Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Questions about DS6

Yes, this is Harpo, too--he drifts off to some other galaxy and floats around there for a while quite often, and doesn't seem to hear things like, "please put on your socks and shoes, because we're leaving in a few minutes." (One of the many reasons we thought homeschooling might work the best for our particular situation when we first started is that neither Frenchy nor I could envision getting us to five different places every morning by 8:30, especially with Harpo's elastic sense of time--Frenchy's work, my work, Harpo's school, Groucho's preschool, and Chico's daycare--brrr! Too stressful even to contemplate!)

But this is OK. I decided years ago that Harpo's occasional "absences" were as much a part of him as his going-madly-off-in-all-directions hair. I just leave more time to get ready to go somewhere, and try to be as patient as possible. If I have to help him put on his socks and shoes myself in order to get us somewhere in time, then I do that, as cheerfully as I can manage. The patience has helped a lot, as has making sure he has a couple of periods a day to himself--he needs some alone time just to think every day, and when he gets that, he's more "present" to us (and cooperative) the rest of the time. The other thing that helps for us is for me to touch him gently on the shoulder or the cheek when I want his attention and kneel down so that we're eye to eye before I ask him to do something. Also, it has gotten a bit better as he has gotten older.

I really think that some people just need these stretches of creative lassitude; I think it's how they're wired, not that they're behaving badly or inconsiderately. Of course Harpo will have to learn to adapt to the way most of the world works at some point, but I'm not sure that me making a huge deal of it right now will get us there any sooner (and it would certainly be a lot less pleasant). Besides, he often has some pretty interesting ideas to report after he's had his daydream time!

Anyway, just a couple of fairly random thoughts, in hopes it might help a bit.......

minnie

I keep telling myself that DS7's deep thoughts and intense interest in whatever he's doing to the point that he can't tear himself away are a) just like me (sad, but true!), and b) good traits for an adult to possess.

I think it will get better as he gets older. I hope so anyway!

It makes me feel better that I'm not the only one dealing with this. In trying to get him ready for preschool today, I asked DS5 what volkswagon was a euphemism for and he answered "it's a euphemism for snap out of it" and gave me a big grin.

*sigh* I was asked to pick up DS6 from school. He supposedly kicked three other children, but he claims he was trying to kick some cones they were standing on. Either way, that was bad but not that bad. But, when the lady from the office called me, he threw something in the office.

I have to figure out what this is.:/

Some of the posts about "dreamer" children reminded me of this book:

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Dreamers-Discoverers-and-Dynamos/Lucy-Jo-Palladino/e/9780345405739

I found it to be tremendously insightful and thought-provoking. A real "aha!" book.

The author, a child psychologist, discusses the concept of divergent thinking which some 20% of humans have, and compares that to convergent thinking, which is the framework most schools are organized around.

My child is more of the "discoverer" type, and her descriptions of divergent thinkers in a convergent world described DS9 quite accurately. (I think our entire family is "divergent"!)

DS7 neurologist suggested I look at this site for my son.....

http://www.nldontheweb.org/

I looked over the assessment and unfortunately and I guess fortunately too, my son doesn't fit the profile. He does for some parts, but anyway..... see what you think.

What I'm trying to say.... it's sometimes nice to have an answer. (And we don't)

Oh, Artana, I'm sorry--what a hard day for both of you. Here's hoping for a happy weekend!

I wonder, did something happen at school? It seems possible to me that a child might act out like that when something had either really frightened or frustrated him, and he didn't know how to ask for the help he needed. Of course you know him and I don't, but it just might be worth a gentle exploration with him of what happened earlier that day.

Hope today is a good one--
minnie

I don't know if this will help or not, but some of your original post rings a bell, Artana. I have been reading about Visual-Spatial learners (as opposed to audio-sequential learners) and there are some interesting bits in there. One point is that the flow of time is a very sequential event. If you have a V-S kid, then they may struggle to grasp the flow of time. You might want to look into the book Raising Topsy-Turvy Kids: Successfully Parenting Your Visual-Spatial Child by Alexandra Shires Golon. It is a wonderful book for explaining the idiosyncrasies of Visual-Spatial kids. I'm a big fan of my local library, and rarely buy books. But I think that I will buy this book and give it to my DS8's teacher each year. I think they will understand him better afterwards.

Here is a quick link to some of the classic behaviors of a V-S kid. (or if you have WISC-IV data with a high Block Design score!!)

http://www.gifteddevelopment.com/Visual_Spatial_Learner/vsl.htm

Hope this helps. And about the behavior issues. That seems very familiar too. For us it was a food reaction, but that is pretty rare. DS improved dramatically when we took certain foods out of his diet. But I also tend to think of these kids as accumulating a lot of "internal friction" during the day due to the fact that they are slightly out of step with the world. Sometime the friction just builds up to a point that it comes spilling out. I don't have a good suggestion for this one. At eight, DS is better at controlling his emotions and finding acceptable ways to release that internal friction to keep it from spilling out inappropriately. But it was a long, hard lesson to learn. Hang in there. It does get better as they get older.

Thanks, Soup, but this doesn't fit my DS7 at all. He's doesn't normally have trouble getting along with others. He likes people, and people usually like him quite well--even ND kids his own age. He is a visual-spatial learner, I think, not an auditory learner, and he generalizes well. He has good fine motor skills and is a good (though not exceptional) athlete. He's not anxious, he has a strong sense of self and a healthy self-esteem, and he adapts well to new situations. So, that's a no for us.

Honestly, I think he's just hyperfocused on things that interest him. I have this tendency, too. My mom used to call me for dinner, and if I were reading a book, I wouldn't even hear her call me! She'd come into my room, furious with me, and I'd have absolutely no idea why she was mad. Visual kids who are highly focused don't do very well when mom calls!

I am better than I used to be, so I suspect DS7 will get better about connecting with the world even though he's doing something that engrosses him. And being capable of focusing fully on what matters to you isn't really a bad trait to have...though it can be annoying to moms who want the kids to put on shoes or put toys away!