Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy New Here?

I noticed a lot or new names that have joined recently. What Gifted Issues are you facing? How did you find this forum? What do you want to hear more about?

Welcome,
Trinity

I'm very new here although I was active in the past on the baby center gifted board. My son is newly 8.

The biggest issue I am facing is trying to find ways to support my son while at the same time not undermining the school's positions. He is not a poster child for a school gifted program. He generally refuses to do his work accurately or neatly. He could care less about pleasing the teachers and sees no reason to spend most of his day in school since it is BORING!

He has been independently tested twice as profoundly gifted once at 4 and again at 7 but due to his school performance is not a candidate for the gifted program. (Not that a pull out would work anyway. He would never do the double work.) He has terrible asynchronous development issues and has been diagnosed as 2x SPD (sensory seeker type.) He is not a candidate for acceleration due to his lack of emotional and social maturity.

He is currently in a private school but lacks interaction with both age and skill peers.

Reading these threads has helped me to see that many of the steps we are taking now are ones that others have tried with apparent success or at least not noticable harm. I look forward to learning more about your issues and what has worked and not worked for the rest of you as we try to take things a day or a month at a time right now.

Hi Elh0706,

Welcome! Wow - it sounds like we have gone down a similar path, although my son was able to fight he way to the point where he was ready for an acceleration by age 10.

He was helped by some of the things at his old school -
1) 2 years of a friendship club, run by the school psychologist
2) 6 months of OT, both private half hours once a week, and twice weekly small group at his public school.
3) Starting a musical instrument
4) gifted summer camp
5) hanging out with other gifted children, who we met through Davidson's YSP
6) Learning to Type!

My son was also a "no extra work" kind of kid. I think a lot of it was a totally broken heart. Is homeschool or a more responsive private school on you radar? I have heard of private schools where each child attends each subject at their challenge level. I agree that the pull-out program doesn't sound like a good resource for your son.

I didn't follow your meaning on: He is currently in a private school but lacks interaction with both age and skill peers.

Is he in a solo classroom?

Advice: Is there One subject that he could do single subject acceleration in? or opt out of the school program and do an individual project instead?

Who are your favorite Experts? What are you reading?

Best Wishes,
Trinity

I have been to this site dozens of times over the last two months, and finally decided to join. I have two boys, R is 7 and recently identified as gifted, and soaring academically. J is 9, and also a straight A student, and although J technically meets the criteris for "gifted", he is underachieving big time. We are struggling with how to handle how different the boys are. R was recently given the option of moving up a grade, which we declined (he is in 2nd), only because we are moving in a few months anyway. The move gives us the opportunity to reinvent our school situation. We think we are moving to Fairfax County, Va (military), where R will qualify for the highly gifted level 4 service...anybody familiar with this program? Words of advice? J is our social, well adjusted one, who is very easily influenced by those around him...So do we go public school (level 3) or private (which we are in now). The private school, has done well by both of them so far, but even the principal sees that the boys have outgrown what they can offer. They are supplementing R, and doing a great job, but even if we were not moving, it would be time to re-evaluate....any input on parenting two completely different, but both gifted kids would be appreciated...frankly just knowing I am not alone in my worries, would be great...

Hi Cricket,

Welcome! Isn't it strange to suddenly come upon a resource that one never imagined could exist?
I'm glad that we fit "well enough" to inspire you to join in the conversation.

Can you say more about J, and what clues you get that he is "underachieving." That word covers a lot of territory!

Good luck with the move, I know that that will be tough on all of you. Perhaps the stress will be an opportunity for J to turn more familyward and inward, in a good way?

I don't know about the levels or the local schools, but I wonder why J would not qualify for the level 4 service, with his straight As?

Will the military connect you with families who have children of similar age and ability in Fairfax County who could give local information and also serve as a role model for J?

Have you make contact with Virginia's Gifted Association? http://www.vagifted.org/

I wish you all the best,
Trinity

Hi Trinity,
Thanks for the reply...mmm..more about J. He is one of those kids who is really easy going and happy, which is great, but it also means he does the bare minimum to get by...what I mean by underachieving, is that he feels guilty that his grades come so easily to him, so he tends to play down his intelligence around his friends.On the flip side, if he is around other kids like him, he tends to rise to the occasion, which is why we are sooo looking forward to reinventing the school situation.

I am new to all this stuff, but J is in the 130-140 iq range, which according to the district, means he needs a gifted classroom, but not nec. a school for the gifted (level 3), where R is in the 140+ group needing a special school (level 4). I am not sure I agree with all this, but we are still on a exponential learning curve here...

