Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Were you a "smart kid?"

Someone on another topic referred to herself as a "smart kid." She knew her kids would be smart because she and her husband were smart kids...

So, were you a "smart kid?"

What was that like?

How has your experience influenced your parenting style and practices?

i was an art prodigy............... copied a michaelanglio drawing when i was 2 that totally freaked my parents out. to the point that they hid it and told everyone in my family not to talk about it...... like i was a leaper...lol

my husband was hyperactive.... the frogs in his neighborhood feared him

I graduated with a 1.8 adverage from high school, he had a 1.78

YEAH!
we were both listed as, "not living up to our potiential"

this is the part i added, cause I didn't read carefully, guess i wasn't living up again

our son is told he is special and bright and we work to make the situation he is in fit him instead of the other way round.

Oh boy, how long have you got? Here's the brief version.

Yes, I was a smart kid. It was - complicated. I was a school success, but (by inclination perhaps, and by school forcing certainly) in the perfectionist mode. I remember literally being told that since I was bored in the maths lesson I should occupy myself learning to write neater integral signs. That kind of thing. And these were good schools - but I was on track to get top marks and into a top university, and apparently nobody thought that that might not be enough. At home I was miserable, mostly. My father, typically for the time, was hardly involved, and my mother - well, she loved me, I expect, and is fundamentally a good person, but she had no empathy with me. I came out successful, but emotionally damaged. A key observation is that my intellect has never been what's limited my achievement - when I fail to achieve what I want to, it's anxiety or fear that stops me (even now, after lots of work). Similar remarks apply to my DH.

The effect on our parenting: we aspire to be attachment parents (Sears) and unconditional parents (Kohn). Those buzzwords are compatible, and share a core of respect for the child's feelings, whatever they may be, and trusting that everyone has aligned interests in the long run so that there isn't any need to coerce, either by praise or blame.

I could go on, but that's long enough :-)

I didn't fit in. And it seemed to me that my mom was always trying to "fix" me because she saw that I was unhappy. Instead of trying to make my kids fit into some mold, I am trying to find a place that fits them. I am striving to see them for who they are not who I or anyone else wants them to be.

My husband was tested and is MG as far as his mom remembers. He moved constantly from one school to another due to a bad family situation so he is still the class clown. He tends to down play his intelligence, especially anything mechanical, because he reads slower and his biological father always called him stupid. He, to this day underestimates his ability to learn and retain and doesn't consider himself smart. I could easily do great bodily harm to his biological father if I ever met him.

I have no idea if I was tested. I went to a private accelerated school that tried to meet my needs. Things went down hill when I was transfered to a public school for jr high and high school. I know I was bored to death and had many run ins with teachers trying to get me to pay attention to them, all until I pointed out to the science teacher in an ever so innocent way that I couldn't answer his problem because it was formulated wrong. Sadly the chemistry teacher confirmed this when the science teacher tried to put me in my place in front of the entire class. They left me alone after that to argue Hawkings with a few other students who understood, but I only had a few friends. I worked full time and went to nursing school full time and graduated magnum cume laude, and first in my class, without having to study. (I'm sure everyone hated that.)

I've always just figured I can read fast, learn easily, and retain well. My parents were disappointed that I decided not to pursue a higher degree and instead put my husband through college and after working for seven years in a field I love, now raise our five children. Your classic underachiever. LOL

My biggest memory is always hating school, and being bored out of my mind, with very few friends who understood me. Maybe I was Aspergers like my oldest daugher? Who knows? My focus now is allowing my children to follow their own paths. After four years of trying to work with the school system we pulled them this year at their request. Yes, each was given the choice, even at five. We are trying to allow them to pursue their interests and nurture their needs rather than make them conform. I am working very hard to try to understand my oldest daughter, who still baffles me. Beyond that I am trying to let them have fun with learning and hopefully pick up some of their fathers fun loving personality. I'm to serious. Truth.

I'm sure we could all go on, but I definately didn't assume my children would be smart. They amaze me every day.

Yes, smart, annoying, misfit, whatever non-pc term you can think of, that was me. I dont recall feeling annoying, but I do recall friends in school calling me a walking encyclopedia, and upon reflection I imagine it was not entirely complimentary...
I remember in elementary getting out a huge book on Marie Curie and the teacher grilling me on whether I really really thought I could finish it and write a report on it..might have been 4th grade.
School was seldom hard - Maybe french, but just a bit.
Math mainly because I was told I didnt know numbers, but turns out I actually kill at logic and pattern recognition, etc.

