Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Identification, Testing & Assessment 3 years ago I came here for help, can you help me again

Three years ago I joined this site, asking about my DS who was not of school age but was very demanding about his learning.

link to previous post for those interested

While I dropped off the board, since I had so many places to go and things to try, my worry and stress over this little guy never stopped. Fortunately the GI issue I mention he mostly outgrew, he's still very short for his age, but is hitting a spurt currently.

My oldest, DD8 is in 3rd grade and has been identified as gifted, and DS is now 5 and recently started kindergarten in the same school.

Things haven't slowed down at home. We're still working with motor skill delays, but we've gotten much better that his delays aren't a concern. But his mind still is. His ability to absorb information as rapidly as he was when I wrote my first post has exploded. Not long after posting, he was so fed up, so to speak, that he taught himself to read in order to do the concepts he wanted.

DS's never-ending thirst for knowledge caused chaos at home because DD8 is aware that his natural skills surpass hers. Their strengths fortunately are different, so they often help one another, but his mathematical ability puts him at a level I am scared to find out. I've managed to quell the anxiety in my oldest, but I'm still struggling being mom to DS.

K started last week. His teacher contacted parents ahead of time to introduce herself. I wrote back that I was concerned for DS because of his strong math skills. She found my "non bragging" email convincing enough to contact DD former teachers, who all having met him attested to his skills. She asked me to bring in samples so She could see what hee can do, and was surprised to see the workbook was grade 4. She advocated I initiate gifted testing and told me she was working with older grades to find him math work he could do on his own. I love DS teacher's advocacy.

I've done all the consent work, now I only wait for testing to occur. If it is anything like DD, I won't innie anything until 6 months from now. I'm hoping because even the administration have caught wind of him, that it will be fast tracked (with DD it was teacher initiated And a lot of time loss was from mailing convert forms home).

I'm terrified. Which is why I drug out my old account to come back to this lovely group, because I think DS is going to have us join that family (DDs current evaluation was not high enough for entry). DS never slowed down. He still just thinks constantly. I don't know what I'm doing, because the challenges with DD were never this blatant or intense. I can't talk to other parents here regarding DD or DS abilities, because they turn so spiteful, like I've pushed this. I was so thankful for the community before, and I wound up being so busy chasing his coat tails with new and fun things that I knew I had to come back and hope you could help me again. I'd rather ask than stay up another night worrying the what ifs.

I know I will have to advocate harder, I know he wants math and I will push for him. But is grade acceleration really a necessity? Or is there still a stigma? I fear the reality of the test scores I know are coming; I've never pushed him, just kept offering more and he's putting it together on his own, in his head. I want him to be his happy, social self, and thankfully we have a wonderful schedule of EC activities for all 3 of my children (youngest DD is 3) - and I don't know how best to even consider moving forward from this point. I know there's a parent out here who has been in my shoes or similar. Do you have any words of advice for me moving forward?

With my warmest regards, I thank you in advance.

Welcome back!

Kudos on the thorough and even-keel manner in which you articulated your situation update... both the positives and the concerns. I have just a few thoughts at the moment.

If there is any disability, you may find great information at wrightslaw, including and addressing classroom support via IEP/504. Understood.org is another helpful site for explaining things in layman's terms, including IEP/504.

While gifted kids may often be autodidactic (self-taught), they also benefit from having teachers and a supportive learning environment with peers.

Very wise and insightful.

Kids need both appropriate academic challenge and intellectual peers. The school planning only for self-taught math in isolation is, unfortunately, not going to meet these needs. Might the teacher be interested to join the free Davidson Educators Guild?

While this may be uncomfortable, it is better than being in denial about your child's unique needs.

Yes, this is why we glom together here. Have you looked into testing and possibly applying for your DS5 to join Davidson Young Scholars?

This roundup of advocacy tips and threads may be of interest.

This roundup of acceleration anecdotes and resources may be of interest.

I have a 2e child too. I would suggest looking at subject acceleration. With motor delay (or any 2e concern), I am hesitant to grade skip within bricks and mortar school setting. However, there comes a point when the grade skip acceleration is necessary.

My strategy has been to delay grade skip in braicks and mortar setting until my son would be in high school. This has a lot to do with the way they subject accelerate their middle school students into high school classes.

A young student in high school math is a lot different in my opinion than a Kindergartener with motor delays in 4th grade. Does that make sense?

My current opinion (in the middle of this journey with DS10) is in elementary grades to accerelate only the minimum amount to keep the child engaged. I think acceleration is most necessary - and most difficult - in elementary years. Don't feel like you need a long-term educational plan yet. Take it one semester at a time and pick whatever schooling option is the current best fit.

