Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional DS Resisting Accomodations

DS8 is choosing not to use accomodations in his 504 because he doesn't want to "stick out like a sore thumb." Specifically, he is able to type rather than handwrite long assignments and use a standing desk available in the classroom. At home he will type, but he won't do it at school among peers unless everyone else is. This summer he became very sensitive to feeling different (even more sensitive than he already was). What do I do? Does he just need time to mature? We have worked so hard with the school for a number of years to get the right supports in place, and he is going to struggle at school with writing assignments if he doesn't use the accomodations.

I wish I could send your ds a huge hug, BlessedMommy! Our ds felt the same way in elementary school. I don't know if anything we experienced will help, but fwiw, this is what we did with our ds to get over that initial roadblock of not wanting to look different than the other kids. Note: you'll see that several times, what we did depended upon the school to be accommodating beyond our ds' needs. DS was diagnosed at the end of 2nd grade, and had, first, informal accommodations through 3rd & 4th grade, and officially documented accommodations from 5th grade on out.

3rd grade: The only significantly "chunky" blocks of writing took place during writers' workshop. DS' 3rd grade classroom was arranged in tables with 3-4 students at each table and one computer at each table (his teacher had purchased computers through a Best Buy classroom grant - that he'd pursued on his own). During writing time, the kids had the option of working on the computer, and ds had plenty of time to type then. This teacher also let students type on the computers when doing science and social studies reports etc, and had the kids practice their typing regularly. Clearly, that's a classroom that's making the difference, and that's not going to happen most of the time. What it showed, however, was that when ds was surrounded by other kids using typing, he didn't feel out of place - and that's how life does start to work out as a teen, and as he moves into adulthood, because... as many of his 3rd grade classmate's parents observed (none of whom were parenting children with handwriting challenges)... "why are we placing so much emphasis on handwriting anyway, when all we do as adults is type?". You could point that out to your ds - do you and his dad use handwriting or keyboarding more often?

4th grade: The teacher had two computers in the classroom that were set up away from the student's desks. She also had a set of alpha-smarts - not enough for the full class to use, but enough for kids to sign up to use them and share them. During writing times, the children could sign up for either alpha-smarts or the regular computers, and were allowed to sit anywhere they wanted to in the classroom (sometimes also out in the hall) to write. The other kids were not aware of it, but ds' teacher gave ds first priority always using an alpha-smart, so he could essentially use keyboarding any time he wanted to and not "look different". None of the other kids ever spent a nano-second realizing that ds used the alpha-smart more than anyone else. DS really liked that arrangement... although he didn't really like the alpha-smart, and it's technology that is obsolete at this point in time.

End of 4th grade: ds was starting to realize he needed more than just an alpha-smart, and we (parents) were very concerned that he would never become brave enough to open up his laptop in class if he didn't get over that initial hump of *just doing it*. DS was petrified of what the other kids would say or think. We finally got him to open it up during... the last two weeks of school. I don't remember specifically, and I don't necessarily recommend this, but I think we (parents) told ds he had to do it, no choices. I had read about other dysgraphic children's experiences using laptops in class before giving him the ultimatum, and everything I'd read indicated that most times the other students in class thought the idea of using a laptop or computer in class was "cool" and students weren't made fun of because of using the computer. By this time, ds was also starting to become acutely aware of feeling "different" in class anyway because of his challenges with writing (he was also struggling with a disorder of written expression which made it extremely difficult to get any thoughts out at all... different beast than dealing with dysgraphia alone). So... it took several months but ds finally got his courage up, took the laptop to school a few times without opening it, then finally got it out and opened it up to use to write. That day was a real eye-opener for ds, because none of the other students said much of anything about it, other than a few who were beyond jealous that ds had a laptop in class, and thought it was really cool.

5th grade: DS was in a classroom with many of the same classmates he'd had in 4th grade. He was still very hesitant to use his laptop at first, but he had an IEP in place now that had the laptop as an accommodation, and he's a compliant kid so he used it. It helped that by the end of the first quarter, there were two other kids in class on IEPs who were also using laptops. I don't think any of the other kids in class thought much about any of it, other than thinking that the kids using the laptops needed them to help with schoolwork... and that's something, that while difficult to acknowledge, shows up anyway, whether or not the student was using the laptop. So all in all, better to use the AT than to struggle and not be successful. By mid-way through 5th grade ds was comfortable using his AT in class and didn't worry about it anymore.