I certainly hoped and imagined my children would be smart, but I barely know how to handle them despite feeling sure they would be clever - maybe I thought it would make things easier LOL! I at least want to help them feel that all doors are open to them *with hard work*. Trying to avoid the pigeon-holing and lack of growth which can come with labels. DS is steadfastly defying all labeling, so that helps

I didn't have friends until I was in 8th grade. I truly felt like an alien, especially in grade school. Some teachers seemed to like me, but others didn't want anything to do with me. I was very quiet and sensitive. I spent most recesses in the library or hiding behind the school. I was tested in grade school--I don't know what test it was, but according to my mom, my IQ was over 150. The school called her into the office and told her how unusual that was and that I was extremely bright. They offered nothing though, in terms of accelerating me, because of my social difficulties. My parents wanted to do the right thing for me, so they took the advice of the school experts. Maybe it was the best option they had. I have wondered if I had(have?) AS, or if I simply couldn't relate to other kids.

My early years in school were very painful for me, and I would like to spare my kids from that. Fortunately, they seem far more adept at navigating social situations than I was at that age. I was literally afraid of other kids because they seemed completely unpredictable to me. I remember dreading my birthday because my mom would always ask me which "friends" I would invite to my party. The last thing I wanted was a party

I was "smart" but also blissfully ignorant of a lot of things!! LOL And either I was really really lucky or my parents did a lot more manipulating behind the scenes than they've ever owned up to... but basically I didn't suffer. I know my sister got beat up once (whether that was for being smart or something else I have no idea... blissful ignorance strikes again -- I don't even remember the incident!) but mostly kids were nice, I always had friends.

I do have some strong opinions about how "smart kids" should be treated, but not because I was a victim of anything -- more because there were situations that were kind of set up to be uncomfortable... like tutoring other kids in my class. I really didn't get why they didn't understand things as easily as I did, and while I don't remember doing anything particularly obnoxious, I'm sure I really wasn't a sympathetic or helpful teacher for them. And I know that while my parents and most of my teachers were very supportive and enthusiastic about taking risks and letting me fall on my face without criticism, other kids weren't. So I think some of my perfectionism (the little tiny bit that isn't just native "me" LOL) could be credited to still remembering the classmates who thought I wasn't "all that".

And I do think I coasted too much (although at the time it didn't strike me as a negative... LOL) -- I don't remember ever actually finishing an assigned book between about 4th grade and sometime in college, although I always did fine on the reports and papers (having figured out how to write what they wanted with partial information...), and by the end of high school I was willing to put forth only just enough effort to squeak by. Which is part of why I ended up getting my college degree in an area that isn't really my strong suit. I was fine at it, but if I had been willing to work I could have done so much more in another field!

So... pros and cons, but nothing tragic. I don't know if I was ever tested... sometimes I'm curious, but I think if I knew the number I'd doubt it, no matter what it was!

LOL! are we like twins or somethin'?

except for the 150 iq part.....................depending on the school year, and the brand of iq test they gave me.

they would tell my parents one year that i was a genus, the next the SAME administator would tell them that they were very sorry but................ "she's mentally retarded." {instert dramatic pause and hand touch}
At one point they said I had autism and should be instatutionilized, for my own good (With a side order of sterization! yeh!) This is why I have little faith in the educational system and in iq tests in general.

In my way of thinking, (I had to invent my own because I just didn't seem to understand anyone elses) There are those who are conformers by nature, those who conform because they can, and then the rest who are out in left field picking dandelions and noticing the beautiful strangeness of the universe.

School was always easy for me, especially tests. I was pretty much bored in the grade school years, but I was a teacher pleaser so i did well. I never studied. I remember reading ahead and finishing my homework assignments in class when the teacher was explaining them. I was the youngest in my class, and proud to be still smarter than everyone, but I kept that to myself. I didn't always feel smart. Sometimes, I didn't raise my hand because I saw that no one was raising his hand, so I figured my answer must be wrong if no one knows the answer. Other times, when kids were confused about something that I thought was really easy, I would think I must be missing something (this happened all the way through law school). My mom recently told me that the 1-8 school I attended told her they had only one other student who scored similar to me on the standardized tests (mostly 99%), and there were only a few in the state. I never remember discussing that I was smart; I just figured I was a good test taker.

I got along with everyone, but only had a couple good friends in 1-8, and no good friends in high school. I met a soulmate friend through work when i was a junior in high school. I hated high school. I participated in the state's first post-secondary enrollment option by going to all my senior year classes at the local university instead of high school. My classic underachiever lazy self appeared and I didn't take the SAT when I found I was already enrolled at the local university and they didn't need an SAT score. So I didn't apply to any colleges (I was already in!). I did ok in college - always great grades in the higher level classes and decent but not great grades in the intro classes.

My boredom led me to want DS to go to school early. DH however, who was also youngest in his class but did not like it because of sports, wanted DS to stay with age-mates. We agreed to get DS tested to see of he qualified for early entrance, and go with the tester's suggestion on if he should. (She said let him play.) We will probably have some clashes because our school experiences were different, but I will definitely try to make it so DS isn't bored into becoming an underachiever like me.

