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    #29639 11/05/08 12:40 AM
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    Wondering if anyone can help on this topic. I have a friend with a gifted child who chooses a friend and is very affectionate to them to the point of distraction for the chosen friend. Any reasons why the gifted child does this? Any suggestions on how to curtail this? Anyone else out there who has had a similar situation? Looking forward to any imput.

    pinklady #29641 11/05/08 03:45 AM
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    I would not presume to say that all or even most gifted kids do this, but I think my ds8 falls into this category.
    I am assuming you mean physical affection - hugging, wrestling, arms around shoulders, etc.

    From what I have read and can tell from experience, there are touchy-feely people and those who are not. Gifted kids do tend to take things to extremes. So, if you have a gifted child who happens to be touchy-feely, and that child is learning for the first time (or second or third) how to conduct and express themselves in a friendship, things can seem a little lopsided. The kid on the receiving end can start to draw away making the whole thing seem even more lopsided.
    I do believe this sort of affection between friends who are boys is even less welcome, even at the tender age of 5 and 6.

    How to curtail it? I am not really sure on that one, I think it is a pretty delicate situation.
    I never felt right teaching my ds that hugging other kids, boys or girls, was not a good thing.
    DS has grown out of/learned to understand where and with whom he can get most physical. He is still pretty physical with DH, me and his sis. I would hate to make him feel like this is bad - it does seem to be part of his nature, not something he's going to completely stop all around.
    I imagine this trait will go a long way towards having a happy wife and kids, at least smile

    chris1234 #29647 11/05/08 07:20 AM
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    I think Chris is right: GT kids tend to be more extreme.

    We have always gone with the notion that "hugs don't hurt" and that if a friend doesn't want to be hugged/touched, then ignoring that and pressing on is as bad as hitting. Being a friend means respecting the friend's right to personal limits, personal space.



    Kriston
    Kriston #29655 11/05/08 09:20 AM
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    Sounds like a typical OE to me... DS is always very touching of the things he loves, to the point that I often feel like he's a bowling ball bouncing off of me and DH. He is the same with his friends, he has to touch them. But if he doesn't like something or someone? He will not touch them no matter what you offer up. He will not hug his grandma or go anywhere near her. It's kind of sad and funny to see him create a little imaginary bubble around her and move around the bubble.

    CAMom #29668 11/05/08 10:33 AM
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    This makes me wonder if there is an opposite non-touchy OE. My DS4 has skin sensitivies related to what he'll wear, and he's not too affectionate except with me. (I was at a preschool in-class party, where the kids all sing happy birthday, and then the teacher said "ok, everyone may give the birthday girl one, gentle hug" and DS opted out of this.)

    st pauli girl #29775 11/06/08 05:19 PM
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    My son was in daycare from 7 weeks of age, and by age 2 always had a 'best' friend. One per year. He didn't hug or kiss them, but he always wanted to play with that one friend. Looking back I think it was because it was hard for him to find anyone that he could talk to, so if he found one kid, that was a victory, and we wasn't giving up, even for a day.

    He also 'monopolized' the teacher's attention. Looking back I think that if he had been in a room with older children, he might have been able to have more play that was developmentally appropriate to where his oddball developmental path was.

    So maybe this will help your friend see if that is what is going on for her child. More academic challenge at a higher level usually helps these kids be 'calmer to live with' anyway.

    Best Wishes,
    Grinity


    Coaching available, at SchoolSuccessSolutions.com

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