Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Hot housing?

I am just really curious about other's opinions about this...I have a local mom's group in my town and a mom from that group has contacted me because I had posted some things about gifted resources and has been asking me for help/resources....she is convinced that she is out of resources to help her daughter (who I think is like 2 years old), she refuses to check out books from the library because she has to "prescreen" all of them for her daughter because she doesn't like the content of them, she said she is out of money to keep purchasing materials for her daughter to use, the list goes on.....and she sent me this link to a ton of videos she has made showing her daughter do all of these things....I have no idea, but after watching them, I was a little disturbed...I don't know if it is because it seemed that such an emphasis was placed on this little girl to perform for the camera...and why is mom videotaping all of this? Was curious what ya'lls opinion was? I asked her if she had done any research online about giftedness or joined any groups and she has not. Here is the link

www.youtube.com/ladyxeona

The little girl seems happy and playful...I don't know. I doesn't look too insidious to me.

Maybe she makes the videos for out of town relatives.

It's too bad if she thinks she has to buy a bunch of stuff. There are plenty of enriching activities and games she can do for free.

I try really hard not to judge other parents because I know what it's like to be on the receiving end of the judgements of people who don't understand my family.

I'm definitely far more troubled by the notion that she's "out" of resources than I am by the videos, which just look like home videos of a bright kid, particularly of a first child. (Frankly, we have plenty of videos like this, though I never called either of my DSs a "baby" at 28+ months. But otherwise, I don't see anything particularly insidious either. Just a parent amazed at what a child can do. Even parents of ND kids tend to have a lot of these little performances on tape, in my experience.)

But the fact that she's out of resources? Already?

I mean, she has to prescreen library books? Well so what? If THAT'S a hardship, then no wonder she's having trouble! That's about as low-stress as it gets! I assume that means that driving the child all over town to lessons and talking about subjects mom doesn't love are right out then, eh?

:p

If she wants resources, then she's going to have to either a) spend time, or b) spend money. There's sort of no way around it.

I agree. The videos don't look too bad, even though I'd choose not to post them to youtube. (Granted, although we have tons of videos, I only ever made one that was specifically for documenting DS's abilities.)

It's surprising how much DW gets by just by talking with our 2 x DS. Or how much life we get out of a $9 set of plastic math blocks. Or just writing things on paper and talking. Even a PG child at 2 would have a lot to experience that wouldn't require purchasing anything... one would think.

But as far as the videos go--not the choice I'd make. I'd choose to be less public.

JB

Thanks guys for the opinions - I know how hard it already is to have a gifted child and the last thing i want to do is pass judgement at all...I just couldn't figure out why i was so bothered...she also informed the group that she has her daughter involved in these activities at home "she does ballet, gymnastics, yoga, belly dancing, basketball, tennis, hip hop dance, painting, drawing, singing,....". She has tried to buy everything she can to help enrich her daughter at home but we (on the parent board) are trying to let her know that there are hundreds of activities/things she can make/do with her daughter to help stimulate/enrich her without having to spend a fortune. There are so many possibilities - she has also stated she has contacted over 50 professionals, psychologists, colleges....to look for help in testing, getting her daughter enrichment and she said not a single person/place was able to offer any help...which I find really difficult to believe? I will just pass on the Hoagie's info and hope that she is able to help her daughter. Thanks

I guess it all depends upon how one defines "help." I think she's dismissing a lot of things that the rest of us would call "help" without even considering them. When she's waved away the entire library, I have to admit that I don't know what kind of "help" she is looking for...

Maybe this is closeted bragging? Members of a playgroup I was in used to do that: "complain" about their kids and how hard they were to deal with as a way of saying "Look at how advanced my child is," since complaining is less socially unacceptable than bragging.

It always got on my nerves. But maybe that explains why she won't take any help. Perhaps she doesn't really want help!

