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My son DS9 has been diagnosed with ADHD and an impairment social pragmatics.

I have noticed that he does not *do* team sports well. For instance, when we tried soccer, he would get the ball and not seem to know what to do with it. Inevitably, the other team would grab it from him, or he would kick it somewhere randomly. On a few infamous occasions, he would take to the wrong side of the field and try to kick it into an the opposing team's goal.

Basketball, not much better-- could not seem to dribble and think of shooting in a fluid way.

I've noticed that DS does get significantly better with repetitive coordination tasks, given enough practice and time (martial arts have been good). Hand-eye coordination tested in the 99th percentile per the neuropsych.

This issue does not seem to extend to intellectual tasks. DS is a Davidson Young Scholar, and is quick and advanced in intellectual reasoning-- although processing falls around the 90th or so percentile (much lower than the intellectual portions of the IQ test)

I'm asking this question because sports is a real sticking point in our area. Every boy (and I mean 99 out 100) seems to be involved in a team sport. It's utterly socially isolating to not play on a team and it means being picked last for PE and watching the other boys bond while being on the outside. DS feels miserable and excluded, but doesn't seem to want to join teams (probably performance anxiety).

Ideas? DS does do martial arts and swimming, so I'm not looking activities. I just want thoughts on what may be the underlying issue with coordination and planning. He is noticeably less coordinated and "with it" than the other boys when playing a sport.

Thanks.

You may want to read my last thread on the issue...as usual, I think our kids must be related. It is isolating to be absolutely useless with a ball. Ds9 does not even want to go the altar kids meeting any more because they always end up playing soccer (altar boys used to be DHs sanctuary because it was the one place in the village for the kids not interested in sports). He loves kayaking practice in the pool, hates that it always ends with a bit of "fun", ie water polo. Hates having to compete for the ball to be able to play. Can't tell you what it is, just hope they'll eventually find their niche, and their peeps.

Tigerle- what was the name of your thread on this topic?

It's really tough right now. DS says that he publicly abdicated his role as "best math student" so that kids would like him better. I admit I did not respond constructively to this new announcement and am still trying to do damage control.

I feel like he is attention-seeking at school because the kids ignore the areas where he has real talent (of course they do, it's 3rd grade). I don't like this trend because he's veering off into self esteem problems and vying for approval.

It's very hard to build him up now that peers and friends are becoming more important. It used to be that my input was everything and now he scoffs and tells me that no one likes him and could I "please, please homeschool him." One playdate in two years at this da&mn school while he has to listen to the fun all of his peers are having together over the summers and holidays (now, I'm just venting).

DS claims that sports are the ticket, and he's terrible and will forever be without friends.

My son is on the high school swim team and in middle school and elementary school would step to the side and let a kick ball kicked directly at him roll on by and watch it go past. He also does not do any sport with a ball or any sport where a team is counting on him (other than swimming a leg in a relay, he can handle that).

He would join cross country but the season here is the same as high school swim. He HATES water polo.

I know part of his is really slow processing so missiles (balls) coming at him at high rates of speed are bad in that his reaction time is about three minutes too late.

--> Find him some math friends! <-- He needs to own that "best math student" role. Find those other 1 in a hundred kids and get them together somehow.
Trying to force himself to be something he's not is definitely not the way to go. Trying too much to help him improve at sports just signals that you too think he should be better. He's just not that into sports. I don't think you can blame the 90th percentile processing speed - it's still 90th percentile compared with the rest of the population!
I hated netball at school, would panic and throw the ball to whoever shouted my name, which the opposition made a lot of use of! The answer: quit netball Who needs that kind of stress?!
He's going to have to learn to stick out as the guy that doesn't like sports in your area, and instead be proud of being into the things he's into. Yes it sucks being picked last - get him into lots of other things as well that he can be first at, so PE isn't his whole world. Invite a couple of potentially friendly kids to a martial arts lesson. Start a martial arts club at school. Make friends with girls Find or start a math club (or chess, or science, or whatever else he's into), talk to the school and see if they have any ideas for those 1 percenters. Can they have some sort of other roles on the teams …? (assistant referees or coaches? )

I agree that there is no need to force himself into sports, and that ultimately, one would like to see him comfortable and confident in himself, without reference to other people's standards...but I do get that it can feel very isolating, especially for boys, if sports is not your thing. If he has an interest in sports, but just can't get his body into it, or lacks the competitive instinct that appears to be essential to sporting success, perhaps he can turn his math brain to pro sports statistics. That's one avenue to sports-mad-boy street cred.

