Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Do you ever question your parenting abilities?

Now, that I'm being thrust into unknown territory, I'm a very concerned on my parenting abilities. I'm so afraid that I wont be the parent my kids need to grow into happy, mentally healthy, mature, adults.

As horrible as this might sound, but 1 month ago I thought DS6 was just a nonconformist, argumentative, strong willed kid. Now I'm terrified of him being labeled gifted. I always knew he was smart, but I just looked at it as, it's normal for him.

How did all of you adjust to the knowledge, that your kids were special???

Well, I'd stick with what worked before: he's smart, and that's normal for him. Why does a word--the word gifted--change everything for you? He's the same kid he was before, isn't he?

What scares you so about the GT label? I mean, are you scared about your parenting skills, or are you scared of the label and all that signifies in the world-at-large? Those are two very different issues...

You hit the nail on the head. I wondered what we were doing wrong that our son was so difficult. And both sets of grandparents didn't understand giftedness and thought he was just a brat. And there were times I was very embarrassed out in public. Well, he is 27 and soon to be a professor. He's a kind young man. He was also strong-willed, argumentative, and a noncomformist. He wore us out from the time he was 2. His mouth chattered incessantly, demanding interaction from rising to sleeping, demanding stimulation, being mentally hyperactive, being oversensitive, acting phobic at times, worrying, all the traits we read about. Oh, did I forget temper tantrums?

Heck, ya! I question my parenting abilities. But then I think that anyone who is questioning their parenting abilities and trying to do the best they can is probably doing ok.

oh, yes. When we had ds6 tested last year and I had to accept that he's HG+ -- I knew a lot of panic! I took 2 months off of board posting and researched *everything* I could about HG+ kids.

It *did* wear off. The best piece of advice I got was that my ds is the same child he was before testing. No more, no less. That reminder kept me sane--it helped remind me that I'd parented him so far, and I had the ability to parent him in the future.

I also think it helps to think of him as "different.". Not "special," just "different.". Being HG+ doesn't make him "special"; it just means he has special educational needs--and it will take effort to meet those needs.

Keep reading here and anywhere else that you see your ds; it will help you adjust. Good luck!

We knew our kid would be different going in.... of course we didn't think gifted. That was one of the outside possiblities, we were thinking the other end of special ed. dylexicia, dysgraphia... something like that.

So when he came out HG, I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, "yes he's gifted but, he has......" That was actually hard to accept, he didn't have some learning disablity, he's just smart. (He is hyperactive, but, so am I, and so is DH.) We knew very early on he was gifted, I think that makes it easier. It's wasn't a sudden revelation.

But still I sometimes worry about him growing up happy and well adjusted. But we can only do what we can do.

Do you have other family members that are like him? Is there someone you are always saying he is like? Think about that person as an adult......

Sometimes I wonder if it is even possible for my 10 yr old twice exceptional child grow into a happy, mentally healthy adult when my own anxiety level and sadness is so high that I sometimes snap at him over trivial things. He even told me that my anxiety causes him to have anxiety, just as my own mother's anxiety and illness have an effect on my anxiety. I guess we just pass this down through the generations and I feel powerless at the moment to do anything about it.

It is a daily struggle to stay positive and I am still trying to develop that sense of humor that my son and husband are able to use as a defense.

I thought my son's early years were really fun with the reading at 2 and all the funny things he said. I thought parenting a gifted child would be a piece of cake. What I had a hard time adjusting to was the fact that being very smart was somehow a problem in our public school, but as the superintendent of our public school told me "it is a good problem to have."

I love the fact that my son, as a homeschooler, has been able to keep his love of learning alive and that he is able to learn what he is interested in without worrying about what other people think. He feels good about what he knows. He feels good about his ability to discuss lots of subjects that his age mates have not yet learned, but he feels even better about his ability to see humor in things that most people, especially me, are too busy to see. When something unexpected happens, instead of getting annoyed or upset, he usually sees it as an opportunity to make a joke. His Dad is the same way. If I could learn to do what what my son does without even trying, I think I would be a better parent.

Often.

I have no idea how i'm meant to work out what i should be doing with him or if i should be doing anything at all. People said 'school will know what he needs' but i now realise they don't. They make me question myself even more... they make me question if he is gifted, maybe i made him advanced, maybe i've pushed him? i know i haven't but...

*sigh*

Get over it :-) Wish it were so easy. but I look at all the time I wasted for awhile thinking I had to do so much different be this enrichment queen, build out every thought they had into a discussion... Clearly he's doing well, you done something right... if you found out he had asthma you would do somethings differently trade some activities around on cold days, pack appropriately, see the right people to get the info you need.. but you wouldn't obsess about it.

There are many times I wish I never knew. then I think about the current state of they not grade advanced, not pushing for more gt services, not making opportunties for challenge. The balance I guess is to own the information - not the labble - and not let 'it' own you. If you figure out exactly how to do that - let me know!

Thank you for all the input and sharing your thoughts. I'm very thankful I found this board. If I ever have problematic situation arise, I will definitely post for opinions. I think after reading the posts here on this thread, I don't feel so alone. I think we can all learn from each other and that's a great source of combined knowledge

After reading and reading and more reading, one thing I will never do again, is tell my kids a act their age, no matter how mad I am at them. I am so guilty of that.

Kriston, to answer your question, it's a little bit of both.
I really dislike the thought of my children being labeled. The reason for that is, once you label someone then it becomes a stereotype. I don't like anyone to stereotyping my kids. Maybe I need to readjust my way of thinking.