I have this terrible vision of my boy in years to come lying on the therapist's bed (does that really happen?) revealing how he was perfectly happy until his neurotic mother sowed the seeds of discontent. And then there's other terrible vision of the scarred child forced to struggle on through a harsh school world by the mother who didn't care enough. A couple of people have assured me that he needs to learn how to cope with school difficulties and shouldn't be mollycoddled. Well yes, I can see the point, but shouldn't they be a little older before you send them out into the world to develop a stiff upper lip?
Ah, I so identify with you here! Threading the needle between not taking enough care and being a helicopter mom is so hard!
If it helps, I'd recommend letting go of the worry about your son on the therapist's couch. You're doing your best and that's all you can do. From what I've read and experienced, if you're trying, if you're doing your best, then that alone is often enough to protect your child from a lot of the damage. Even if your tries don't work--even fail miserably!--at least you're in there swinging, and that's what kids need to see so they feel loved, understood and supported.
So mark that one off your guilt list, okay!?!
As for the age at which to send kids off to develop the stiff upper lip...I've posted about this before, so I won't go on and on, but I am usually a "suck it up and deal" sort of mom. I detest drama and I don't coddle my kids. Generally speaking, people who have given me "the look" have given it to me because I am not sympathetic enough to my kids, not because I'm babying them.
Then DS7 hit school trouble, and he had the same sorts of emotional drama as your child, and it was cropping up in a big way. As he is not a child usually prone to emotional outbursts, I realized pretty quickly that I had to rethink my position in that instance. It was clear to me that school wasn't good for him, and I am confident that I'm not a hovering, overprotective parent for taking him out of that situation. Just because I'm his teacher now doesn't mean that he's glued to my side. Heck, he's a lot more independent than his neighborhood friends whose moms won't let them out of their sight.
I guess what I'm saying is that there's definitely a middle ground between "suck it up and deal" and hovering. Trust your gut. If you think school is a problem, then it probably is. And you're not being overprotective if you do something about it.
Honest!