Well I looked at a couple of those videos, and she is obviously a bright little girl. But I had kids who did similar things at similar ages and I never even gave GT issues a second thought. If she's home with her full time, I'd just follow the little girl's lead and interests. If she's a happy kid, I wouldn't worry about it too much until she's looking at a full time school or daycare situation. She sounds a little overwrought over the situation. I always gave my kids free range on the library. Kid's section anyway, but even adult materials if they were interested.

I have to admit I have a couple videos of DS on you tube for grandparents and a couple relatives (nothing approaching this level! A couple piano recitals). I just discovered you can make them private! Hooray. It is a nice vehicle to share videos with distant friends and relatives without mailing them a huge file.

I can't imagine dismissing the library as a viable resource! There's no way we could have afforded the wealth of knowledge that we've been exposed to by borrowing books (and movies and CDs and DVDs and classroom resource kits). And I'm not sure how having to screen the books keeps you from borrowing them, unless I'm just not understanding what she means. Going to the library doesn't take anymore time or effort than going to a book store.

But, the videos didn't disturb me- her daughter is cute as can be! DD23mo was watching with me and saw the little girl writing and she got really excited "That girl's drawing circles!" I told her she was writing her name and that they were about the same age and she just looked completely in awe and said "Oh!"

I'm not sure you can hot house to that extent if the child isn't actually gifted. DD6 gave her the thumbs up!

It does seem a little braggy. Perhaps she is just insecure? I can relate coming from such a gifted denial family!

DD8 spooked me when she was an infant a few times because some of the things she did were so unusual for the age. I admit to calling a gifted psych. myself to ask questions about what she was doing. He was very kind and said that, yes, it sounded very unusual. Then explained about the testing process and how it's really hard to determine anything before 4 or 5. He was very kind, I'm sure I sounded like a nutcase, though!

You guys always have the best way to describe things :-) I think I am just being thrown by some of her comments...she shared that her daughter, "speaks conversational english,
over 200 words in american sign language, around 50 in mandarin chinese, some french, and is learning spanish because her fathers side speaks spanish. the only reason she doesnt know more words in these foreign languages is because of my limited funds for supplying her with the additional educational material.
...which I don't understand...why in the world would you need to purchase materials to teach her words in another language?

Then she went on and basically explained that she no longer uses the library as an avenue for getting books because she didn't have time to preview all of them - other moms had given her ideas about letting her child explore other countries or topics of interest and that there are amazing books at the library for sharing info and her response was...."the books at the library are not an option. i dont mind incurring the prices of books for her to add to her personal collection. i have to review all her materials before presenting them to her. in one of her hooked on phonics books they have a gun and knives on one of the pages- i placed stickers over those items since it was only on one page. it is difficult finding books she is interested in and that is appropriate- so i purchase them when i find them! dvds are the best way to give her an insight to other countries besides going there.

Others asked about having her child in with other children for some of the day so she can interact with others and she replied that she didn't like her child around other children her age and she wrote that her daughter, "needs 1st grade. she does not fit in with other 2 year olds and is only brought to tears by their normal behaviors. the average 2 year old says mine, grabs, hits, some bite. (she has never done any of this due to my method of guidance. she does not understand why other kids do it and takes it personal.) when the other kids hit or grab toys her little heart breaks. she doesnt understand why her "friends" as she calls everyone would hit her, or grab toys from her..... she then had her daughter placed in an older classroom but pulled her when the teachers served "sugar water" and cookies...I guess I am just amazed to hear a parent say that they have reached the end of their resources and her daughter is only 2 when they are SO many amazing things out there...oh well - thanks for the input!

It sounds like she's got a wee bit of a control issue, doesn't it?

Hopefully she'll outgrow it as her child gets older.

Oh my Belle, the videos didn't bother me (I saw only 2), but your description did. It sounds like the mother has quite a few problems herself. Is she trying to proof something to herself? Yes, she is bragging to the extreme and pretty much telling everybody that no other child is worth her own.