I posted a summary here. It just scratches the surface.

http://giftedissues.davidsongifted.org/BB/ubbthreads.php/topics/18674/My_Recollections#Post18674

Since posting the above, I found out that my DW skipped first grade and that she won a lot of awards in middle school. She and her dad are have total recall of what they hear and read respectively.

How will it affect our parenting?

I think a lot of parents want to not repeat the "mistakes" their parents made. Both DW and I have discussed what we liked and did not like about our parents and we have decided to do what is best for our son rather than react to our childhood hangups.

While the GT side of things adds an extra dimension, but beyond putting our son in the right environment for him to be intellectually and spiritually challenged, GT does not change the need for a moral education and the need to hold him to high standards in his conduct.

As far as the impact of being GT upon raising a GT kid, the biggest impact is knowing enough to be able to learn with him and to know what he does not know, but would enjoy learning - assuming his interests turn out to be the same, and not having to default to the school system or others in selecting his curriculum and educational trajectory.

Yes that was me, out in left field... I was very much in my own world. I don't remember much about the school curriculum. It was so easy it didn't really register with me. I remember some flashes of insight. Those were always internal experiences no one knew I was having. I also remember playing with the focus of my eyes as I stared at the blackboard. It didn't occur to me that I was smart because I was never able to figure out what to say to kids who talked to me. They thought I was some kind of freak and told me I was stupid. I believed them because it didn't occur to me that they would have any reason to lie. I pretty much lived in my imaginary world of books, even when I was just walking around. Sometimes, I wouldn't be seeing reality and I would walk into a pole or something. Other times, I would come to and realize that I had walked a long way on autopilot.

Occasionally, something I was obsessed with would catch the interest of kids around me. I remember collecting the little cone shaped caps from the buds of eucalyptus trees. I was fascinated by the perfect cone shape and how they could nest inside each other. Other kids started collecting them, too, and it became some kind of weird fad.

At home, I spent a lot of time up in trees or on top of the swing set where I was out of reach and could watch the other kids from above. I often pretended I was a castaway on an island.

Yup, I was a smart kid. I read early and thanks to my mom, I was IDd using the old Stanford-Binet at age 4. I was skipped 2 grades in reading starting in K.

I was the classic teacher's pet perfectionist. I was bossy and uptight. A real goodie two-shoes. Control was very important to me, I suspect because I was not being sufficiently challenged in school. That perfectionism and lack of challenge bit me in the rear in high school when I got a B+ in Advanced Math and was ready to slit my wrists over it. *sigh* I'm glad to have all that behind me. Life is a lot more fun as an adult.

I did always have friends, but that's probably because I was pretty lucky in a couple of ways:

1) I was in a grade that just happened to have quite a lot of GT kids. I was definitely one of the smartest kids in my class--for better or worse--but being smart wasn't a bad thing because there were enough of us that it was seen as pretty normal.

2) In addition to my friends in my grade, I also had friends who were 1 and 2 grades ahead of me because of the subject skip and my involvement in lots of extracurriculars. (That was how my parents kept my sister and me challenged: sports, GT enrichment classes, Girl Scouts, art classes, French classes, church youth group, church volleyball, library classes, etc.) That broad friendship pool was pretty great for me. I never felt "stuck" with kids my own age if they didn't suit me. My whole school career, I always had lots of older friends who accepted me without issue.

I was never "popular," just reasonably well-liked and hard to pigeonhole because of all the stuff I was in. I laugh at how long my list of activities was in my senior yearbook--I had the longest list in the class! Everything from sports to drama club to academic competitions to student government. Just ridiculous! And since I was a bit of a chameleon, I fit in okay everywhere. I just never really felt like myself in high school. I only have one truly lifelong friend with whom I stay in touch regularly. I enjoy Facebook and my reunions more than I thought I would, and I talk to everyone (unlike a lot of people there), but I only invited a handful of school friends to my wedding. I always did my best to fit in, but I never felt like I FIT, if you know what I mean.

And for the record, DH was a GT kid, too. He went down the rebel track in high school, though. We laugh because we both wound up at the same basic place through VERY different paths! I wouldn't have even considered dating him in high school, as tightly wound as I was! And he was a burnout, so even if he would have made a play for me, he would have held out no hope of success with me.

Funny how life works out.

These are great stories! I didn't have friends in grade school either, the encyclopedia comments were in high school.
I figure I didn't feel too bad in elementary because I thought the pariah status was due to having less money than most other kids/families - probably not really the case but I guess I was lucky I could blame it on that. I do remember asking mom a few times about some of the snubbing, and sometimes she would say that the kids were probably just jealous. Probably not jealous of us being poor, right? hmm.

