Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Questions about DS6

Hello,
I have two children who are extremely bright and energetic and keep mommy on her toes. My DS7 is identified gifted, but might have other issues we are working on. My DS6, however, is the child that I am confused about. I can't find the things that baffle me about him in the description of any LD or disability that I know of. I was wondering if anyone can point me in the right direction. Here are his symptoms:

1 When he reads, he skips down lines, misses words, etc, even though he has an extremely high vocabulary. Glasses from a developmental optometrist do produce some good results, so I'm not sure if this is something separate from other symptoms.

2. He forgets things. If something happened at the beginning of the day, he might not remember it well. Even if he gets sent to the Principal's office, he will remember he went there, but not necessarily why.

3. He tends to "daydream". He gets lost in his own thoughts, and misses what's going on around him. He sometimes gets lost going from one class to another.

4. He has a poor sense of time in general. I talk to him on Saturday about something happening on Wednesday, and I'll get a "tomorrow?" unless I ask him to name the days until then...then he understands. He has gotten better, but only mildly.

Does anyone have any idea?

I've been looking at lots of this kind of information for my dd(7). Right now, her issues seem well matched with a visual issue. (See the thread regarding Behavioral Optometry.)

I found lots of information on www.thelearningcenter.net regarding various LD symptoms and what might be the cause. Perhgaps that website would be helpful to you as well.

Good Luck!

OOOhhh I do have to comment here. The first one you mentioned definitely sounds like my DS10 with the visual issues. Did you take him to a behavioral optometrist who tested him for perception and tracking type issues? Look at www.covd.org to find a qualified optometrist if you haven't already. Not all doctors know how to deal with these kinds of things. Vision therapy has really helped my DS.

I'm not sure about the other things you mentioned. Try the website listed by mamabear and see if that helps any. Good luck!

http://www.thelearningcenter.net/learning_disabilites_and_your_child

this will save you from having to find the link from the home page.

Thank you for the feedback. I was looking through the learning disabilities link and it does sound like my child might have an LD. I had already decided to try to pursue this further with the school.

I am in the midst of the process with my dd(7). Be sure to do your homework!! Research, Research, Research!! Remember that you know your child best and that the school is not the final authority on your child. Be sure to question what you don't understand or anything that they observe that seems strange.

I have a huge binder full of dd's school performance, testing, history (birth, medical, etc, etc.) and all of the research I have done. It is a huge help in meetings when they are asking you dates, places, outcomes. I don't know about you, but I get so nervous that I can't remember birth dates!!

We have been round and round with variious diagnoses over the last 3 years. Finally, I think we are on track with Behavioral Optometry.

This Forum is also a treasure trove of great information!!!

Good Luck!!!

I will begin putting the binder together. My DS6 is going to have new behavior sheets as of this week and I asked the teacher to document when he "forgets" things like getting to class. I want to see if there are any food correlations or anything like that.

We also did food correlations with dd. All we found was that peppermint sent her into orbit. So, this time of year we send BIG reminder notes!! Candy Canes are a no-no! Good luck with that!

A Binder is a great way to document. That is why I like to e-mail teachers. That way I can print a hard copy to put in the binder. It saves a lot of miscommunication!

I hope that you find your solution quickly!!!

I seem to have a daydreamer. ds5 seems to get stuck in the bathroom. If I let him be and don't make a game out of getting him out of there, he will be in there for AN HOUR! He doesn't take an hour actually using the toilet - it's more that he then daydreams instead of washing his hands or flushing the toilet. I made a numbered list of the steps he needs to complete so that is our newest attempt - he does look at the list when I ask him what he needs to do next. My dh isn't sympathetic to the situation at all. He sets the timer and if ds doesn't finish in time, he has a time-out or at bedtime, he reduces the number of books that are read to him. This seemed to work in the beginning but because ds hates to lose books but now he still loses the books because he can't/won't "snap out of it." I can't stand to see him not be read to at night. It seems that whatever we try works in the beginning because of the novelty but then that wears off. I also use a trigger word "volkswagon" as a little game - he knows it means "snap out of it" but it's a nice way of saying it. I keep thinking that he is so smart so he should be able to focus on this long enough to complete it but we can't seem to get past it. He is such a slowpoke that we rarely attempt to go anywhere before preschool which starts at 12:30. Any suggestions? I keep telling my dh that there is some reason he is doing this beyond just bad behavior but I have no idea what to do about it.

Oh! This is DS7 to a TEE!

This is one of the reasons that I say he's deep but not fast.

If you find a good way to solve the problem, let me know. I'm mostly just working on planning ahead/starting him early and being more patient. Nothing else seems to help.

Yes, this is Harpo, too--he drifts off to some other galaxy and floats around there for a while quite often, and doesn't seem to hear things like, "please put on your socks and shoes, because we're leaving in a few minutes." (One of the many reasons we thought homeschooling might work the best for our particular situation when we first started is that neither Frenchy nor I could envision getting us to five different places every morning by 8:30, especially with Harpo's elastic sense of time--Frenchy's work, my work, Harpo's school, Groucho's preschool, and Chico's daycare--brrr! Too stressful even to contemplate!)

