Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Update (Mixed Bag)

Hopefully I won't let this get too long

So we did have a good meeting with DS's first grade teacher. That was about three weeks ago. We have been trying various techniques to engage DS including special after school work. Sometimes it worked great, but sometimes not so much.

The last couple of weeks have been challenging as we're definitely seeing signs of frustration from DS. There is some acting out, but that is almost exclusively at home. Kriston warned us of this, so it wasn't totally unexpected. His level of homework hasn't really changed, so compared to what we hoped for (being able to learn new things) he's largely reviewing material he's known for a while. It got to the point where DW and I were asking ourselves what other possible alternatives might there be. We're still waiting for the official gifted identification process to complete, but it'll be mid-year before we really have a formal GIEP established. For a majority of this year, we're probably working without PA's "official" gifted label. (We're not planning on any changes until we get identified)

Our personal frustration comes from not seeing DS challenged at school. It is still early in the year, but we were hoping that after our last discussion we'd have more differentiation. We do a lot of extra-circular activities where you can see him get very enthusiastic to learn. After checking out local private schools, they really don't seem to be an option for us (one tuition we might be able to swing, but there is nothing that to make me think we won't have 2 more in that same boat down the road). Not to mention that private school is a risk and doesn't guarantee that he'll get what he needs. DW has now brought up homeschooling which, frankly, floored me because she was pretty adamant against HS up until now. The closest gifted charter school is, unfortunately, 1.5 hours away.

DW did a one-on-one meeting with the teacher this morning which went pretty well. She's going to talk to the math specialist about DS... Reading groups should be established shortly.

So it's a mixed bag, and it's not all doom and gloom but it's not as peachy as I'd hope for. Again, I think the teacher is doing the best she can given the student:teacher ratio and her framework. It just appears to take a really, really LONG time to get adjustments made and it's frustrating to us and DS. We're not looking for perfect. Just a situation where he's learning some new things.

JB

GOod luck JBDad. Things will probably get better once you are through all the hoops of getting the gifted label and having a formal GIEP.

I'm sorry things are so frustrating right now. Hopefully, with the GIEP, things will start falling into place better. Your biggest frustration (seeing that your son is not challenged in school) is my biggest worry for when DS4 starts school. I wish you luck!

As an aside about charter schools, I recently became involved in a STEM charter that's set to open in fall 2009 for kindergarten. It is not a gifted school, but I think its learner-centered philosophy, along with the STEM focus, would be better for our DS than our local overcrowded schools. It's 40 minutes away from us, so we haven't completely decided yet, but it's sort of nice to be in on some of the planning - i can always give my 2-cents. I'm figuring that we're going to have to squeeze as much out of any school we go to, no matter what it's designation, so i'm just looking for the one with the most juice. (And homeschooling will be our backup.) FYI - I'm thinking that the start-up charter schools won't have much press, since they don't have funding yet (we stumbled upon it). I guess I just wanted to say there might be some things out there that we're just not aware of yet.

Hi JB

I think things will get better, as long as you and your DW stay involved, and augment at home. Our DS6 started acting out more at home, not a lot just wineing(SP). The school he goes to offered parent classes, and my DW went, the school pyscologist (Ok the apple fell a long way from this tree) brought up that many 1st year studnets may act out at home this year. It was becaue of the new demands of an all day school, its a big change for them. In regards to being chalanged, its hard to say. Our DS6 is fine with the work, but he already knows the math. However there is some depth to the program at his school. It's not hard by any means, but it has a solid fundation. I am waiting until DS6 complaines, or until November when we meet with his teacher. It's hard to know what to do. DS6 does 3rd grade work at home (We do it for fun) and 2nd grade at work in school. I asked him if he thought school was hard enough and he said yes. How does your son feel about the school work? Can you add to it at home? We can just stay on top of things and adjust where we can.

Well...

I can't help but wonder if those many 1st year kids acting out might not juse be the GT ones who aren't challenged for the first time and for all doggone day.

When a child who has never acted out before starts falling apart quite obviously, I think that chalking it up to some sort of "normal" adjustment is an insufficient response. Especially when the child states quite clearly that school isn't working for him and can elucidate why not!

