Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Counselor or psychiatrist?

Does anyone use a counselor or psychiatrist for their gifted children?

What issues prompted this and has it helped?

We are mainly looking for some professional help to deal with anger issues before they get out of control. Wasn't sure if this is the best route to take.

I'm interested in this as well. We've got the same issue for which we're looking for professional help. Well, that and minding, and doing his work, and getting dressed, .. . .

FWIW, DD6 saw a child psychologist twice a month last year. BUT, He is a gifted child expert and I don't think I would have taken her to anyone otherwise.
Second, she experienced what I would call a severe negative effect from a poor teacher/academic placement last year.
Interestingly, when summer rolled around, she returned to her very happy charming self and so far, so good this year.

I think you have to look at all the facts and variables and you'll know in your gut if you are in over your head with what's going on with child. I would say if you are feeling that way, find someone to help your child.........which will ultimately help the whole family.

I guess I'm biased but I really really really think it's a good idea to find a Dr. who has a good understanding of the way these kids think. I really think it's so so important for some HG and up kids and my DD was one of those HG kids that really needed someone that understood the way she thought.

In hindsight, I wish I would have just pulled her out of school, now we know the issue was situational...
But you know what they say about hindsight.
And I hope I haven't offended any health care professional that doesn't feel that you need HG experience to work with these kids.......I'm sure there is merit to that as well.
As mom's I say trust your gut and respect the child. Hopefully that will help you figure out when to find a professional to help.

We have not sought professional help for our son in this regard, but have used the advice of professionals for ourselves in learning how to deal with different issues. Both times we had our son tested we asked for help with how to manage issues such as anxiety, strong-will and control issues and anger related to perfectionism and competitiveness. The advice we received both times was very helpful and gave us new directions for dealing with our son.

Our son saw the school social worker on a very casual basis to address some anxiety issues that had surfaced there. I think his involvement with her was both positive and helpful. Nothing too extended or deep but just enough special one-on-one attention from a different perspective to help him think about some things.

I would seek help again should we be in a position to do so. I would encourage you to find a professional who is knowledgeable about needs of GT kids and who practices from a family dynamic perspective. I think your involvement as a parent is very important and the child should not be treated as the patient in isolation. The whole family should be involved if appropriate, IMHO.

I agree with Neato, trust your gut. If you feel that you need help or your child does go for it and find someone who can support and empower you through the rough times.

Debbie,
These are our issues as well. Is there a factory where they stamp these kids out? Or is it just predictable that poor fit school situations plus high IQ plus asynchronous development equals these particular issues?

And I thought it was all due to my inadaquate parenting ((Joking))

((shrugs)) and more ((shrugs))
Grinity

Crisc,
I just sent you a PM.
Jool

After having some issues last year with bullying and difficulty with finding friends, we sought a psychologist who specializes in gifted kids. She worked with DS8 once a week for maybe nine or ten weeks this summer. She talked to DS about why people tease and bully others and how to make new friends. I don't know if something just clicked with him this year, if the additional subject acceleration is making him happier, or if all the money that we spent had a return on investment. (It was not covered by insurance! Ouch!) But he is a much, much happier child these days, and that is worth every penny of it!

I would highly recommend going to someone who specializes in gifted kids. The psychologist really understood him: all of the asynchronous development issues, social issues due to grade acceleration, and the problems of finding a like-minded friend. She helped him see that the bullying was about the other kids' problems and not a reflection on him. She worked through ways of dealing with bullying and also worked on different levels of friendship (acquaintances, playmates, and best friends) and how you go about generating those friendships.

We are currently generating a lot of new friendships and the bullying is greatly reduced. Last week and older kid came up during lunch and told DS that the only reason that he was special was because no one liked him! But DS just shrugged it off and thought that it was a pretty pointless comment.

Happy to report - we are handling everythig just fine at the dinner table

Crisc,
I also wanted to mention a totally different approach. I've tried to find adult mentors for my DS to actually know and grow with. If it ever comes to that, I'd rather pay for a tutor/mentor where my son could learn life skills 'on the side'as he's getting the thrill of delving deeper into a subject he loves. Afterall, his issues go with him wherever he goes...

I don't know exactly what's on your plate, and these kids do seem very intense, a lot of the time, but that's an idea that may be useful.

www.handinhandparenting.org/

and

www.rc.org/

have been amazingly useful for me for the last 27 years - well before DS came on the scene.


It seems that the 'normal' level of anger for boys and men is something we females have been socialized to feel that we 'can't handle.'

Love and More Love,
Grinity

This is great to hear! I must note also that we found changes in MrWiggly's school program have pretty much resolved all the school issues that were present when he was needing to talk to the social worker. He actually looks forward to and doesn't want to miss school this year! So, sometimes the anger and other issues can be resolved by "fixing" the source of the problem rather than "fixing" the kid!

Not to say that some issues don't warrant professional help. In fact, we didn't make those changes to the extent necessary until after getting professional help in the form of testing and consultation for educational needs. Just mentioning that sometimes the issue needs to be addressed in the environmental context versus the personal context.

