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Change the she to a he above and you have duplicated my son in his preschool/daycare program. Shortly after turning 4 he became such a behavior problem at school. He had become agressive towards his teachers and his peers. I should have listened to him when he told me that he hated going to daycare. Only a few short weeks after moving him to a new school the behaviors disappeared. I wish I hadn't waited so long to make the change. I endured 9 months of daily bad reports from my son's teachers. I will never do that again.

Once again I appreciate all the stories, because it is those perspectives that the majority of people around us do not seem to be aware of or understand. We are planning today what to do tommorrow and on down the road. Our decision for now is reaffirmed with what he said this morning. While eating breakfeast this morning he said, I'm sad today. I asked him if he knew what was making him sad. He said, because of Mrs. >>>(his teacher). He tells me that she is "cross" with him and yells about how it isn't playtime, but then she takes us to the playground (mixed message?). He continues to go on about all the things she tells the students not to do, and how he is sitting on a bench alone. I have heard her LOUDLY say "It isn't playtime get a book and sit down on the rug." Personally I read into this message, because what a way to start of killing a love of books. Some kids think of reading as play. However, or son sees most play and calls it his work, but is intense, focused, and perpetually seeking learning oppurtunities
We are trying, process started last week, to get into a group of psychologists and developmental ped, so we can approach it from that angle. We want to understand if there is anything else we are unaware of and how to help him the most. It is all about helping , understanding, and working with him.
We have had someone suggest that we might look into asperger's, OCD, and/or ADHD because of some behaviors. It just seems that there can be definite overlap in some of his behaviors with these disorders, however his behaviors can be strictly GT as well. It does not matter to me. My son is my son and he is who he is, you just want to understand.
One thought is the idea of going back for at least one more day for observation. I don't know the damage that could cause, if we would gain much, or if he would behave to differently. Obviously I would watch his behavior, the teachers, the other students, and the interactions between the individuals. Maybe I could see something that is not working for him, so we don't repeat our mistakes. I completly agree with Master Of None. We must keep looking, learning, and trying to understand.

Right there is perfectly good and reasonable comment to justify homeschooling. I also have a similar story with Pre-k and K as you and the others. I thought that I would be sending a bad message by pulling her out repetetively. And that she had to learn to adjust to a situation that was not perfect or totally optimum. I still feel that way, but have learned that a full day at school was an innapropriate environment to have her learn this. I should have pulled her earlier and provided these opportunites in other venues. Whatever you decide, good luck.
Even with the damage that was done to youngest over two years, she is in front of me right now acting like her total litte self and very happy. I don't see any long term negative effects, per se, I think the kids are so resillient at this age. A calm decision is always better than one made out of fear and panic.

Neato

Thanks. I think I am somewhat overwhelmed with the concept of homeschooling. Part of me believes he would thrive, but I know at a certain point I will need greater resources. I feel like you get things together and ah hah I've done it. I'm ahead for a minuter and then not so quick mom, and it is time to start digging again. It would allow catering to his style more, he seems very visual-spatial. He loves learning through manipulation, discovery, and investigation. It is like he is in a trance if something is new and it is on the TV or the computer. He tries to memorize and learning it as fast as possible, so he can repeat it all back to you. The computer is a majors tool in our home, since it works so well for him.
It seems the younger age group can be more difficult with options sometimes. When he is closer to 4th grade, so many more external options open up it seems. I'm sure some agree the library is a tremendous help. I know I suck everything out of it possible.

Hi AM,

When I was moved from an accelerated program in Montessori where I was with grades 4-7 back to public school in 2d grade, I was much the same way. The teacher told my mom I was "incorrigible.".

Things escalated on both sides. The final straw for everyone was when one day I was put in detention and instead of staying there, I walked out of school and walked home. Heh. The school went frantic looking for me.

The solution was to let me read by myself in class on whatever I wanted as long as I took the tests with everyone and was quiet. Not the best solution. But a solution. Now as I look back, I can see that my mom dreaded the school calling!!!

Your son is very strong willed, has initiative, and and is very inventive. No doubt he will come up with something similar to the above with the same kind of emotional impact on all involved. He sounds like a wonderful kid.

Good luck!!!

AM -

I hope that you can look into Montessori. When my son was 2.5 we pulled him out of an "academic" preschool/day care and put him in a Montessori. It has worked out really well the last year and a half.

The preschool/day care didn't get him. I would say, "he is having conversations with adults and his classmates don't use full sentences yet." They wouldn't put him with the threes because he wasn't potty trained. bah!

At the Montessori his best friends are the kids 6 -18 months older. He is thriving there being as verbal as he wants to be, going at his own pace.

good luck!

- EW

I won't get into the Montessori debate--we've had it here enough times that you can search for it and read what's been said in the past.

I'll just say that the usual conclusion that the majority comes to here is that the *individual* teacher and school and *whether they get your child or not* makes a lot more difference that having the label of any particular method, including Montessori. Some Montessori schools are fantastic! Some are just as rigid and difficult as the place you're at now, AM. The only way to tell if it will be a good fit for your child is to visit and ask questions. And even then, you can't always tell.

Definitely look at Montessori, but I'd say you should look at other programs, too, if you're intending to switch programs. A play-based half-day program at a church or other private provider can be a great fit, too...depending on the *individual* teacher and school and *whether they get your child or not*, of course! That's always what it comes down to!

As previous posters have said, it is very validating for a child - no matter what their age - to come to their parent(s) with concerns and be taken seriously.

Another personal story: Our DS8 endured public school until he just couldn't anymore - 2 days after returning from winter break he finally verbalized it. And he was right, absolutely right. As it happened, he only had one more day in the situation before we pulled him out - to homeschool/alternative public school. And our DS changed back to his loving, excited, enthusiastic, self-directed learning personality.

What a tough situation! I'm not sure I'd be pulling my ds after only a week ... but I can't say I *wouldn't* be either. If there's a clear mismatch and you know it right away, no point making the kid suffer.

I wanted to put a word in for Montessori. My ds6 entered Montessori Early Childhood when he was 4y3m (switch from normal "daycare") and absolutely thrived there. He entered reading fairly simple books (Dr. Seuss and the like) and 8 months later he was at a mid-third grade level. He was allowed to do higher place value in math (he was at 10,000s when he left at 5y1m) and start learning multiplication. So he certainly wasn't being held back, and being allowed to push forward at his own pace -- something that wouldn't have happened in a standard setting.

Obviously, this isn't all due to the school -- but it *was* in part due to the opportunity to explore during the day. It was play in his eyes, but directed, goal-setting play.

And my favorite part about it was that there was focus on self-help and independence; my ds is an only child and gets a *lot* of coddling at home. And there was a strong focus on interpersonal skills -- peer teaching, group problem solving, etc. So not only was he growing academically, but he was growing personally and learning to make connections with other kids.

Obviously, Montessori isn't the only way to go ... but it is a great philosophy to look in to with a young gifted kid. And obviously, what Kriston said. All Montessori schools, like all private schools and all public schools and *all* schools, are only as good as their teachers and administrators. Go on a few observation days.

You may also want to look at gifted schools in your area. We're switching to a private gifted school after a disastrous year in public K. At the new school, the kids are divided into groups of 3 or 4 for core subjects based on ability, but have age-appropriate, two-year homerooms for gym, art, music, and writing (ds will be in a 1st/2nd split room this year). I love that they separate reading and writing, so a kid who writes like a 5yo but reads like a 10yo is able to progress in *both* those skills independently. I know my ds's school has a preK program ... maybe there's something like that near you?

Good luck! I hope your poor ds isn't too traumatized.