I have been in touch with the school district, who will help us evaluate both of them, which is a positive first step.

The military is no help in this situation, in fact the "exceptional family member program" which is a great program for military families, only deals with learning disabilities, and does not classify gifted kids as needing any special services!

..but they are trying to get us to DC, which was our request given the school options...

nice to meet you.
cricket

What about toddlers? I've been searching high and low in my community and surrounding areas for a program (academic and physical) for my little 2 yr old son, G. Of course as his parent, I think he's special for his age, but others (teachers and administrators at his daycare), including pediatrician and strangers at parks and playgrounds who tell me he's very advanced for his age. To me, he seems average, but within the past two weeks, he's been correcting me! For example today while driving and he's sitting behind me in his carseat, I belched, and i looked in the rearview mirror and told him, "oh, WE should always say excuse me when we belch, right G?" and he replied, "no mommy, not 'we' only you, you belched, not me." I'm still feeling kinda freaked out by that intelligent response... and there have been others too... and I feel like he's jumping leaps and bounds in every direction... i'm not sure what else I can do to foster his capacity and worried that I should look towards private programs, but nothing for his age group, literally, he has to be at least 3 to be accepted into any decent program. Though he already counts up to 30, in a parallel path, I'm introducing him to a clock and how to tell time, he knows "the in between spaces means minutes" and he can sing several songs, can manipulate a computer mouse, main keyboard keys, and switch computer screens to get where he wants to go to... He also prefers to play with older kids, and loves engaging in conversations with adults (now in 10-12 word sentences) well, does any of this sound above average?

Mummy to G, whose first word at 10 months, was "oval"

Hi Trini04,
As far as Toddlers go I have some pretty strong opinions, but here there are...
1) Your first job is to document. Pick up a copy of Dr. Deb Ruf's Losing our Minds, gifted children left behind, and start making notes, video's etc.
2) Your second job is to enjoy your little tyke. Spend your time doing what is fun for the two of you. You don't need to foster his capacity, or get him into a preschool, unless he seems to want it. Let him lead. Consider adopting an "no lying to the kid" policy.
3) On the side, start reading whatever books are in your library system on Gifted and on Homeschooling. Get involved with your state Gifted Association. Also - model yourself as a person who has intellectual interests and pursues them.
4) Don't force him to play with agemates unless he wants too. Seek playdates with kids of a wide range of ages.
5) think seriously about what you want your family policy on TV/computer games to be. There are pluses and minuses.

Best wishes,
Trinity

Hi Cricket,
I like your observations about underachievement - be sure to share them with the school district. I would try to spend some time at the level 4 school at J's age level, and see if you think he could do the work. compare it to the gifted classroom. What precent of the day would the Level 3 school have J spend in the gifted classroom?

Personally, I'd rather have my child struggling to get B+/A- than breezing through with As, although struggling to get As would be the best. Of course it's a drag to be in a class that you don't have a prayer of keeping up in, but I'm not convinsed that tests like the WISC IV are that good at seperating 135s from 145s.

It may well be worth it to get privatly paid for IQ tests.

Too bad the military doesn't have a overt network. I'll betcha a dollar that there is a network out there, just not advertised. Keep asking sweetie. They probably just call it something weird like, "Parents of Children without bellybuttons."

Here's another way of viewing things - Read up on the Briggs-Myer's personality type. I'll bet it will ring a lot of bells about the differences between the boys, and how that relates to your relationships with them.

Very nice to met you to,
Trinity

Hi
I found this by searching for info on my nephew. Our situation is a bit different than most. My neice ( who is like my child ) and her husband adopted 2 children from Korea. They both are exhibited signs of being gifted. We are a very close knit family.
The problem is with my neices son Cooper. He just turned 4. He is in pre-school 2 hours- 2 days a week. The teacher has told my neice he does not interact with the other kids and they are having problems getting him to respond to them and the kids. He prefers to play by himself. They want to have all kind of testing to see what HIS problem is. Now at the start of school he was doing fine, this has just started recently. we have made an appoint with his dr to talk about things before we do the testing. My opion is he did all that they have to offer and he is bored, they told us they had to move him around at story time and quiet time because he talks to much. He has been talking since he was 9 months old, complete senteces by 12-14 months. He can reason, he interacts at home fine, he plays great with his sister. He is timid and shy and very immature for his age. I think he is just so different then the other kids and they do not know how to deal with him. I believe they think he has some type of learning/emotional disability not that is is very advanced intellectually. We do not even know the right questions to ask and if we should do the testing at all. I am sorry this is so long.
Thanks