Sorry to be a skeptic, Edwin, but just because the school psychologist says it doesn't necessarily make me believe it. You know?

That's not to say the situation won't improve. It might. I hope it does. But I think having some alternative solutions in case it doesn't is smart, too.

A lot of the times when we find a way to label something differently, DS responds a lot better. Naps--when he thought he was too old for naps--became "quiet time". Nothing else really changed. When he comes home from school, if he's noticeably tired, he gets "brain break".

Today he actually got what appeared to be differentiated homework from his teacher and I was pleasantly surprised. DW presented it as "complicated math" and he was very excited about it. This was in addition to his normal (easy to him) math sheet. When he found out that only one sheet was "complicated math" he was a little disappointed, but accepted it. We wouldn't have drawn any attention to it except for the fact that only he and one other student are getting these extra math sheets. They are relatively open ended so he can (and does) make them as complicated as he wants.

Edwin, we do similar things at home with respect to math at about second/third grade level. Biology--a recent interest of his--is very, very advanced. Even his pysch noted about how DS has some real vertical knowledge. Tonight I think I hit a home run when I used powers of twos (math) to show cell division (biology/reproduction).

One of the interesting things that we're noticing is that he loves writing stories. Help me if we have another writer in the family!

We're hoping things get better too. This time, though, I did get confirmation that the teacher talked with the math specialist (as she said she would) and we got more appropriate homework. I hope that's a sign that we're starting to get through.

JB

Maybe the psych is right, maybe wrong, I'll bet they are well intentioned for sure.
The road to........ Sorry for the cynicism, all, but I've always taken ALL the advice I've been given. I certainly haven't USED it all.

You do know your child best, so keep looking into and just trust your own gut.

I did NOT trust my gut last year because the teacher was thought of as one of the best in the district. I thought she MUST know better than me. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.....
Who suffered? Not me. Not her.
Okay, I will *step off*, now.


The way I've interpreted STEM is that it's a movement to support kids who are talented and/or interested in: Science, Technology, Engineering and Math. Who are those kids.....yeah...........

My only concern would be; is it really STEM-like......

But, wow, caught my interest-Big Time!

We crossposted!

It could also be getting used to the school day. If that's the deal, it should be dying down soon.

Sounds like your teachers are really working for you guys. That's good to hear.

Hi Kriston

I would normally agree with you on this. And I don't fully disagree. (Lets see how much more vague I can be, lol) In our cased it may be true, our DS6 is very happy at school. The school is for HG kids. In discussions with some of the parents only some have some behavior issues, most seem minor. I consider ours a minor one, I just never considered that being at a new school might make him more sensitive, tired, irretable, etc... It could also be the 45min to 1 hr drive each way, or just normal 6 year old behavior. However you are correct that if a child is stating that things are not well with school and then they also start acting out, it's most likly the school.

I had to re-read JBs post to see if his son was upset with the school, or if they where upset with the lack of challange they saw. Like us I was hoiping for more challange, but since my DS6 seems ok, how much of this is my issue. I am waiting to see.

I am not saying that my issue is the same as JBdads, it was just an observation, and an interesting point brought up in the parenting class offered at the school for new parents.

So far I am very happy with the school.

As far as liking school goes...

I think that overall he likes it. Certainly he's getting things like recess (socialization time with peers), Spanish, Art, Gym, etc., that he wasn't getting before and wouldn't have got if he went into K.

We've observed some negative behavior with homework that I mentioned before. Things that he obviously knows that might be 8 math problems he'll take FOR-EVER to do. Finding the right motivation for him to do that work is tough, but we are sometimes successful with it. When he's motivated to do it, it's done in less than 5 minutes. I think it's important for him to do enough practice work so that he's proficient with the concept, but at least right now that's always the case.

Kriston, it's hard to tell if the behavioral issues are due to a long day and being young or not. We're not sure. DW always says that he behaves exactly like he's watched too much TV. That analogy of having to watch a movie in slow motion when you already know the ending... and the we get a boy who half the time is bouncing off the walls when I get home.

At any rate, this forum is at least a place where I can vent!

Thanks.

JB