This is a difficult thing for some kids, especially given the huge emphasis schools and people in general put on sports. However, by the time he gets to middle or high school (or maybe before) he should find that there are plenty of boys like him, who have diverse interests and little need for sports.

Sticking with individual sports for now is a good idea, and maybe the coordination will come later. At least he is getting good exercise.

Do you think your ds would want to join in on a team if he felt more competent at a team sport? If so, I think I'd handle this by letting him select a sport, and then working with him on repeated tasks that the sport requires so he can learn how to play. A 90th percentile processing speed is not indicative of slow processing - so jmo, but I doubt that's what's holding him up with team sports. I'm guessing there are other kids playing sports who weren't born Auber-coordinated and need repetitive practice to learn skills, which they are most likely getting through playing with other children. I wonder if it's possible the challenges your ds has with social pragmatics might not be playing a part. What's happening on the playground at recess? Is he joining in group games there, or having a tough time fitting in?

You've said that every boy in your area is involved in a team sport. I realize martial arts is an individual sport, but it's an individual sport that people participate in in groups. Is your ds taking martial arts classes with other kids? Are there any students from his school also taking martial arts? If he really loves martial arts, would it be possible to try to organize an after-school club at his school? Is he on a swim team? Just wondering - in our area most of the sports are outside of school at this age, and many times kids make friendships through those sports, and it wouldn't be unusual to find another student from your school participating in the same sport - but that includes individual sports such as martial arts and swimming.

Please know I understand your frustration and how difficult this is for your ds. My ds is extremely uncoordinated (with a disability causing the lack of coordination). Early elementary was the toughest time in terms of fitting in with other kids who were into sports - but for our ds it wasn't just not being coordinated that set up boundaries with the boys who played team sports for fun - he also has an expressive language disorder and difficulties with some aspects of social pragmatics - if he hadn't had those additional challenges, I think it would have been much easier for him to step into a team sport and give try it long enough to develop passable skill at it. What helped him the most in the long term was helping him with his expressive language challenges, while keepingt him in the individual sports when he was really young - he still pursues the individual sports he liked best, and he's picked up on a few more as he's moved into high school. By the time he was in upper elementary he started realizing that not *every* kid was good at team sports, and that there were other students who enjoyed the individual sports he enjoys.

Anyway, those are just my random thoughts -

Best wishes,

polarbear

polarbear-- you're absolutely right. I'm really only telling one part of the story. The major issue in DS's own mind is "sports." While he has a valid point that popularity and attention tend to come to those who are great at sports (at this age), it's certainly not the only reason he has difficulties.

It is a two fold problem-- one of his diagnoses (ADHD or social pragmatics) is playing a big role in his ability to "get" and enjoy team sports-- it is also contributing heavily to his inability to make friends. Additionally, it is playing into his "perception" of why he doesn't have friends-- which is a simplistic perception. Truly the friendship issues are because a) he's not good at the things other kids value at this age (i.e. sports) and b) because he doesn't read social cues and can be annoying or hard to relate to.

As a parent, I can see that he's just different from other kids-- right now, he doesn't have that natural ability to play and relate to boys. It comes from his challenges, which are further exacerbated by a extremely advanced intellect and interests that leave a typical 3rd grade boy cold (writing music, obsessive Magic the Gathering card collecting, reading *a lot* more than I think most kids read, etc.). The asynchronous is still very pronounced. The intellect did not "level out" in 3rd and the maturity has not caught up.

As a parent, I want to "fix" this for him-- perhaps by better understanding the brain or motor issues contributing to his coordination issues and relatively slower reflexes. Of course, I can't fix this for him-- because it's probably a glitch in executive functioning or something else related to the complex behavioral symptoms that are ADHD. I notice that ADHD looks different in every single kid-- I know five and they are all completely different children with distinctive challenges caused by ADHD.

We do insist that DS stay involved in one sport year round (in this case martial arts and swimming in the summer), be it individual or team because of the benefits of physical activity and discipline.

My DS13 hates ball sports and always has hated them (he does karate). I think mainly he just doesn't see the point of chasing a ball around (his mind seeks more productive or problem solving activities). Last year he joined the local middle school Brain Bowl team. He LOVES it. Not exactly a sport, but a place he can go to compete intellectually. The kids on the team are like minded, and share a lot of laughs at the practices. I'm not sure if many schools offer the activity at the elementary level, but might be something to look into???