Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Looking for some guidance

Hi, I am looking for some guidance before the parent/teacher conference comes up next week.
I have 3 children - dd9, ds8 and ds5. They all go to a small Catholic school.

My ds5, is in 4k because his bday is 9/21. I spoke to the teacher last year and told her that my ds was advanced and I would like to keep letting him work at his level since he enjoys it. I did have him tested, but the tester had never tested a young child and her results were inconclusive.

My boy can read at a 2nd grade level. I am sure of this because he does the Accelerated Readers tests at school to keep himself busy while I work in the computer lab. He is also able to do math at least at a 1st grade level. I know this because last year when my other son didn't want to do his homework because it was too boring, I would have my younger son do it and then have his brother check it before handing it in.

Well, at the the beginning of the school year, the teacher said that she needed some time to get the kids settled and find out what abilities everyone had. The 4k kids (11 of them) attend class in the morning and then she is a TA for the 5k (13 of them) in the afternoon. She also has a TA with her in the morning so there are only 11 students with these 2 teachers. The 5k students go all day. Since my boy stays with me at school all day while I work on various projects, we thought he could just join the 5k in the afternoon when they work on their reading. Then she though she would just work with him in the morning. She mentioned that she had some books from the 5k and would start with him soon. It is now the end of the 1st quarter and nothing has happened. I didn't push the 5k books since they are too simple for him.

Am I expecting too much? I think he is gifted....or at least really interested. We want to keep him excited and not get bored. We are not trying to push him, but letting him show us what he wants to do. He enjoys his friends but comments that he would like to do some "real learning". Should I be more aggressive on pushing the teacher/school to address his needs or should we just keep working on things at home with him?

Thank you,
Lynn

Hi Lynn,

Welcome to the board. Getting appropriate challenges for gifted kids can be a challenge, as you're learning.

My suggestion is to try to work with the school to find more challenging work for your kids. Afterschooling works to a point, but it can be draining when it starts to become formalized. I went through this with my older kids (8 and 6) for a while. It's hard for them to go to school all day and then work more at home, even if it's only a couple days per week. I found that 2 hrs/week/kid was our limit, and that I couldn't manage meaningful instruction in more than one subject in that time.

And then there's the fact that even if a child can work at his own pace at home, he'll still be underchallenged in school. Kids spend a lot of time in school, and they need appropriate work there.

So (and without good knowledge of your situation), here are a few suggestions.

1. Could your son do 4K in the morning and 5K (or grade 1) in the afternoon? He may be a little tired at first, but will probably get used to it quickly. Use the phrase "trial basis" if the school gets worried.

2. You could ask them to test your child(ren). Teachers are most likely to believe the results of their own tests --- they provide empirical evidence of skills.

3. Put everything in writing. Spoken words are subject to misinterpretation.

4. Give that nothing has happened yet, it's possible that nothing will change if you don't bring up the subject.

One thing I've noticed is that teachers can be very concerned about "gaps in learning," and they want to ensure that all gaps are filled before moving forward. I think this is a factor making them hesitant to accelerate kids (others: please comment!).

My belief is that gifted kids don't necessarily suffer from the gaps in the same way that other kids would. For these kids, filling some gaps is less important than filling others (sometimes the existence of a gap can actually provide a good challenge).

Simply stated, some kids can just skip stuff because they pick up the knowledge by osmosis. Ex. my eldest skipped 3rd grade spelling because he can remember how to spell most words by virtue of having read them. I know he can do this, because I'm the same way and I see the quality in him. At the same time, he had to go through 3rd grade math --- he just did it faster and earlier than most others.

Having said all this, I'd still be afterschooling if my kids hadn't changed schools this year (I still do a little, but it's not formalized). It's better than letting them coast along!

Have you looked at the Hoagies' web site yet? It has a good essay on least-worst options in education.

Okay, this reply is really long. Hope it helps a bit.

Val

I'm finding academically focused preschools can be very difficult for kids that are early readers. My dd3 is in a 3's class where each week the kids learn a new "letter of the week" - which I think would be great except that my daughter started reading just after her second birthday. I tried to kindly mention this fact, and they started pulling her aside and giving her easy readers to do with the teacher. At first I was very happy with the 1 on 1 attention... finally, something academically appropriate - feew. But then I saw what they were giving her to read... ugh. I thought to myself, OK they will give her these ridiculous Mat Sat books, realize that they are way too easy and get her something more appropriate to read. Hasn't happened yet. This has gone on for more than a month. Not only this, but they read 6 pages (one sentence each) per day - so making any progress forward is not at all possible. I hate to be a big bitch (OK, part of me wants to be a big bitch) but come on people! So I try to settle myself by reminding myself that, still, even in an academically focused preschool, most of what she does during the day is play - but it is still unfortunate. It seems that pushing for more academically appropriate work is only going to mean that they are going to pull her aside during playtime - and then she won't get to play. I'm not sure there is an easy answer here other than to keep reading and learning at home (hard to do for a full time working mother of 3).... although I am thinking that I am going to have to push for a bit more advanced reading at school.