Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Fear of outdoor activities!

Thanks for your perspective, Ocelot. I must confess that the possibility hadn't even occurred to me. But yes, if that ends up being the case, I guess we'll accept it (and him!) and work around it. We've accepted that he isn't into team sports (at least not at this point), but that one was much easier for us. He does love nature though, so I'm hopeful. In fact, he once said that it was his "greatest wish" to go to a rainforest one day.

Thanks for the great suggestions, Chay! We've tried a few of those but I'm looking forward to some more experimenting...

RRD, you've received great suggestions already, so I have just one thing to add. My family is very active and enjoys the out of doors immensely. My kids are older than yours now, and we live in huge wild animal country When my kids were younger, one of my dds in particular was freaked out by two of the types of large animals that live around here (and sometimes show up in our yard).

Have you talked to your ds to attempt to figure out the source of his fears? Is it just a general childhood fear, or is it possible he's heard reports of people being injured by bears? Or do kids where you live get instructions on what to do if lost in the woods or how to react if they encounter a bear? Does your family wear bear bells or purposely make noise when skiing or hiking in bear country? Have you seen bears etc on trails when you've been out together? These were all things that helped lead to my dd being completely freaked out - but if you know that they've scared your child you can talk about it and turn the conversation around to how to prepare and avoid trouble with bears.

My other small piece of advice is patience. I had no idea at your ds' age what my childrens' favorite activities would be that would take them into their teens and adult years, but fwiw, the one that turned into an avid skier and mountain biker is also the kid who was scared to death of the big wild animals. She is still scared silly by them, but she loves to bike and ski so much that while she's actively doing so, she doesn't worry about the other. It took a few more years than where you're at though, with a lot of talks about the logic of her fears, how to protect herself, and the relative risk of injury from a wild animal, for her to get to that point. If we'd pushed her, I think it might have backfired.

One thing that may have helped was that she participated in local children's groups for both skiing and mountain biking (groups that were very large - over 100 kids in each, skiing and biking 2-3 times per week). What was scary with our family was a bit less scary when shared with lots of people she didn't know as well and with other kids she did know who she knew she'd have fun with She *did* run into large wild animals on several occasions over the years with these groups, but didn't freak out in response, and learned how to deal with the situations through having adults other than mom and dad lead her and the group of kids through what to do.

Best wishes,

polarbear

I'm back to this one because I had to come back and read some of the encouragement... DS6 is now afraid of ANTS. You heard it folks, ants. Just when I think it's getting better, he comes up with the ants.

Polarbear, I had missed your response. I think ultimately, it's not really anything in particular relating to bears. If it weren't bears, it would be ants. Or getting lost. Or a meteorite hitting the planet. Or a freak tornado. Or the sun going supernova. Or drowning. Or volcanoes. Yes, he usually has a few fears going at once. Although bears are usually a favourite. We were at a cottage this weekend and he whispered to me that he was worried about ants because he heard that fire ant bites really hurt and bears, because we were being too quiet to scare away the bears.

I guess it could be related to OEs? After all, he also cried for at least an hour because he was devastated that he had to leave his new goose friend behind. He now feels that the goose is sort of our pet because it spent the whole weekend hanging around the dock. He is now in love with the goose.

Anyone else feeling exhausted because of their DC lately?

Yes. I am exhausted by mine.

I have read some of your previous posts and your son sounds eerily similar to my DD7. She has mellowed out a little this year. We did have her in therapy for a while, mostly after she was exhibiting some germaphobia and laying in bed sobbing about the possibility of hand sanitizer killing all of the good germs that her body needed. Oy.

She read a book from the library about the Loch Ness monster and decided she didn't want to vacation by the local lake this summer. She has since agreed to vacation by another lake, though, with no mention of any monsters. She is willing to hike and canoe and camp, but I know she'd be nowhere near ready for skiing. Swim lessons have been really tough for us (maybe I put it off too long, but I've been picking my battles for years.) She has stuck with the swimming though, and I make sure to praise her tenacity and when she overcomes the fear of trying.

Anyway, you are not alone. And it's nice to hear that I'm not.

It really is very comforting to know.

And it's not just the fears with DS6, it's also the general intensity and the stuff that pops up, seemingly out of nowhere. Lately, he has taken to getting attached to every object he has ever owned. He has actually asked that we keep dried out markers and worn-out shoes as "souvenirs" because he can't bear to part with them. Has anyone else ever dealt with that one? I can see hoarding problems in his future if we don't deal with that one soon...

Thing is, we don't even have a diagnosis of giftedness yet! Where does he fall if he has the OEs but isn't gifted? Do we look into anxiety and OCD and ADHD and ???

Packaging, tags, old clothes, every page ever scribbled on..... oh yeah.

Surreptitious dumping is your friend. Just make sure the recycling truck has been by before the kids come home from school! Mine did slowly outgrow this - well the extremes of it anyways. But when his grandfather was invited to a bowling fundraiser and immediately pulled out the bowling shoes he'd last worn at 18, well, I knew I didn't stand a chance.

The biggest help for me when when my children acquired much younger cousins. Getting rid of anything was anathema, but sharing it with the younger cousins was a delight. Got any siblings you can put on the job?!

Sadly, DH and I are the last to have kids so ours are the youngest. Worse yet, DS wants to keep the stuff to pass along to his own future children!!

As for the recycling truck, I can only use that option selectively. Once he has paid more than passing attention to the fact that an item should be kept as a souvenir, he will NOT forget its existence and will ask for it from time to time. Sigh.

I saw this quote once, "Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throwing away anything, EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a Mexican drug lord."

My husband and I now whisper "M.D.L." to each other about anything that we are going to have to smuggle out of the house after DD goes to sleep.

This is such a beautiful thought! And so eloquently expressed. The concept of keeping the value of something intact when it may no longer serve our own current personal needs is great for character development.

In regard to the OP's dilemma of having a younger son ready to try new activities and an elder son who tends to panic when new things are introduced, have you tried familiarizing him with new activities, places, and concepts by reading about them in books, watching videos, etc?