6th grade: DS switched schools, and in spite of having used his laptop without worry during most of 5th grade, was telling us he was scared scared scared of using it in his new class at his new school because he didn't want to look different to the other students. He was doubly stressed at this point though, because he had now used the laptop long enough successfully, and had also matured enough to realize - he needed to type his work or he wouldn't be able to complete assignments. He'd also matured into a motivated student who wanted to work hard and do well in school. He took the laptop to school for the first week and never opened it up. At home, he was getting more and more stressed out over what he was going to do about the laptop and school. We talked to his teacher... and the teacher decided to invite all of the students in class to bring in a laptop if they had one and wanted to use it. That was all it took - only 2-3 other kids brought in a laptop that first week after the offer was put out by the teacher, and they all stopped bringing their laptops after 2-3 days... but ds brought his and opened it up and used it all the time after that, because it was just that one gesture from the teacher and the other few kids bringing them in the first time it was offered, that it took to get him past the discomfort of opening up the laptop. The interesting thing about 6th grade at this school for ds - I'm not sure any of the other kids ever realized he struggled with any kind of disability. They just assumed he brought the laptop to school because he wanted to and the teacher said that the students could. There were also classroom computers and a large shared computer lab at this school, and programs like "Inspiration" were used by all students, and the school computers were used for many assignments. If you haven't guessed it by now, this is a private school. The move to private was something I'd never really wanted to do, but it made a huge difference for ds in both feeling comfortable in his own skin, in being in a school where technology was already integrated into the curriculum, and in being in a school where the teachers were genuinely interested in supporting each student as an individual.

7th-8th grade: DS' school required all students to use iPads for their classwork. This posed a few challenges for ds initially in terms of differences in apps vs software etc - but ds prefers the iPad to laptop for school for many many reasons, including the size/weight.

9th grade: DS returned to public school. Once again, he was terrified of opening up his iPad in front of other students on the first day of school, but he was actually more worried that his teachers would *not* allow him to use it in class (the school wouldn't schedule a 504 meeting until later on in the school year). We had an agreement in place that his teachers would allow it, but with that acknowledgment in place, he was scared scared scared that he would get the iPad out in class and a teacher would tell him he couldn't use it. He got it out though, and everything was fine, no one told him he couldn't use it. None of the other kids blinked, either. As the year unfolded, the other students were using laptops and iPads and tablets in class too because the high schools in our district allow students to bring laptops/etc to school and use them if they want to. DS does look different in classes, especially when he's taking a science test, for example, using his iPad and everybody else is just writing answers on a worksheet. The thing is - everything changed for ds in a significant way during middle school in that the work load became heavy enough and the complexity of work required deepened enough, all the while ds was maturing in understanding himself... which led to ds realizing that he truly does need his keyboarding accommodation. That was huge in terms of getting him to use his accommodations, and it's something he just couldn't really see in early elementary school.

So - there's light at the end of the tunnel. Just starting to use it is the toughest part. I'd probably, in your case, talk to your ds openly about how he feels, talk to him about how it might feel to not be able to do his best on an assignment or not be able to do work as well as other kids in his class if he has to use handwriting, etc. See if you can get help from his teacher - one thing that we always felt would have helped our ds in elementary was having a teacher insist that he use his technology rather than giving him a choice. Yes, it would cause a lot of anxiety in the moment, but once that initial "moment" has passed, it really isn't something other kids in the classroom pay much attention to.

Sorry I don't have any specific advice, and I'm not sure any of this will help, but hopefully you'll be able to find that magic key for your ds which will help him get past being worried about looking different. I can tell you this - I only wish we'd had a diagnosis and accommodations in place for both of our 2e kids *earlier* in their schooling. The days spent in class not being able to do their work due to not having accommodations were days we had to make up later on, and the work missed just kept building.

Best wishes,

polarbear

This is a challenge that comes up often. Here's a couple threads that I've marked that hit on the issue, and may offer some help:

http://giftedissues.davidsongifted....4413/Accomodations_and_peer_preasur.html

http://giftedissues.davidsongifted.org/BB/ubbthreads.php/topics/213855/2.html

In grade 3, DS was allowed to go to one of several classroom computers whenever he wanted, for writing longer assignments. He didn't do it very often, but the more he used it, the more he found it helped. The computer was also often used as a reward - kids who were done their work were allowed to surf certain science or history websites. So there was a positive vibe associated with being "allowed" to use the computer - maybe your teacher could do something like that?