I am running short on time so can't go into detail re my ds' 2e experience, but I agree with sanne. Elementary school can be very frustrating for 2e kids because they have to struggle with both boredom and challenge. It's easy to want to focus only on the gifted e but it's really critical to be sure you're working to remediate the other e as much as possible and also get your child used to working with accommodations if they will need to use accommodations throughout their school career.

I also think it's interesting that sanne mentioned the difference between kindergarten and 4th grade... 4th grade was a very challenging place for my ds - up until that time, classroom demands were low enough that although he was frustrated and anxious over the challenges of his 2nd e, they weren't impacting his academic progress in a hugely noticeable way at that point in time. 4th grade was the academic year that he himself began realizing the impact his challenge had... and as much as I'd like to think that being intellectually gifted can make up for the other side of the challenge... even now as a senior in high school he's still dealing with a significant challenge. I don't say that to be discouraging, but mention it because I don't regret one minute we spent focusing on his challenge in elementary school and honestly wish we'd worked harder at it earlier. Life (school) was much easier for ds once he reached middle school due to choices opening up for subject acceleration etc (with the possible exception of having a challenge with organizing himself lol!). Academics were tracked once kids reached middle school, and with accommodations in place it was much easier to get him placement at the level he needed to be at rather than defined by his limitations.

Hope that helps!

polarbear

Indigo: I think on the topic of his delays - I want to say we had issues with gross/fine motor, but now we've seen a drastic improvement in those areas. When he was very little, he was a bumblebutt - to put it nicely. Wound up with goose eggs a lot and stitches once from a nasty once. The days of tripping over his own feet/coordination have thankfully gone away. Now it is more of his fine motor skills. I've been debating the benefits of a home computer, to help him with the skill of typing/navigating a computer mouse. I see it mostly when writing - he defaults to a younger grip, but when prompted, will write properly. Fortunately, a lot of the coordination and balance have come from weekly gymnastics. He had no issues navigating learning to tie his shoes this week by himself (showed him once, and he was doing it on his own). So I think the handwriting may just be a more comfortable position, but thankfully his teacher is aware and will remind him with a verbal cue.

Regarding his self-taught nature, I absolutely agree! It's a hard mix of him wanting to do it on his own verses having momma help him. He doesn't seem to appear to be this way with teachers, though, from his pre-k reports.

While DS's teacher is trying to find busy work - she's limited currently by state law. Unfortunately, GT seems to be on the slow train, so she wanted to circumvent all of the procedures in getting him something he could work on in class if he were to finish the lessons. From what I've gathered, since we don't know where exactly he lies ability wise, she's borrowing books from older grades to see if he can do the work on his own - to help us when we formally plan for our IEP meeting. I definitely won't advocate for alone work - but with the situation we have now - I'll take anything I can get until the school tests him.

I think I have been in denial over his abilities for the longest time. I knew he was different, even before he was fully talking. Ironically, social media pointed me back to a video of him from 2013 (a few months before he was 2) counting to 20. Even though a few of the letters he couldn't pronounce, he'd keep repeating one he could until he could say the next one "13 14 15 15 15 18 19 20" - but at the same time he was butchering the pronunciation of 6 (see) and 7 (sah-aw).

I've signed consent papers to have him tested, and I've reviewed the requirements for admission - and I have full intent to apply once that comes in. It may be months before I know anything, with the rate that everything is done here. If I hear back before the new year, I will honestly be surprised.

Thank you so much for the roundup posts. I will read into these tonight!


Sanne: Thank you kindly for your personal experience. I greatly appreciate the insight you've provided for me regarding elem vs older grades and how they approach this. For this beginning semester, I think I'm in the waiting game pattern. If the experience was anything like DD's, he won't have anything in place until Feb of next year. I definitely plan to take it a semester at a time, it's just so daunting with the prospect of myself going back to work soon (once DD3 starts school herself). I hope that I can juggle everything moving forward - I'm mostly by myself since my husband travels for work (we're on opposite coasts).


Polar: Thank you for checking in as well about your DS! I mentioned at the top of my post about DS handwriting hand position. That's our only issue now (when I was first posting, he was severely lacking gross and fine motor skills). Gymnastics has helped tremendously, and no one is concerned with gross motor. It's the pencil holding that he still struggles with remembering to hold the right way (no issues holding it, just a default to an incorrect, immature hold). We were really working on it this summer, and I let his teacher know to just remind him and he'll flip his pencil correctly. At home it's been less and less of an issue - but every once and a while it sneaks back in.


You all are so kind in sharing your experiences and offering your positive vibes & advice. I cannot thank you enough! :-)