Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy "Social Concerns" with Grade Acceleration

Hi everyone,

My DS is 9 years old, in the 4th grade at a small private school. Since the 2nd grade he has been "half skipping" - moving up to the next grade level for reading and math, and doing extremely well in all subjects. At the end of last year (3rd grade year) he approached us and said that he would prefer to complete the skip and move fully into 5th grade this year, rather than half 4th/half 5th.

We discussed with the school at the time, and were convinced that for the time being it was best to stick with the same approach, skipping for reading and math and staying with his class for social studies, english, etc. Due to the schedule at the school he ends up in the higher grade for spanish, computers and PE as well just to make the scheduling work as the kids move around throughout the day.

After the first quarter this year he mentioned the move again to complete the skip and we are discussing it again with the school. He has adjusted very well over the last couple years, most of his close friends that he spends the most time with throughout the day are now the higher grade, which is a new development this year. He is a very happy boy and absolutely loves school, he would spend all of his time doing school things if we would let him.

The main hesitation with the school seems to be social concerns, not currently as he is an accepted and active part of the social circle in the higher grade that he would be moving to, but hypothetically in future years, probably high school as his current school runs through 8th grade.

I have been searching the internet off and on here and there for months about this, and don't seem to find any clear evidence that a grade skip for an appropriate candidate would lead to any negative social consequences. Does anyone have any info that would contradict me on this? I understand that if he was having some severe emotional issues, had trouble making friends, etc., then it might not be a good idea, but none of these are the case at this point.

Personally my only concern with completing the skip is that it might ultimately lead to him asking for additional skip in the future, as he has already been skipping and scoring high A's in reading and math for years and I don't see social studies, etc. being much of a problem. If any social concerns ever pop up as he grows up we expect to deal with them as a family as we would anyway, as everyone has social challenges to some extent throughout adolescence.

I am trying to be as prepared as possible before talking to the school again and just wondering if anyone has any definite evidence of negative social consequences that I am missing.

Thanks in advance and sorry for being so wordy!

th

Saying no to a skip now because you don't want him to ask for another later sounds a bit like panicked thinking. Make the decision for now - anything could happen between now and later. I would ask him. Don't tell him he gets to decide just discuss it. Also does it mean he is moving to the top class in the school?

http://www.davidsongifted.org/Search-Database/entry/A10489

I would also recommend Gross's book, "Exceptionally Gifted Children."

I totally agree with this, and I wouldn't say no, we are all for the skip, it's just the only "challenge" I anticipate in the future as he is a voracious learner and I would anticipate that it will come up again.

He wouldn't move up to the top, as the school is K-8 so even with a skip he has 3 more years at that school.

Given that he's asking for the change and that he's socially accepted now, it seems the school is trying to "borrow trouble" where there likely is none. Could you or the school find some anecdotes that say otherwise? Sure. Same the other way.

I'd look at what the Belin Blank Center has in the way of reading material on this topic (Nation Deceived and Nation at Risk).

Your child is already mostly in the upper grade. I'd think it far simpler and happier for all to let him be fully in fifth. That stops making him a special case and lets him just be in his grade all the time.

FWIW (anecdotes of two), we have one 10 YO child who has been "half skipping" (two subjects, two grades up) for three years now. He doesn't want to leave his age friends, thus the reason to continue the status quo. YDS was subject accelerated one year during the start of the year and the teachers came to the recommendation it would be better to move him up fully. It is going quite well.

It's possible he still may need additional challenge, but already being in the higher grade may make that more feasible (example, when he gets to middle school, might be able to subject accelerate as needed more easily).

Two of my kids have multiple skips between them. They've also attended small private schools. The small school environment helps a lot.

For my kids, skips weren't a big deal at young ages. The fact that your son's close friends are in the higher grade would make a full skip a lot easier --- maybe even easier than staying a grade down (I don't know, as I don't know your situation). If he's asking for the skip, I'd say that's a strong positive.

Skips can feel awkward later, for a while. This is because older kids generally enter adolescence ahead of the skipped student. This factor can get played down, but it's real. That said, it's less dramatic with a one-year skip, unless the child is small for age or socially awkward. If a single-grade-skipped student who makes friends easily is a little bit tall and/or enters adolescence slightly early, people might not even know about the skip unless s/he tells them.

A good resource is the Iowa Acceleration Scale, which helps make an objective assessment about a grade skip.

I agree about not worrying about potential future skips. Worry about that problem if it comes up.

Overall, I advise that you think about what will work best for your son, while using objective information to help you. Some people are very pro-skip and will advise you to go ahead. Others have the opposite opinion and will foretell doom if you let your son skip. None of those people know your son the way you, your spouse/partner, and your son do. The challenge is to find a path to objectivity and make a decision that will work best for your son's individual situation.

Thanks for all the great replies everyone. I think my wife and I (after many discussions with our son) have decided a while ago that we feel completing the skip is best, but on our first attempt we allowed ourselves to be talked out of it by the administration at the school. We plan to be a bit more firm with our ideas this time around barring any specific information related to our son that we have not been made aware of previously (I don't think any will come up). The things that have been mentioned previously mainly revolve around "socially awkward scenarios in high school" that might result from his skipping now, but we feel like holding him back from where he is asking to go (all of this was initiated by DS, not us) for 3-4 years in order to avoid a hypothetical situation that may or may not occur in 5+ years is less than ideal. We have a very tight family unit and would deal with any such issues as needed.

Size wise, he just had a check up and is roughly 75th percentile both height and weight for his age. He used to seem small compared to some of his classmates but is fitting closer now after some growth in the last year. Some of the higher grade students are still quite a bit taller than him, but he is 9 and some of the 5th graders are 11 already so there is quite an age difference in some cases.

I really appreciate all the great info in this forum. Thank you all so much!

Thanks. Sports is another thing that has come up, but I don't think that is going to be an issue for us. He did 2 seasons of soccer and 1 season of baseball, and it is time to sign up again for baseball. He really improved and was doing well by the end of last season, but he told us he would really rather not do the sports because its just not his thing. Took some teeth pulling to get him to admit that, I think he was leaning towards just playing because he knew we enjoyed it. He's actually an aspiring chef, and would rather focus on trying new recipes and techniques than the sports stuff. (Lucky for us, we get a lot of good meals out of his experiments)

The driving thing will be an issue, with the full skip he wouldn't get is license until senior year, but we discussed it with him. Not that he can fully grasp that right now as far as how it will feel when his friends can drive and he can't, but in the scheme of things it doesn't feel like a reason to hold him back.

Kids don't have the same interest in driving today. As an anecdote, my eldest has been old enough to drive for a year and is showing no interest. The other day, he and a small group of his (senior class) friends wanted to go to a cafe, and they took the bus because none of them had a license.

Here's non-anecdotal evidence: Teens are less interested in driving

This link was just the first one that came up in a web search. There were lots of similar news stories.

Either way, if the trend continues, your son likely won't be the only kid in 11th grade without a license.

I agree that it's not a reason to hold him back in any event.