The next year, there was only one computer, lots of kids wanting to use it for research and various activities, and no way the teacher could reserve it for DS to have first dibs. The teacher was happy when we suggested we would purchase a cheap laptop and put it in the classroom for him so he always had access and was encouraged to make use of it. Much to my surprise, DS was upset at the idea and said no. I thought he'd be really pleased, but it seems that he had suddenly discovered self-consciousness, in a 4-5 split with lots of older kids he didn't know.

I bit my tongue and let him flounder for a bit and think about it. Then, his three teachers all simultaneously assigned big research/ writing projects. I casually pointed out to him that with a computer, he could type notes, re-use them to incorporate into a draft, revise that draft a couple of times, paste in his references and submit. Or..... he could hand-write his notes, start over to create a draft, and start over again writing for each subsequent draft. And then hand copy the details of his references. And then I quietly walked away.

Next day he unhesitatingly agreed that it would be a REALLY good idea if we put a computer in his class.

The other kids quickly got used to it (really, it's not like they had never noticed DS was a tad different!) Now, two years later, the kids all just assume that's what DS does, and no one thinks twice about it, including him. Interestingly, this year he has moved to a gifted class in a new school, and is one of four kids who keyboard all their work.

BlessedMommy - one thought that occurred to me re the standing desk - is it possible to arrange this so that other students can stand while working too? I'm guessing it's something that at least several kids would enjoy doing. Is your ds' school somewhat traditional (all kids sit at desk) or do kids sit at tables or group/re-group in different seating arrangements though the day? Do some kids sit on the floor during different work times? If it's already set up to allow kids to move and not be tied to one desk, I think setting up an arrangement where multiple children could choose to stand wouldn't be terribly disruptive and would be inexpensive.

polarbear

I agree with platypus, that nothing really can be done about it until the work load becomes too hard to handle and your child comes to the conclusion that he can perform better with them. My DS does not use any of his accommodations as well, and I leave it up to him to make the choice. At this time, his main priority is to blend in and he is doing that for a lot of reasons, but at some point, the necessity for the accommodations will overcome his needs to blend in.

Thank you for all the great advice and support. It is nice to know he isn't the only one going through this, and that I'm not the only one feeling helpless, too.

The good news is that everyone in his class has a Chrome book, so access to a computer is not an issue. It is that he doesn't want to use it when others aren't. Last night I proposed the idea to him to go to the library when it was time to write so he wouldn't be among his class (and stick out), but he wasn't willing to talk about it. I think it was all too much for him emotionally.

For the standing desk, there is one single standing desk that is shared by the class, but he has priority if he wants it. However I suspect he doesn't want to kick off whomever might be using it. They work at tables, and about a month ago raised an entire table to standing. For some reason his teacher didn't put him at this table. I was surprised but didn't push the issue. I may have to.

My gut feeling is that there isn't really anything I can do at this point, and like many said just wait until he sees he has to use the accomodations. However since first grade he just doesn't complete his work or has to bring things home to finish. I'm know it bothers him to not finish, but so far it hasn't been enough to motivate him to use the accomodations.

I haven't had a chance to read the links Platypus101 sent. I'll find some time later tonight.

We have another one in middle school who doesn't want to use her accommodations - even at home. Sigh. She is supposed to write her papers on the computer, but she feels that it makes her just too different from the other kids. Today she was working and working and working on homework, and I finally asked what in the world was going on (she usually finishes in a reasonable amount of time). She was handwriting a long paper for an elective. I explained that she is supposed to write on the computer. Her teachers will be so happy if she does - they can read her papers vs. pulling out a magnifying class to read her teeny tiny writing. She spells better (love Spell Check!!)and her thoughts flow more easily. I don't think she believes me when I tell her she is able to use it! I believe we are going to have to have the AIG teacher (she's our go to person for tricky situations)and have her tell DD that yes, absolutely, she can use a computer.
Guess this isn't so helpful as it's a "you're not alone" type post. I'm pulling my hair out, too!!