Maybe this should be a diff. thread, but what about your parents? Were they gt in your opinion? Did this seem to affect how you were raised/schooled?
I clearly remember mom stating she was in private school for a while as a kid, got switched to public and hated it. She was delighted to go back to private school and she never, despite plenty of reasons, never sent any of us to public - all 7 kids, all 12 years, plus most of us ended up in private college! Whew.
Dear dad was clearly an egghead; id'd early on as retarded by some great teacher. he was bilingual, ukrainian and english and apparently his english writing wasn't up to snuff in 2nd grade. Later went on to a masters in electrical engineering, although chemistry was his first love. he had asthma and couldn't take the fumes.
Not a lot of (verbal) input from him on the education front except to go along with moms recommendations for private school come hell or high water.
The one major thing I remember from him is he actually cried when he found out that one of my sisters didnt get accepted to the college most of us had gone to or were planning on attending. Mom of course just calmly picked up the phone and spoke with the head of the school and explained how sis would do just fine since everyone else in my fam. had - my sis is one of those people who see numbers with color and gender, etc. Does fantastic outside the box & with numbers. The head of the college gave her a shot and she did just fine in college - weird college, of course!
Mom really had the gift of blarney and the balls to use it. Probably where all that tuition money came from! She was also always talking about problem solving - giving us strategies for solving math probs in our heads or relating stories of figuring a way out of a seemingly no-win situation. She just thought that was fun stuff to talk about.

SO...parents were different too...

I think I was lucky in some respects--I went to gifted magnet middle and high schools (amazing for now, much less way-back-when!). My high school friends (who all ranked single digits in class of >400 at the gifted magnet HS) and I had lively discussions about life, philosophy, books...though we grew apart a few yrs after we went away for college.

My mom & dad were only children, intellectuals, & loners who had trouble forming relationships. My sisters were/are HG as well.

I don't know if I've thought out a strategy for my kids to avoid pitfalls I experienced other than encouraging them. Actually, the older I get, the more I seem to channel my mom. At least I don't have the stuff-hoarding traits dad has...it's on the level of mental illness.

I was a "smart kid" as well. Never knew my exact IQ score since most of the scores I still have came from the standardized testings and those don't give IQ scores.

I always found school easy--and confusing in the early grades. I couldn't understand why the other kids didn't know the answers. It was very hard for me to be the only one raising my hand all the time. I was one of the youngest due to moving across states where the cut-off was Dec 1st to September 30th.

I read at the age of 4, was great at math and memorizing numbers. My childhood parlor trick was to memorize family, friends and relatives social security numbers and then recite it back to then the next time I saw them. Luckily I grew out of that one early--I think people would be afraid to give me that information now.

As far as friendships go, I had some but usually it was a two close friends. I think most people found me to be an acquaintance. Most days after school I would read, play on my computer, or as I got older work a part time job. I still have some mild social anxiety in large groups that I know was affecting me back in the school days as well. I was happy for the most part though. I loved my books and fantasy world. It kept me out of trouble.

DH, on the other hand, struggled in school. He is bilingual and reading and writing are really not his strong points. I would say he falls into the average student range.

Does this affect our parenting--absolutely. I don't want my children to go through school thinking everything is too easy--I want them to have some challenge. When I got to college--it was a wake up call for me in some aspects. Finally teachers expected more of me. It was wonderful.

Now with all that being said, I am debating taking the Mensa adult qualifying test. I am curious if I would get in. Has anybody done it?

My dad was definitely GT. No question. He was a math whiz from a very young age, and he wound up an engineer. I am definitely his kid. Even though I went the English path instead of the math one, I am all about logic. Dad and I disagree on politics, but we have wonderful, interesting discussions about WHY we disagree, and often we find that we have similar views at the heart, but he values one aspect of the issue slightly more, while I value another aspect, and that puts us on just opposite sides of the political divide. But we never have heated debates. Just interesting conversations. When does anyone ever have that with a parent about politics when they disagree?

It's pretty cool.

My mom...I really can't say for sure if she's GT or not. She is all emotion, so if she's GT, it's a very different sort of GTness. She is really creative, a doer, so my gut instinct is to say that she is GT. But she thinks about things SO VERY DIFFERENTLY (!!!) than I do that I'm not sure. We have a very hard time communicating. She doesn't understand logic, which makes her seem to me to be not GT. How can anyone not understand logic? So things that seem simple to me are absolutely incomprehensible to her. But then again, she has these great, creative approaches to the projects she takes on that seems to say that she is GT. Is that because she's not GT or because she has a different personality type and a different, more creative, less analytical sort of GTness? I really don't know.

