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So, I am frustrated and unsure. I will try to summarize. My son (12) was in public school until this year. He is ADHD inattentive type only and dyslexic (no meds). Grades at fluctuate. IQ was at one point 134 (GAI)but lower in more recent test.
This year we put him into a cooperative homeschooling program. He goes 2x a week from 8 am to 3 pm. He stays home the other days. He is taking 8 classes.I think I registered him for too many. When home he is pretty much studying all the time due to the amount of work and the fact that he takes longer to do things.
Next school year I want to put him in less classes.
I got a phone call from one of his teacher today. She is complaining of his behavior in class (2 hours a week only). She says that he fidgets and plays with things (E.g. notebook, eraser, glasses, etc). Yesterday he was fidgeting with something and when she asked him to put it away he asked her why. She did not like this. She feels that at times in class he is combative. For instance he tells her that he knows how to do some things in his head instead of writing it down. I talked to him after she called me. He does not like her. He feels she wants to assert her power over him.
He also says that he is bored in her class because he already knows this subject.
Here is the issue I am having- I want him to be respectful to teachers but I do thing that this teacher tends to be inflexible. My son does gets distracted easily and he does not do well with rigid teachers. It is not a good fit. He says that he knows the subject but his tests and homework do not reflect that. At this point my option is to remove him from this class or let him stay in the class. I am not sure of the right decision. I want him to learn to work with others especially those that he does not like. We all have bosses that we have to learn to work with so I think this would be a good life skill to learn. On the other hand, I am aware of his difficulties (and emotional temper) so I am unsure of the right approach. When I talked to him it was clear that he does not respect this teacher approach to things so I am concerned that this issue will continue the rest of the year.
Thoughts? Suggestions?

Is there a way you can compromise with the teacher? I think it's unreasonable to ask anyone to sit still and pay attention; if he has something to fidget with that doesn't bother others, I would ask her to accommodate that and I think it would be unreasonable for her not to.

I'm 30 and fidget all the time.

That said, I don't think you should pull him. He's old enough to learn to respect his teachers, and I think that you can advocate for his needs while still teaching him that he has to show his work because it's part of the class. He has to respect others. Pulling him teaches him that he has to power to exert over others.

I would not pull a child from a class unless I felt there were egregious behaviors on the part of the teacher.

you are right, it probably isn't a good fit. But he wont always have that, either. Teach your child to be better, even if it's painful... don't enable petulance.

So this may or may not be relevant, but I'd be sure to look at this a bit sideways - are you sure this is all about the teacher, or is some of it potentially LDs not successfully accommodated?


8 classes is a lot of classes, but he's only attending class 2 days per week. Have you asked how much time outside of the in-class days the teachers expect students to be studying? If he's spending a significantly longer amount of time per class at home, chances are either his dyslexia or ADHD are getting in the way of his ability to be successful in the class (he may be getting great grades, but look at the amount of time it's taking him to complete the work assigned). Is he using any accommodation such as text-to-voice, audio textbooks, limiting the amount of repeated work required etc? The one thing I see happen a lot with my 2e kids is that what looks like frustration with a class is sometimes frustration with dealing with their 2nd e, and when you resolve that issue the other issues with the class disappear.



I have two 2e kids with two very different personalities. one of my 2e kids tells me this all the time - she knows the subject. Sometimes she does, but has trouble showing her knowledge due to lack of appropriate accommodations. Other times, she just simply doesn't want to deal with the amount of work it would take (reading) to keep up... and she also doesn't want to admit that she has a tough time with reading. She can get by quite easily much of the time by bluffing, and as she's gotten older it's become a habit that's deeply ingrained... but around middle school time the work started catching up with her in a way that made bluffing much more difficult to pull off. There's also a chance that your ds has lower grades on assignments and tests than you'd expect if he's having trouble processing the instructions/etc when he reads them- my dd has had years of reading tutoring and was exited with flying colors, but when I spend time with her and specifically ask her to explain what she's read to me on things like simply one-line questions - she often reads too quickly and makes a guess as to the meaning rather than slowing down and carefully reading it, and you can easily see the impact on her schoolwork.


If you haven't already talked to the teacher about accommodations, I'd start there.

Best wishes,

polarbear

Thanks guys! You are wonderful. My mom heart had a tough day today. You guys helped!