Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Weighing social vs. academic needs

I'm a first-time poster, so thank you in advance for sharing your thoughts with me.

I have twin boys in 1st grade. One tested into our district's HG program with 99s on the tests. The other twin is gifted, but didn't get into the program. It's a magnet program that's been placed in our neighborhood school, which is great because both my boys go to the same school.

My question is what to do with my HG boy. I think the program he's in is excellent academically. I like his teacher. It's highly differentiated and he loves how rigorous it is. He reads at about 6-7th grade and does math at about 3rd-4th grade. He has a driven personality and loves learning.

What he doesn't love is the social aspect of this class. He hasn't clicked with any of the boys in the program and I can see why. From what I've seen of these kids, they're pretty quirky and socially immature. They bicker, tattle, fight and have other behaviors that are not typical of other kids their age, IMO. I know HG kids come in all shapes and sizes, but this particular class seems to have gotten all the quirky boys. My son acts like a regular sporty kid, probably because of his twin brother, and he really can't understand or relate to the other boys. We've tried playdates with some of them, but even I don't like the other boys' behaviors.

He'd really like to be in the regular classroom with his twin brother and their friends. I was volunteering in both boys' classrooms today and I feel really sorry for my HG son-- there's just no joy with that group of HG kids. But in my other twin's class... the kids laugh and have fun.

So just how important is an advanced/enriched curriculum at this age? What would happen if he coasted at school and we augmented with a tutor or workshops?

I think strong social skills are at least as important to adult success as academia and I don't think he'll see/learn typical social behavior if he continues through school with this group of kids. But again, we're only talking about 1st graders, and it will probably change. He'll have his twin and the social functions with his buddies; is that enough?

Is the class just a bad fit? The teacher (the head of the state's G & T organization) a bad fit? Should I find another program? Another school? Am I overreacting? How do I weigh social vs. academics? I just want my son to be happy and find a class that works for his brain and his soul. (And finally, I want to emphasize that I'm not criticizing or judging HG kids, I'm just saying that this particular class is a tough group.)

Thanks again. Vitzy

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Wow, that's a tough one. Could you do a "trial" with the regular classroom so that your DS could get back in the HG classroom if it doesn't challenge him enough? Would after-school/weekend social activities satisfy your DS? My DS's 2nd grade class is so structured, they barely have any time for free socialization except for the 30 minute (rushed) recess. I feel he gets most of his socialization through playdates and other activities.

Thank you for weighing in! I'm brooding over this today after visiting the classrooms and it helps to chat with someone about it.

To answer some questions, yes we can move back and forth between the regular and HG programs on a yearly basis. I like the idea of a trial, but I don't think it would go over because I'm sure my HG son wouldn't agree to go back. In fact, there was a field trip once where both classes were combined and apparently my HG boy got teary when he had to leave the other class and go back to his.

Lots to think about. Thanks again for letting me know how you would handle it.