I would actually say that she did some reading about gt kids. The part about her daughter needing 1st graders points that way.

I hope she doesn't put too much pressure on her daughter. I feel some parents can get all wrapped in IQ scores, testing, school applications, being better, smarter and learning all that time that it becomes their major concern and goal. They forget that following the child lead especially at this age is the best thing to do and if the kid wants to play with dolls and do nothing else for two weeks then it's fine.

Hmmmm. Even though DS was mystified by some other kids' behaviors at age 2, I didn't isolate him. I think it's important for kids to learn how to deal with other people. Even people who are not always nice.

I also hate people feeding my kids junk food, but I haven't pulled them from school, I just ask people to stop giving my kids junk...

Wait a minute. I think I see a pattern here...maybe she thinks that if people don't live up to your expectations the thing to do is just give up and leave. Sounds kind of lonely, especially if you have such high standards

I agree with other posters on the videos being benign. But I do think it's ridiculous to say that a two year old has run out of resources.

Belle's description has me thinking that the child's mother is looking for publicity and perhaps money. We're all aware of the risks of media exposure and the nastiness that can accompany it, even if an interview or article is positive, it will bring negative comments and accusations. Maybe you could pass that on to your friend, Belle- once her daughter's name is out there, it will give the crazies free reign.

Ooooh! Good point, Lorel!

Oh, I so hope that's not what she's after! I thought she just wanted attention from people she knew, but I can totally see it going the route you're describing...

Oh, now I feel sad for the kid. *sigh* I hope that's not what's going on.

Hey, Belle, have you asked her straight out, "What are you looking for? I'd like to help, but I'm not sure I understand what exactly you're trying to find. Can you point me in the right direction?"

Maybe you can get a better idea of what she's thinking then?

That's a good way to phrase it. I do think parenting a young GT/HG/PG child can be anxiety provoking, right?

Perhaps anxiety is manifesting itself this way. I think knowing a few parents and kids in the same situation can go a long way with making all this easier.

I saw the one video, I thought she's a cute little kid, but is she really doing anything exceptional?

Then I read this a couple posts back:
hehehehe, I hope she wakes up soon; that dream will eventually end and the sooner the better so mom is prepared for reality!

LOL! Ah, so right, OHG! I'm still chuckling over your post.

LOL OHG! Isn't that the truth! I remember being in that bubble for a (very) short period of time with my perfect (ha!) first child. (under my perfect guidance, no doubt.)

Oh, my. KG was doing similar things at a similar age (and more), but I wasn't thinking much of it at the time -- if anything, I was *censoring* myself on my birth board so that others wouldn't feel bad! I didn't think it was all that unusual, tbh, and wasn't exactly out of resources ... I'd just hand him my cell phone and tell him we were leaving the park in 5 minutes, and he'd figure out when that would be, LOL! No pricey resource there.

I feel bad for the little girl ... The mother sounds like she has some serious insecurity issues. However, the little one is clearly quite bright. I hope everything works out for them ... Honestly, I'd worry about the kid getting a "better than thou" attitude with all the exposure. Sad to say, but I do wonder if the mom is looking to be the next guess on Letterman ...

This was my reaction as well. I absolutely censor myself when posting on my birth board about G and his development and I actively discourage friends who "know" about G to discuss it either. I am not at all interested in the spotlight for him. Challenged, active, happy, for sure. Famous? Well known? Not so much.

Like Mia, we incorporate our daily lives and routines into all sorts of learning situations. We do math with the clock, figuring out how many minutes until we do something or arrive somewhere. He reads me instructions on packages as I cook. We talk about directions, street names, distances while in the car. And I fully utilize our library and the wonderful men and women who work there. They have pointed me in directions I would never have thought of on my own.

As for videos, I have taken some, surreptitiously, of G in his normal course of play. They are for record keeping and use in the future for evaluation purposes. They are certainly not for general consumption.