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The post I'm about to write is about personal struggles/trauma, so I wanted to warn you in advance in case that's not what you're here for. I believe that a lot of this has to do with giftedness, so I hoped that some of you guys might help me out here.
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Whenever something goes wrong when I interact with other people, I start ruminating on it for several hours, telling myself that I should abstain from society because of my terrible social skills, that I've burned a bridge without even realizing what went wrong (even though I might not have), that the one disagreement will mean the end of the relationship, that I am not culturally aware and will never be, that I am probably autistic, that there's something wrong with me.

I have struggled with these thoughts since I was a child. I have always stood out, was bullied in school and never had friends until my final year of college when I totally turned around my personality. Surprisingly enough, as soon as I turned around my personality, people started thinking I was normal and this happened within a few months, but I always feel like an impostor. I feel like an alien or a robot. Maybe I am. Much of the isolation, especially in school, was because I was "different" and giftedness was certainly a part of this difference. If I were to estimate my intelligence, it would be at least around 3SD above average on a standard IQ test. School was completely redundant for me; there was nothing there which I couldn't learn in a fraction of the time from a textbook.

I feel like I had better get myself out of society, because I will only mess things up if I stay in. Like there will always be that secret language which only "normal people" will understand, which I am painfully translating into my own language, but I will never be a native speaker.

Sometimes I will think I'm normal, but one bad interaction with someone will make me feel like I simply don't understand human interaction at all, that I am autistic, and that I must not even try because it will never work. Like I am being inauthentic whenever I act like I am a social person, and so to be authentic to myself I must be a misanthrope. I am afraid that people see through the facade I put forth, and realize that I'm not one of them, and so I will always be excluded, only to realize months later what would have been completely obvious if I were normal, that is that no group would include me as one of their own.

Yet I have people in my life who, as far as I can tell, truly consider me to be their friend. My parents and relatives don't think there's anything off with me, that yes I was weird as a child but I "self-corrected". I have not had success with therapy, perhaps because I project as normal when I speak to them so they never understand that there is this weird person lurking under the surface. I don't have any idea what is normal: certainly, from the way I write I do not feel like I'm not quite "normal". When I speak, I imitate others' speech patterns and vocabulary, in a chameleon-like fashion. This was additionally necessary while growing up, since I grew up speaking multiple languages in different countries and social settings.

What is this? What normally happens when someone who was never socially accepted until they were past their teens is "normal" all of a sudden? I feel like I have zero idea how people think, and I often don't empathize with them to the point where I wonder sometimes if we're speaking the same language. I think they would react a certain way, but they react completely differently. I instinctively react very differently to how many others react, which doesn't help matters. Therapists repeatedly telling me I'm pretty normal makes me feel even worse, as if all of this were simply a case of heightened neuroticism, all a sort of fiction created in my head. In that case, the logical conclusion is that I can't trust my brain, especially on emotional matters, and this is making it incredibly hard for me to feel any real sense of identity or real emotion, because I don't trust my brain in the first place.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.