Now that I'm writing about it, I wonder if the problem I have with IDing her as GT isn't the same problem I have with IDing my DS4 as GT or no. Both look very different from the rest of us in the family, both are highly emotional and tend to be artistic rather than logical. Hmmm...


Did my parents' GTness (or not) affect my educational experience?

Yes. My mom thought I was God's gift to intelligence. Not that smarts were all that mattered: it's her mantra (which I've adopted with my kids) that "It's nice to be smart but it's smart to be nice." I believe that, and we lived it. But I always felt pressure to be smart; accomplished; a star, not just a "regular" person.

That led to perfectionism. I felt the pressure to succeed--and I had a very strict idea of what would constitute success; it had to be an intellectual endeavor. I had to use what I had been given. I was always driven to succeed, without much thought about if/how I *wanted* to succeed. As I got older, I felt a real sense of confusion about my goals. It wasn't until I neared 30 that I made any serious moves to get over that and to be what *I* wanted to be in life.

Was that coming from them? Probably subconsciously. But I was also a people-pleaser, so I'm sure I took the ball and ran with it! They would be horrified to think that they pressured me. They were the king and queen of "You can be anything you want to be," so it certainly wasn't their intention to pressure me, and I don't blame them for any of it. But I am trying to avoid putting that sort of subtle pressure on my own children. I encourage mistakes and exploration. I never felt like mistakes were okay for me.

BTW, my mom worried a lot about my choice to homeschool DS7. She seems to be over it now, but she felt like I was rejecting her choices because they were wrong for me. I told her quite honestly that I think those choices are wrong for *him*, but I don't think they were wrong for me.

Sure, there are some things that could have been better for me. I wish I had been challenged more when I was young and I wish I had felt more okay about just being who I am without the (subtle and unintended) pressure to succeed in a specific way. But I KNOW that my parents did the very best they could do for me. I am grateful to them for that. And the best I can do is all I'm doing with my kids. I think that's all any of us can do.

Yes, I was a "smart kid" -- both me and my big sister were. We both were very early readers, both skipped second grade, both went to big name schools. Our IQs are within 2 points of each other (upper MG range). So not crazy smart, but smart.

The big difference between us was that she cared about school. Not that I didn't care, but I wasn't at all motivated to get that A - I was perfectly happy with a slackily earned B, so I didn't do homework, didn't study, got my B and was happy with it.

She was a "high achiever" who really did want to do well in school, studied, etc. She graduated valedictorian at our private high school, went to an Ivy league school, and just graduated with her Ph.D after doing her grad school work in Germany.

I graduated high school with a respectable 3.4, went to a pretty big-name state school, and am now an RN. Not as glamorous, just a different road. But I lament that I could have done better had I applied myself.

My father is definitely GT. I don't think my mom is.

My 72-year-old mother was the "smart one" in our family and self taught. Because of her vocabulary and her love of learning, she seemed smarter than her artist brother and her other brother that was our town's mayor for a while. She couldn't afford college, but became a legal secretary and later worked her way up in civil service jobs. She always knew all the answers, loved to watch Jeopardy, always read a lot, and loved crossword puzzles and was thrilled when she discovered that my then 4 year old son loved trivia games and was a word nerd just like her. She was not surprised that he could read at 2 1/2 and certainly didn't think there had to be something wrong with him because he could read early and was not very coordinated. She could also do mental math very quickly like my son, until the day she had routine surgery and had what doctors think were mini strokes that caused her dementia and left her with no short term memory and unable to learn anything else for the rest of her life, including her grandson's name even though she sees him every day.

My dad used to let my mother do most of the talking and I thought for years that she was smarter than him, but two of his brothers became engineers. I think he was just gifted in other ways.

I was usually one of the youngest in my classes, but usually made straight A's, except for PE where the best I could do was a B. People at high school reunions said they remembered me as one of the smart kids, but I was not as smart as my mother or my son and I was extremely shy and sensitive to the point that I did not speak at all at school, only at home. I think dealing with my anxiety was almost like having a learning disability, yet I did well on tests.

I was smart enough and sensitive enough to feel different as a child. I can understand a little of what my son is going through when he says he feels like he was being shunned by some of the kids his age because he is different.

I had only one of the overexcitabilities, where he has all five.

I think my husband is smarter than I am. He has most of the overexcitabilities but he is definitely not as sensitive as me or our son so I get blamed for that.

I was a "smart kid" too.

Unfortunately I don't think my parents or teachers had a clue what to do with me. I remember being alone a lot. Not really having friends in school, but rather acquaintences...

Fortunately, the adults pretty much stayed out of my way. So I was able to test out of high school at 16 and graduate from college at 19. Then I wasn't sure what to do with myself. By that time I was burned out on school and couldn't face grad school.

