Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Acceleration - learning curve for parents

DD10's acceleration last Spring from 4th to 5th has been fairly smooth. She is now in the same grade as her sister, DD11. We have had things happen that we had not foreseen and other events that just are sad.
A) Sad. DD begged us to go to a concert to see her best friend from her elementary school. The two girls have maintained some contact although it seemed the friend has begun to pull away. It was evident at the concert that DD's friend, as well as the other kids DD had been friends with, have all moved on. After all, DD is now in middle school, and they are still in elementary. DD was confused and heartsick.
B) Tricky. DD10 got into the Science Olympiad. We are waiting to find out if DD11 made it. DD10 said the test was easy. DD11 didn't think so. It's tough when kids are in the same grade, and the younger one has the potential to leap ahead.
A)Uh oh! When school parents and I just meet, I am often asked if my 2 are twins after I state that I have 2 sixth graders (obviously the parent has never seen the 2 kids!!!). No I say, just sisters. I see a strange look on parent's faces at this point. Now maybe I am clueless, but until a mom nodded knowingly the other day and said that her son had also repeated kindergarten, I did not realize that people were assuming DD11 had been held back a year! DD11 is tall for her age so it's a reasonable thought. I shared this story with another mom whose younger son is sharing classes with his older sibling, and she is now planning for those conversations.
Anyone else have unexpected consequences of a grade skip?

I do wonder if some of this is why the IAS specifically recommends against a whole grade acceleration into another siblings grade.

#1 happens to my DD10 independent of a grade skip. She's extremely social but also is an insatiable learner, and we can't meet both needs at the same time, so she has bounced from public school to home school. There's a kid the same age just across the street that LOVES hanging out with DD when she's in public school, and completely disowns her when she's learning at home.

We also had a near-issue with #2 regarding DD and FLL, because her school allows 5th-6th graders on the team, but she just barely made the age cut-off for competition. The coaches tended to discount her because of her age. But they paired all the kids up to work on specific missions, and luckily her older teammate didn't discount DD, and she actually ended up being a top performer.

#3) Does it matter that the parents understand the situation for which kid moved grades? When I am asked now, I just say the school decided that this was the best arrangement for now and then I shrug my shoulders and change the topic.

#1) Your daughter will probably find that some kids are like these ones at the concert and some will be so excited to see her. Kids move in and out of friendships all throughout school. It can be as simple as not being in the same homeroom that causes these shifts. Just continue to encourage her to socialize at school and school events and activities.

No, it doesn't matter what the parents think about acceleration - I was just surprised to find that they were making the assumption that DD11 flunked! I have explained so much about acceleration that it's become second nature to me. A good shrug is very handy!!
I posted the friendship story because DD had appeared to be making new friends easily which usually does not happen. It just tore my heart out to see that she really missed her old friend in elementary. She later told me that that particular friend liked activities that other friends don't care for.
Anyway, I was curious to hear from other parents and their kids' journeys through acceleration.

How about using "no, just birthdays close enough together to be in the same grade"? It's true - their birthdays are close enough together that when you skipped the younger, it was into the grade of the older. But it is certainly possible to have an older child just miss the cutoff date and the younger child make it, so they are both in the same school grade, and that's more likely to be what people will assume.

Regarding #1, that is pretty natural in general when kids move from elementary to different middle schools. As the year progresses, she will become more focused on her new friends as well.

Regarding #3, it really isn't their business. You can simply say they are both adopted and are not biological sisters. It is also not unheard of for biological siblings to be less than 12 months apart - especially if that is the case for your two DDs. Even if they are a bit more than 12 months apart, it sometimes happens that they land in the same grade anyhow.

When we accelerated my DS in school we left him in the same level scout group as age not grade. He was able to maintain best friend contact once a week but I do believe if we hadn't done that #1 would have happened to him. He is in middle and best friend a fifth grader this year. They do chat and play video games over the Internet about once every two weeks too.

I was the older sibling in your scenario with a year younger brother who should have been grade skipped but never was. He was eventually accelerated a math class in high school by taking two classes at the same time and I was also taking that class. I told my parents that he had to have a completely different teacher if that was going to happen....and he did but he got the one teaching one section for gifted learners and I got the crappy guy who retired at Christmas/new guy after that was good. We had same teachers as we grew up...I just didn't want same teachers in the same year...like me in third period and him in fifth. It worked out. At first I wasn't happy but I realized after a while it wasn't all about me.

How weird that parents would assume one child was held back a grade. I'd just assume they were born within a year! I suppose that's just my bias since my mother and aunt were, indeed, born within a year of each other (and just barely ended up in different grades).

Mine are 4 years apart in age but the older one so short, and the younger one so tall, that people often assume they're very close in age.

I hope your DD11 gets into the science olympiad if that's what will make everyone's life easier.

Life and it's changes are is always interesting Greenlotus and you may well have seen similar things that are a bit sad if you hadn't accelerated. Kids, their interests and activities and friendships, change a lot year by year. It is possible that your DD may have grown apart from her old friends anyway as her interests become more divergent. Changing friends as kids change schools is also normal and in many ways quite healthy.

We didn't have your challenges on the sibling front but we have done a lot of school changes and two accelerations and I can sympathise with you and your DD but also offer hope. My DD has never been happier or more focussed since her last grade skip. She has moved apart from a girl who everyone said was joined at the hip with my DD and that is ok. She is till friends with other kids from her previous year and years below that but she is with a group that are on the same wave length as her and she is relieved.

All change is hard and there will be bad with the good but that is life not just acceleration. While other parents responses are also interesting, it is more about ignorance than anything else. Respond with how interesting and move on!

Congratulations to you and both of your children as this has been a difficult journey and you are all doing well.

Shrug and say they are Irish twins or that 'it feels like it' when they ask. Or if true that they started school in different states. I would assume they were less than a year apart with near cut off birthdates.

Well, DD11 made it into Science Olympiad as well so we are good to go on that. Whew! Luckily they choose very different clubs for the most part, but S.O. is one they both like.
I think DD will find herself closer to the new friends as time goes by, as some said. Isn't it just hard to see one's kids sad though? DD11 is much more social and so doesn't struggle as much with the friend issue.
Love to hear about "Irish twins". I think I may have heard that term before. Here we say "virtual twins". Anyway, I have let people know the girls were adopted and that stops the "flunking" idea. That won't work for my friend - her kids are 2 years apart and the younger has caught up with the elder brother. She is really having to balance the rivalry.

It is very hard to see our kids struggle and friendship issues can be a recurring theme. Sounds like your kids are actually doing really well overall and congratulations on both getting into Science Olympiad. Sigh of relief as well.

Often considered a slang or pejorative term as it invokes labeling with stereotypes, Irish twins refers to two children born to the same mother in the same year, originally associated with a time and place in which certain groups of people were understood to closely follow religious belief and teaching which strongly linked sex with procreation and therefore prohibited any form of birth control other than abstinence, resulting in a noticeable number of families with 2 children born in the same year. Some may say this phrase may be a form of bonding when used amongst those with 2 children in a year, but exclusionary/judgmental/dismissive/condescending when used by others.

Wishing you and your DDs all the best on their unique educational journey. I'm adding a link to previous discussion on acceleration with sibling one grade up, to help future readers of this thread find related posts.