decide not to go that route, knowing that it is a valid possibility for you will make a huge difference in this:


If you have other options, then you are at no one's mercy. Nor should you be. This is *your* child!

As for the "You're not my teacher" nonsense, I'd reply "I taught you to walk, to sit up, to read, to eat (or whatever you taught). I AM your teacher! What's more, I am your PARENT! I have complete responsibility for you." No reason to put up with that!

And such an attitude would not exist if you chose to homeschool anyway. After all, then you WOULD be her teacher!

Thanks, guys!! Or girls. It is indeed, helpful to see other people's perspectives.

It turns out that I was just called by the school . My kid went through some tests (don't know what, but some psychological stuff, too) on Tu, and she scored 95% in math, and 80% overall. For third grade. Not first grade, where she happens to be right now. Her teacher was quite dazzled ("but.. I have 2 more kids that are maybe as bright") and defensive ("she still has things to learn in first grade"). Not exactly clear what, since she scores better than 80% of third graders..

The conclusion: we'll enrich her in class for the time being. Like I have not heard that before. The advantage is that the principal has some black and white documents, and hinted that she would be more supportive (now that she knows that we are not complete nutcases). I think she'll be willing to skip my kid at the beginning of the school year next year. Which might be an OK solution (for lack of a better one).

And.. there is another reason I will probably not consider home schooling. My kid is very recluse and chooses to read whenever she has time off (instead of being with friends). She basically has no good friend. She needs to learn to function in the society, compromise, and make at least a few friends. She can't read her way out of everything . Given the fact that she is not miserable most of the time coming home from school, I am assuming that she is learning some of that...

PS: I really liked the few lines on justifying being a teacher for your child. I should have thought of them!! Thank you

To follow up on Kriston's (and others') suggestion... Google "homeschool" and "montessori" and then join a few montessori homeschool yahoo groups. seeing what other parents are doing may boost your confidence.

As you may suspect, your daughter might be resisting change right now because she just went through a huge transition leaving her Montessori environment.

What kinds of afterschooling activities are you offering? Maybe if they look like what she is used to from Mont. she would be more interested...

Good luck!

EW

Hooray for progress!

Another suggestion: When you get a chance read through some of the archives on this forum.

You will see that the perceived isolation aspect of homeschooling can be dealt with in many ways.

brownies and other clubs
classes
church/religious groups
homescholing groups etc.

for your daughter's well being - true peers as friends will be the most valuable.. in other words friends that share interests and developmental levels over just agemates. (or in addition to if you feel she might be bonding with some of the other first graders)

Homeschooling is definitely not something I think everyone needs to do. But I feel strongly that for your specific situation, you should look into it just so you know what's available to you if you get really desperate. There's no reason to feel that you are at the mercy of a teacher who is not getting your child. No reason! You have other options! If you check it out and choose to stay with the school, then great. At least then it is a choice. Big difference than feeling at the mercy of a rotten teacher! You simply can't make good decisions if you feel trapped and without other options.

BTW, my biggest problem as a homeschooler is that we get *too much* social time and not enough alone time! There's something social happening in our area practically every day of the week. Choosing what to leave off the schedule so we can have some down time to just read is the hard part! (And DS7 and I are both introverts who'd rather stay home.) Granted, we have a BUNCH of VERY active homeschool groups in our town, and not everyone has this. But you won't know what's open to you unless you check it out.

I'm not a homeschool pusher. We're "emergency homeschooling" DS7 because of just the situation you're describing, and we are not currently planning to HS DS4--he's a very different sort of kid. <shrug> We're just responding to what each kid needs.

But honestly, I strongly recommend that you read up on HSing before you reject it. It would be a shame to dismiss a potentially useful solution because you believe myths about homeschooling that simply are not accurate. Like the kids are poorly socialized or never learn to work in groups. That's just plain wrong!