As a parent, I am more aware that my children are GT and have talents (artistic and design) that I try to help them develop. I should own stock in Crayola for all the art supplies I've bought over the years! And I don't focus solely on school for their intellectual stimulation and/or extracurricular activities.

That being said, I am frustrated by the limited educational options open to us here. Right now the girls are in a really good (read: willing to differentiate and challenge their students) small charter school. We have no idea what we'll do about high school and are dreading the possibility of having to pay college-level tuitions for high school.

Everyone else says I am smart.
I have them all fooled. LOL
I did however have a friends of the library award from middle school. I think they made that one up just for me.
A lot of what Cathy A said could have been me. I still do many things on auto pilot.

The reason I think I am not smart, is when I meet people that are smart, I feel somewhat dumb. At my sons school the parents are smart, they remeber everyones name, the kids remember everyones names, and I think, hey, that person looks familer.

I can't spell, I use bad (poor) grammer. Math was always week, and I have no long term memory. I can barley remeber any ES. But I moved almost every year. I think 5 ES 1 MS, 2 HS. I was tested once in ES and was going to be placed into a special school, or so I have been told. My mothre said that they gave the test to me two years early, and that they wanted me to be older. I have no memory of this, but I think we moved. My GPA was poor, only when I apply myself I do well (Imagin that).
DW is bright, got along wel, and has friends from ES. She remebers all their names, address, phone numbers. She did well in school.
She thinks I am smarter then she is. I have her fooled too.

Our DS6 seems to be a nice blend of both of us.
I really have enjoyed this thread, I see many of us trying to avoid some of the pain we experance as children for our children. Somtimes I wonder if the fire needs to be hot to make the metal.

You know, I think the big difference for kids is between 0 friends and 1 friend, kcab. As long as a kid has one person to talk openly with, I think the chances of a "manifesto in the woods" developing are greatly reduced.

And good mental health care matters a lot, too, of course. (A caring mom doesn't hurt either. Luckily, he's got that one in the bag! )

I was one of those smart kids, too. I was always bored in school, and I usually got into trouble when I was bored. I did not have many friends during early childhood until I became the class troublemaker and became popular (or, maybe, infamous). However, social rejection at the start of my schooling may have had more to do with where I grew up (inner city neighborhood) and where I went to school (suburban community) than with my intelligence. In retrospect, I don't think that my teachers expected my test scores from an "underprivileged" kid. I think that a lot of people resented me because I came from that neighborhood and out-performed them.

Even while succeeding in my studies, most of my teachers and classmates thought that I must have been pretty stupid to get into trouble that often--even the ones who knew how high my scores were. I even was advised to drop out of school, as a trouble-maker like me didn't belong in education. I took their advice, as I already had begun researching in my disipline during junior high and part of high school. Fortunately, I came back to formal schooling eventually and have since learned about giftedness (and found out my scores--much higher than I had thought--from my parents). My experiences with school and with my difficulties fitting into my age-peer group make more sense knowing what I know now.



My dad had hated school, too, and attributed it to being the youngest in the class (rather than an IQ of 160), so I was always the oldest in my grade (not a big help for an advanced kid, I'll say). My mom was very bright, as well, but she excelled and was well-recieved in school. My grandparents and other relatives were very bright, too, but they did not receive a formal education much past 4th grade (grand-grandfather helped pioneer nuclear physics, grandfather became a factory engineer and free-lance architect, uncle in particle physics). Education was never a big deal in my family, as we tended to excel in our careers even without a formal background in our disciplines. I guess that was why no one really cared when I decided to drop out of school...

Jumping in a bit late here....

School was easy for me for the most part. Looking back on it, they didn't know what to do with me through 3rd grade.

In 4th grade, we started subjects like social studies and science. We spent a long time studying the geography and cultures of Africa, and I was fascinated by it all. I got out of spelling with a few other kids, and we got to take Spanish lessons.

We even did engineering-type stuff. Once, the teacher challenged us to see who could build the strongest platform out of straws. I came up with a design that supported a math book. Other kids improved on it, and pretty soon we had made some very strong platforms out of nothing but flimsy straws. Fun!

This stuff kind-of compensated for being forced to go through language arts material I'd tested out of in 3rd grade!

For the most part, I wasn't terribly challenged in school. I didn't learn how to study or attack a problem I couldn't figure out immediately. This led to problems in high school. I read the books for English and did my homework, but rarely tried hard. (This was my fault at that point, of course.) In spite, I still managed to graduate around 10th in a class of 396. ??

I make sure that my kids are challenged. My husband and I both try to teach them how to approach a problem or task that appears impossible at first. We take it easy on scheduled activities too.

Silly influence: I was bored out of my little tree in 1st grade reading class. But it's strange how things work out: I remember a lot of the lessons. I guess because I could already read by then, I was able pay attention to how it all fit together.