But this is OK. I decided years ago that Harpo's occasional "absences" were as much a part of him as his going-madly-off-in-all-directions hair. I just leave more time to get ready to go somewhere, and try to be as patient as possible. If I have to help him put on his socks and shoes myself in order to get us somewhere in time, then I do that, as cheerfully as I can manage. The patience has helped a lot, as has making sure he has a couple of periods a day to himself--he needs some alone time just to think every day, and when he gets that, he's more "present" to us (and cooperative) the rest of the time. The other thing that helps for us is for me to touch him gently on the shoulder or the cheek when I want his attention and kneel down so that we're eye to eye before I ask him to do something. Also, it has gotten a bit better as he has gotten older.

I really think that some people just need these stretches of creative lassitude; I think it's how they're wired, not that they're behaving badly or inconsiderately. Of course Harpo will have to learn to adapt to the way most of the world works at some point, but I'm not sure that me making a huge deal of it right now will get us there any sooner (and it would certainly be a lot less pleasant). Besides, he often has some pretty interesting ideas to report after he's had his daydream time!

Anyway, just a couple of fairly random thoughts, in hopes it might help a bit.......

minnie

I keep telling myself that DS7's deep thoughts and intense interest in whatever he's doing to the point that he can't tear himself away are a) just like me (sad, but true!), and b) good traits for an adult to possess.

I think it will get better as he gets older. I hope so anyway!

It makes me feel better that I'm not the only one dealing with this. In trying to get him ready for preschool today, I asked DS5 what volkswagon was a euphemism for and he answered "it's a euphemism for snap out of it" and gave me a big grin.

*sigh* I was asked to pick up DS6 from school. He supposedly kicked three other children, but he claims he was trying to kick some cones they were standing on. Either way, that was bad but not that bad. But, when the lady from the office called me, he threw something in the office.

I have to figure out what this is.:/

Some of the posts about "dreamer" children reminded me of this book:

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Dreamers-Discoverers-and-Dynamos/Lucy-Jo-Palladino/e/9780345405739

I found it to be tremendously insightful and thought-provoking. A real "aha!" book.

The author, a child psychologist, discusses the concept of divergent thinking which some 20% of humans have, and compares that to convergent thinking, which is the framework most schools are organized around.

My child is more of the "discoverer" type, and her descriptions of divergent thinkers in a convergent world described DS9 quite accurately. (I think our entire family is "divergent"!)

DS7 neurologist suggested I look at this site for my son.....

http://www.nldontheweb.org/

I looked over the assessment and unfortunately and I guess fortunately too, my son doesn't fit the profile. He does for some parts, but anyway..... see what you think.

What I'm trying to say.... it's sometimes nice to have an answer. (And we don't)

Oh, Artana, I'm sorry--what a hard day for both of you. Here's hoping for a happy weekend!

I wonder, did something happen at school? It seems possible to me that a child might act out like that when something had either really frightened or frustrated him, and he didn't know how to ask for the help he needed. Of course you know him and I don't, but it just might be worth a gentle exploration with him of what happened earlier that day.

Hope today is a good one--
minnie

I don't know if this will help or not, but some of your original post rings a bell, Artana. I have been reading about Visual-Spatial learners (as opposed to audio-sequential learners) and there are some interesting bits in there. One point is that the flow of time is a very sequential event. If you have a V-S kid, then they may struggle to grasp the flow of time. You might want to look into the book Raising Topsy-Turvy Kids: Successfully Parenting Your Visual-Spatial Child by Alexandra Shires Golon. It is a wonderful book for explaining the idiosyncrasies of Visual-Spatial kids. I'm a big fan of my local library, and rarely buy books. But I think that I will buy this book and give it to my DS8's teacher each year. I think they will understand him better afterwards.

Here is a quick link to some of the classic behaviors of a V-S kid. (or if you have WISC-IV data with a high Block Design score!!)

http://www.gifteddevelopment.com/Visual_Spatial_Learner/vsl.htm

Hope this helps. And about the behavior issues. That seems very familiar too. For us it was a food reaction, but that is pretty rare. DS improved dramatically when we took certain foods out of his diet. But I also tend to think of these kids as accumulating a lot of "internal friction" during the day due to the fact that they are slightly out of step with the world. Sometime the friction just builds up to a point that it comes spilling out. I don't have a good suggestion for this one. At eight, DS is better at controlling his emotions and finding acceptable ways to release that internal friction to keep it from spilling out inappropriately. But it was a long, hard lesson to learn. Hang in there. It does get better as they get older.

Thanks, Soup, but this doesn't fit my DS7 at all. He's doesn't normally have trouble getting along with others. He likes people, and people usually like him quite well--even ND kids his own age. He is a visual-spatial learner, I think, not an auditory learner, and he generalizes well. He has good fine motor skills and is a good (though not exceptional) athlete. He's not anxious, he has a strong sense of self and a healthy self-esteem, and he adapts well to new situations. So, that's a no for us.

Honestly, I think he's just hyperfocused on things that interest him. I have this tendency, too. My mom used to call me for dinner, and if I were reading a book, I wouldn't even hear her call me! She'd come into my room, furious with me, and I'd have absolutely no idea why she was mad. Visual kids who are highly focused don't do very well when mom calls!

I am better than I used to be, so I suspect DS7 will get better about connecting with the world even though he's doing something that engrosses him. And being capable of focusing fully on what matters to you isn't really a bad trait to have...though it can be annoying to moms who want the kids to put on shoes or put toys away!

DS6 got suspended for a day. *sigh* I will get the topsy-turvy book. I have previously suspected that he is, but I was unsure. I have to look at the book, maybe see if they have it for my Kindle!:)

Thank you for all the comments and links. I will look through everything.