Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional My son was unhappy at H.S. formal

My son's friends talked him into going to a formal dance this past weekend. He's a senior and never been to a school dance. Mostly his friends haven't gone before either.

Came home and the report was he can't see why the other kids enjoyed it. He liked getting together with his friends before the dance. But the dance itself was noisy, bad music, too packed, and boring. He doesn't mind dancing. But he said there was nothing else to do because his friends scattered and when you do fine them you can't have a conversation with your friends because the music is too loud.

This is the type of activity that neither I nor my husband care for either. Nor do I like noisy busy restaurants. Is this possibly another part of the ASD sensitivity to things. He doesn't have ASD but does have some characteristics, and has always been picky about scratchy clothes, sand on his feet.

He just found it odd that anyone would enjoy that type of situation. My guess is he won't be going to prom now.

If it's any consolation, I don't think it's that unusual to feel that way. My DD is still trying to decide about junior prom, but there's a good chance she and her friends will choose to do what they call "anti-prom"- basically, getting together on their own. It may involve dressing up or not, and will probably involve eating out, but otherwise it's doing things they enjoy together, where they can talk to each other, and not have to deal with all the annoying/hassle parts (and people) associated with prom. I think it takes some maturity and confidence to buck the tradition- there is a lot of pressure, both from peers and adults, too.

Personally, I went to my prom and senior ball, but in retrospect, would have been happier doing something else. Maybe now that he's seen what it is, he can make different (or more informed) choices, And honestly, you never know, kids change a lot during this time period- it's possible he might enjoy it next time!

Many long years ago, I attended junior and senior non-proms (no dancing at our very conservative HS!), which actually were much more fun than if there had been lots of loud music and dancing. No pressure to be with a date (important, since I'd had multiple grade skips, including senior year, and actually attended the senior event as a college freshman), and consisting mostly of talking with your friends, eating, and being dressed up. I do not think I would have enjoyed a traditional prom much.

Having worked in a high school for years, I am not convinced that quite as many NT adolescents enjoy a traditional prom as one might imagine. Like many traditional activities, some really enjoy it, some hate it, and many are essentially indifferent, but find sufficient enjoyment because they believe that they are supposed to do so.

Our high school found that only freshmen were going to the Homecoming dance, so they changed it up. (It's the only at-school dance we have). Now in addition to the dance, there is a philanthropic activity, games, more food, and student leaders really talked it up more. Still, my son who doesn't like too-noisy, too-crowded, too-bustling activities never went.

My older son did go to prom, three times! It was better because of they way it is run, including luxury tour buses to take them there and back, and the food is good.