Fast forward many years. When my DS-then-3 asked us to teach him how to read, I pulled out my old memories and took him through what I'd learned in 1st grade. Trippy, huh?

Val

My IQ is normal, 120. My smarts are in language and artistic genres. I felt different growing up because I was thinking of adult things, creative ideas, books, thinking deeper thoughts than my peers who were concerned with gossip, clothes, fads, and stuff I thought was silly and superfluous to life's meaning. But that's because I'm an artist, not gifted. I found it pretty daunting to have a kid with one of 153 and argued like a trial lawyer at 6.

Artists are gifted! You're probably a right-brainer - what an interesting family dynamic you must have with your little left-brained trial lawyer!

I was a "smart kid" too, (and an artist) and grew up hearing that. I was also ultra responsible and big for my age, so I was used to people thinking I was much older than I really was. My mother says I stopped napping at age 3, and I talked early and NONSTOP. I rewrote the lyrics to Beethoven's 9th as soon as I could write, and read Watership Down in second grade. I'm not sure when I learned to read because back then we didn't have to know anything when we started kindergarten.

Of course I also had a terrible lisp until 6th grade, rocked until I was 12, wore braces on my feet as a toddler, and had to have a hearing test in 4th grade for attention problems, LOL!

Not really. I was average, maybe a little above. In college I always had a 4.0 in my field, but not in other subjects. Unlike my husband, I did have to try to get good grades. My DH was in a gifted program at school...I would guess he is moderately gifted. I worked pretty hard in school to get good grades...but some things came easier than others. I think because I was not a super smart kid, having a HG+ kid is a major shock to me.

There's a big difference between "smart kid" and HG+ kid, right? Shellymos, getting 4.0 in your subject is definitely "smart" in my book - many people work hard and can't get an A grade. And really, college isn't manageable for everyone, KWIM?

If this thread is "were you a HG+ kid" then I need to delete my post!

Since I was born in 1960, I was a "good student". Only boys were smart at that time. There was no such thing as gifted. My father was a "genius" - another out-of-date term.

We only had private kinder and I attended that, but it was just for play. I read early, against my mother's judgment. She was a first grade teacher and they did not advise that back then. We had all the books at home - Dick, Jane, and Sally. I just kept asking what a certain word meant until I figured it out. I guess I "bugged" her into teaching me.

I had a great first grade teacher and she let me have my own reading group. Of course, we had high, medium, and low back then. I worked with various ones - mostly medium. They did not really test levels that much before computers, but she knew that I had read through the books and could help the other students.

I totally loved it. I enjoyed being the teacher and have been this in every phase of my life. I can usually understand something fairly fast and others come to me for questions.

I usually got more out of a "unit" than others, but enjoyed it. Around third grade, students began disliking me for my abilities and that hurt. I never bragged, but there was this girl-jealousy thing.

Most of all, my parents took me to museums and other trips that stimulated my interest. I read a lot of biography when I was young. We had no internet back then, so I went to libraries to look up topics.

I was a "smart kid" too. Fat lot of good it did me. I was very introverted (with a very extroverted mother, who still drives me nuts). Always well behaved, never talked back, had few friends, loved books. Never challenged in elementary school; the teachers loved me and I sat in front and got 100s on everything. Supposedly around 7th grade I must have been tested, I guess, because my mother claims to have known my IQ, though of course now she can't remember (she thought my brother's was 88, LOL, and he now has houses in like 4 countries, so... honestly I think she has alzheimers but only because she can't remember more recent stuff. but that's another story.)

I was traumatized in 8th grade by a guidance counselor. We moved to a new school district and my mother and 7th grade math teacher from the old school were trying to get the appropriate math placement. I never spoke in any of the meetings. So the guidance counselor says *to* me (keeping in mind that I was a total mouse, and probably less than 5 ft tall), "well, maybe you're not as smart as you think you are." I would still love to tell her off. She was old then so I suppose she's no longer among the living.

and looking back I'm a little ticked that my parents never thought to have me apply to the gifted high school - it never occurred to them that I could be smart enough. They were very focused on sending us to religious high schools (my mother had been a nun, a la sound of music but without the singing. got kicked out for smoking). It didn't occur to anyone that I got one of the top few scores on the entrance test; my mom was just proud of the tiny scholarship that went along with it. Too bad there were very few real teachers there. I slid by, working a job and having fun, and the underachievement continued.

It finally got better in law school, but still I was, and am, forever the imposter (the profession is full of them). DH likes to crow about having scored better than me on the LSAT but there were only two-tenths of a percentile between us. I'll never be as smart as he is and it doesn't matter because I've lost like 50 IQ points over the last 8 years since I've been pregnant or nursing or trying to get pregnant the whole time. (here we go again, no sudoku for me for another several months. but this one was not on purpose. so now you know why none of this gibberish makes any sense - preggo brain strikes again.)