Our issue is we don't know if it's school, environment or kid. I'm thinking maybe we need help to identify the source.

Food for thought, it could be a combination of those things or something totally different. I think you're on the right track in terms of figuring it out.

Good luck.

Hi Crisc,

Our experience is that one may have to try a few before a right fit is found. I agree with Ebeth; find one that comes recommended and understands gifted issues. Years after, I still believe that if there is not a right educational placement, a psych. will not make everything all better if a child is prone to anxiety. One can help the child cope a bit. Our psych helped by testing and by testifying for us in our case against the district. In that respect, one would provide your credibilty and documentation. We began taking him to a psychologist when he was 7, because he had difficulty swallowing due to anxiety. A boy in his class told him he would break into our house and kill his mother. Later, he developed rage and OCD which I now believe was caused by misplacement (IQ 153 at 7yrs.) and relentless, daily bullying. He had just one friend. He was ostracized at the lunch table because he talked about a Nova show he'd seen. He was, of course, viewed as a freak and suffered for it. He is 27 now and doing well although a fear of germs crops up when one of his students is sick. He manages it well through rational thinking. When they are young children, they don't have the thought patterns to manage. I empathize. That whole period was stressful on the whole family.

[quote=crisc]Does anyone use a counselor or psychiatrist for their gifted children?

We are just starting to look for a psychologist for our 4 year old also - that is what led me to this site, actually. We are not largely informed about challenges with gifted children and we are so grateful for advice from those parents who have worked through some of the potential challenges - and if you know of a psychologist listing with a focus on gifted children that would be great.
Our son started reading just before turning two and has also demonstrated a great deal of ability with numbers and music. Though he is very social, he is deeply sensitive and when children his age are unkind I think he has a hard time expressing his feelings and lately has been acting out quite a bit. In general he has been feeling frustrated and angry and in situations where he is bothered by us asking him to do something (brush teeth, put on clothes) he now just breaks down often. I think he is profoundly aware of our frustrations and knows how to tweek the situation. Sometimes I believe he also just has a hard time knowing what are his feelings and what are ours. Anyway. Long note - but first time sharing this with others who have gifted children...
Thank you for your input.

This is where I always send people:

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/psychologists.htm

These are recs from parents who have used the psychs, not ads. If you find a new one not on the list whom you like, please take the time to recommmend him/her to Hoagies. The more options that GT families have, the better I think.

I recommended our marvelous tester and she's now on the list.

Crisc,

I just thought of something else. If you need to take court action, it protects your side so they can't point a finger at you and say the parents never took him to a psych/counselor. Sorry, but they can fight dirty. The psych may in fact be your ammo, backup. For an example: I have a degree in Eng. Ed, worked as a teacher, yet took a part time waitress job while I was beginning actor's training. In the courttoom, their lawyer announced that "his mother is a waitress" and omitted my degree in educ. and that I had been a teacher before I had the kids.

Thanks for the advice everyone. Our initial appt is on Tuesday. I already gave the intake coordinator the basics of DS5 and already told her that my son does not immediately respect all adults--adults need to earn his trust and respect. After the initial appt if he needs weekly visits they will factor that in.

His K teacher also called me on Friday due to an incident that happened on the way home from the field trip that morning. She said she wasn't concerned about the initial behavior (pushing another child) but she was more concerned about the fit that happened after he was told to stop pushing. He sat on the curb and refused to move, screaming that he was a maniac, and a troublemaker. Obviously with 2 K classes walking back to school, this refusal to move behavior was not going to be tolerated by the teachers. Once the teacher spent time with him and calmed him down she said he was absolutely fine for the rest of the morning but since she told him she would be calling me she had to follow through. She has already realized that the best way to deal with DS5 is to make him a helper. He gets to read to the other children when he finishes his work. She also told me that because she has been assessing all the children she has not had time to give him any differentiation of work from the other children. I guess I should be happy she realizes that he needs it--although I don't think she can provide it. Our P/T conference is next Monday.

Another thing I noticed this morning was that DS5 was bouncing off the walls looking for trouble--throwing things, teasing his siblings. I handed him DH's new IPod Touch and DS5 spent almost an hour playing with the calculator. He eventually ended up making it count up by 5's to a million--he only got to 10,000 before he had togo to soccer but I couldn't believe the change in his whole attitude and demeanor. He was so pleasant once he got the change to do something to stimulate his brain. Asking him to get dressed in his soccer clothes was so peaceful. I really want my peaceful boy back.

Yeah Crisc - I know exactly what you mean!
Grins

I hope the appt. goes well and your family gets some useful info to help the situation.

We have met with a psychologist over the last two months and it's been great. He does specialize in gifted children and underachievement. My main reason for the initial visit was the behavioral issues (which we have now learned are emotional issues) with the gifted issues as a secondary reason. He has a wonderful perspective on the topic and has provided great insight. I also wanted a partner to speak to the teacher and school staff as I feel inadequate doing so. We had our first meeting with the teacher yesterday and it went great. Our DD6's teacher is very receptive to new ideas. So I think this is going to be a good fit.