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Here's our dilemma and I'm hoping you all can give me good advice as you have in the past!

DS is 5 1/2 and in a private school that is supposed to be for gifted children. However, it's become very apparent that they are only used to mildly gifted kids. DS is capable of so much more than they are asking or willing to ask of him. We have been told to "stop pushing" and "let him blossom".

DS LOVES school. He says it's "soooo easy mom! I just tell my teacher it's too hard and she lets me go play legos!" He's learning a lot in PE (his teacher is into anatomy) and also has Spanish and Music which are new for him. He brags that the first two hours are so easy, that the other kids have to think so much and try so hard but it's easy-peasy for him.

We've met with the teacher, told her she's getting played but she doesn't believe us. She's seen his test results but thinks he's just a product of aggressive parents who have too high expectations. So while he does math for fun at home around 2nd grade and reads at a 2nd grade level, he's learning his letters and numbers 1-20 at school.

I feel like I'm doing him a long-term disservice by not either pushing the school harder or finding a better educational option. But he is happy... and it is kindergarten.

If he's happy but learning bad habits and not having to work, do I let it go for now? Like most of us, I'm petrified of screwing this up but having a hard time finding a comfortable balance.

Well, I know I've scewed it up many a time so far LOL.

A piece of advice that sticks in my mind was a comment by DS's first Psychiatrist. He said to change our viewpoint of what we expected from school. First, no school situation is a long term solution. If it works for 6 months great. Longer is even better, but be prepared to review and change things on a frequesnt basis. Second, was that the criteria for choosing a school option was not what is the best place for DS, but rather what is the least neagtive placement. That made me feel really sad for along time, but it did help DH and I to stop second guessing ourselves so much.

Form the sounds of your post your son is happy there even if not challenged. Do you have other options that would provide more challenge at his age? If he is content to do the afterschooling with you, he is still advancing and not forgeting how to learn. He is getting the social aspect of kindergarten as well as some academic stuff at least in the specials.

My 2 cents is to let it ride for now unless things change to the downside. However, it may make sense to look into all your options for 1st grade and see if there are better options either at that school or elsewhere for next school term. I think there was another recent post with a similar question that may have some better suggestions.

Good luck

I posted a similar question here http://giftedissues.davidsongifted....6/What_to_do_if_child_is_happy#Post30466

Dazed- We are very much in the same place, thanks for posting your link, I missed it somehow. I can't tell you how many times I've asked "When is happy just not enough anymore?" I have a full-day K kid and an 11 hour a night sleeper too, plus a 30 min drive to and from school. Our time is limited!

elh- Our public district said they'd put him in 2nd grade tomorrow if I'd let them. They want him to take the standardized tests that begin in 2nd grade because our local school is such a disaster that his one score could literally save them from being taken over by the state. No thanks! We do have other private school options available and I'm making my way around looking for 1st grade. I'm currently afterschooling every day by his choice.

MasterofNone- We could see about getting him switched to the other K class, but I think that would make DS unhappy. His good friends for two years are in his class. As for being honest, I don't think it's a matter of that. His teacher honestly doesn't care what he can do. She has told me repeatedly that he has to back up in math and learn the fundamentals and no child has ever come to her understanding them. She also said she has never had a child enter K truly reading. I asked her what her definition of "reading" was (as we've discussed here!). She said "I can hand them a variety of materials and they can fully read and comprehend them. Like a newspaper for example." WOW. Evidently DS won't be actually "reading" for a while since I wouldn't even think about letting him read a newspaper right now! I would like him to not quit on assignments but I can also see that if there is no point because you'll have to count to 10 again tomorrow, why not go play legos?

MoN- Hence, where I'm stuck deciding whether to drop it or not. His teacher has been doing this close to 30 years and is completely stuck in the mud. She hasn't changed a thing or read new research in 30 years either. I will not make any progress with her. But I could probably force the school to do something more- move him to 1st for the morning or something. But if Ds is happy, is it worth throwing down the gauntlet and making a huge scene? I waver on an hourly basis at this point!

Hi CA mom,

In your OP you said


This seems like actually a lot for a young kid to have that is new. If there was absolutely nothing new for him or if he were not happy, I guess I would do more. But since he is happy and he has some areas he likes, I think you're likely to be fine. I also think that even when he isn't being taught anything new, he may still be learning a lot. DS learns a lot about how kids get along and group dynamics and how things are explained. These are intangibles, but I think are helpful things to know. If he weren't happy, he probably wouldn't notice these things, but since he is, he may be getting a lot out of school that you may never know about.