Ultimately, I guess I managed to do "fine" but looking back all I see is waste (kinda like when I used to watch jeopardy and say, "I should know that!" but didn't. Plus those rejection letters from the likes of harvard et al. for both undergrad and law school; good scores, weak grades. At least DH got into harvard, but they didn't give him the big fat scholarship that led him to me )

I'm hoping that my kids do just that notch better and avoid the underachievement trap. In my family growing up, having lots of fun was just as important as school success - why didn't I have more friends over, boyfriends, etc. - and it was way too much social pressure for me. I'll be satisfied if my kids are content in their own situations. My mother knew I was smart but didn't really have any idea of the ramifications of that. It would have helped if she had listened to me as if my opinion mattered growing up. Working in a law firm was the first time anyone really cared what I had to say. I don't want that to happen to my kids. But with all their 2e-types of issues, it's all I can do to keep up. I was kinda hoping we could do private for middle and high school (there are a couple schools here that would be appropriate, academically; small and extremely expensive) but with 6 kids that's going to be a tall order. I'm just worried the public high school will be too big (thousands) though it sure will have course selection and has a good reputation. My parents never thought much about this, but for that one 8th grade episode re: math, so I guess that's the big difference between us.

Yep that is me, smart.

Read Kriston's blurb and it pretty much has me pegged. I early admitted to K, skipped midyear from first to 2nd. I knew everyone, got along with everyone, perpetual volunteer.

That's a good question.
I did good in school but I studied.
I am not gifted nor is my husband.
I do have a 1st cousin who sounds like he was just like my DS reading at 3 skipped 4 grades etc.
So there is someone in the family like him but not his parents LOL

Yes. My 5th grade teacher pushed my parents to test me to see if I was gifted, and they didn't. I got "lost" in the system. I refuse to let that happen to either of my kids, but most especially DS.

Yes, I was. And I feel like I'm currently living a parallel life with my DD6. However, we've got some very good plans in place at the public school for DD. For me though, I went to private grade school and HS. Everyone knew of me as the smart kid. I never ever ever studied or was challenged in anything through the 12th grade. Even my AP Classes - I never studied for them. I felt like I didn't belong and never really had an identity.

Then I went off to a Big Ten school for Engineering and fell hard. My first few years there were extremely difficult -- I was that textbook GT kid who was never challenged and didn't know how to study. It took me until my senior year in College to figure it out.

Then, right after college, I moved to to the East coast for my job. The region we lived in felt the opposite of a "brain drain." It seems that all the smart people are there. I felt like I belonged, had mentors and knew where I was going. I didn't realize at the time it was because I was with my "intellectual peers." I thought it was just because we were all "mature adults."

Well I was wrong. I moved back to the Midwest a little over a year ago and it sucks. I hate it here. I had a job for a while and I felt like everyone I worked with were idiots. I found myself back in that same place as I felt in grade school and high school. I was miserable and and at the same time felt like a pompous jerk for having that attitude toward my coworkers.

For now, I quit my job and have decided to return to grad school.

Does the "problem" of being a gifted child ever end?

Becky, maybe I need to move back up north (I live in the southeast now)! I could've easily written the first two paragraphs you wrote!

yes, I was. I was incredibly shy and read all the time. My parents called me "the unawakened brain" (thanks a lot, folks)

But I don't think I've really processed my experience as a gifted child in a very rural area until my children came along and I have had such insights (!) finally (!) about myself.

Even though I realize MY experience is MY experience, I will do everything I can to ensure my children will not go through what I did.

We're moving to a metro area in April so they will have more opportunities!

Yes, I was

I was/am. Now I am sixteen and have joined this forum to look at what parents and kids are doing and learn about advocacy. I want to make it my career in a few years.

Yes I was. In high school I knew how to "ace" a test without throwing off the almighty bell curve. I also knew how to "skip" without getting caught and avoid the "nerd" term. Yes I was smart and beat the whole system. I am determined to give my kids a better chance.

When I was in middle school we lived in Germany where they noticed me and my potential. I was hand selected to go on to advanced math and science. A move back to the states had the German school board calling my parents and sending several visitors to try and talk my parents into letting me stay. My parents refused for their own selfish reasons and hence the above paragraph about my high school experience in the states.

I do plan on not letting that happen to my kiddos. My DH's brilliance is under radar. He refuses to believe he is as gifted as he is. His spatial reasoning abilities blow me away. He was a C/D student throughout school until college where he decided to get A's.

I was but all it got me was the angst of my teachers who had to watch me throw it all away. Without the support of good parents it can take a long time for a kid to realize how lucky they are and take full advantage.