Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional couch/mouse potatoes in the house

At least one of my kids is 2e, and probably the other one too. I am sure some of his inattentiveness figures into this.

Both kids would cheerfully spend all day watching tv or playing video games.

There are exceptions, my son will draw creatures, my daughter likes to do crafts. But they always end up lured back to the box.

I am trying so hard to limit time, but if I do so with my son, he will sit and do nothing - he can't think of anything else to do. I keep fighting this, trying to limit media time, but it's really really hard when they don't seem to want to do anything else on their own.

Please give me any and all suggestions for taming the media beast…

Can you as a family use a big dry erase board (they are just fun to use) to brainstorm activities that go into different categories?

Not sure how old they are but the categories could be

food prep and baking (not limited to dinner but making breakfasts and lunches ahead for the next day).

Chores (those that contribute to a smooth running household and you do because you are part of a family as well asspecial chores that might earn them a bit of money.)


Games (individual games, games for two, games for three, games for any number). Out door and indoor.


Outdoor activities....again not sure of ages but sidewalk chalk, riding bikes, walks, explore your city and surrounding area and try to visit every park/playground...maybe they could review them and write a guide. "A kid's guide to our town's area parks" (take pictures to add to guide)

Activities with paper and pencil

Activities with books (do author studies where you read multiple books by same author and a biography on the author...bill Peet is a great example...he has a great autobiography and tons of books. Brainstorm non fictions things they want to learn about.

Weekly trips to library bring home several books on topics they are interested in. So this week is mummy/Egypt week. Next week is Mozart week.

Explore what programming the library has, participate in programs of interest.

Have them learn about newspapers (before they disappear) and design and write a family newspaper to mail out to family members monthly (my son did this when he was young and looking back on it, it is hysterical the stories he reported...he decided to do this after reading a spongebob book about writing a newspaper)

Look on homeschool websites for more ideas, have them brainstorm....my ten year old does things like creates Legos with eyes closed (lol)

Put all these ideas in decorated shoe boxes or other containers....you might want to divide them into inside activities....activities that involve leaving the house and driving...outside, etc.

Then maybe make a loose schedule...we come home and do x first. Then we either work on food prep or do one chore. Then we either play a game or go on an outing. Free time in the evening either figure something out on your own or pick from our brainstorming boxes

After a while they will get it.

Btw my kids love things like uno and backgammon.

Battling the media beast is an epic quest at our house as well. They are 6 and 2.5. (The 2.5 year old recently discovered you can play on our phones so there are a lot of meltdowns about not being allowed to play on the phone.)Not sure how old your kids are. Mines don't have a lot of initiative to do things on their own either, though they are on the younger side. I play with them and watch them a lot but I often find myself saying, "My parents never played with me when I was a kid." when I need to get something done and they keep asking me to play.

Today I turned off the tv and sent them in the backyard with bubble mix, a plastic shovel, pin wheels and a plastic toy wheel barrow. I told them to occupy themselves. I think they spent a lot of time catching bugs and putting them in the wheel barrow. Later, when they came back in, I gave them kinetic sand to play with. This killed about 2.5 hours.

My 6 year old has a lot of books and toys in her room so I often tell her to go find something to do in her room. I get push back from her but after awhile she gets so bored of doing nothing she finds something to do. Today she came back with a list of facts she had copied from a book about rocks and minerals. Sometimes I give her a challenge like go build an airport with lego.

I also tell them that there are certain things that need to be completed before they can watch t.v. I don't mean to treat T.V like a reward but if your room isn't clean you don't have time to be sitting and looking at a screen.

If your son likes to draw creatures I would go with that. I'd drop some modelling clay in front of him and say make a model of a creature. Then if he came back and showed me the creature I'd say okay make me a play with the creatures and then we'll record it. Or write me a story about the creatures.

I find that when I give my kids an idea to work off of they have an easier time getting creative. Hopefully this will grow into them learning to come up with the initial idea themselves in the future.

ETA: Just saw cookie's post. She has some great ideas.

We did something like Cookie's suggestion, but used half-size poster board and post-its. Each of us - myself and both kids - got personal boards, categories that made sense to us, and our own post-its. My kids actually saw me making one for myself and liked the idea so much they made their own.

My categories are defined by the kind of time I have: half a day, five minutes, while in the car, with friends, alone, etc. I think my younger one made categories of days of the week and chose one fun activity to plan on for each day. They don't always happen, but I get fewer complaints of "nothing to do."

To make it fun, we chose post-its that were pretty. These are nicer than written lists because they are more changeable, but better than dry-erase because they last longer and are nicer looking.

I was using the dry erase for the brainstorming and writing the ideas on slips of paper afterwards to draw out of shoe boxes....but I like you idea best!! Genius...post it notes on poster board rather than random pull out of a box.

I found putting in time teaching them how to come up with stuff to do and basic equipment (hula hoops, jump ropes, mini tramp, craft supplies, books, Legos, composition books) allowed for more independence later.

My younger son was on a poetry kick this summer...supplies needed: pen and composition book

The library has always been good for an hour and you get to bring home tons more entertainment.

And you can always get frustrated like me and say "find something to do from the list (like play uno), take a nap, clean your room or I'll make a list of five chores to keep you busy." They always fine something to do.

Sometimes just cleaning the room leads to playing because now there is room or they find something they haven't seen in a while.

Others have already given great feedback on alternatives, but this hasn't yet been addressed:


This sounds like classic manipulation. My DD10 has been doing this for years, where she asks us to do something she's perfectly capable of doing for herself, and when we refuse, she refuses as well. She does this because she's had a lot of success with this tactic... DW is a total pushover, and I still get drawn in where natural consequences aren't really an option. For example, we might do a living room camp-out, she refuses to get her own blankets, and just flops down without any to go to sleep. I can't let her freeze all night.

So while I obviously can't give you a foolproof method for dealing with this, I have managed to have some progress, so I can suggest:

1) As I mentioned, natural consequences. If he refuses to take up any alternative activities, fine. He can sit there bored and do nothing. If he tries punishing you in turn by complaining, whining, passive-aggressiveness, etc. don't engage. Let him know that his decision to do nothing was his choice, not yours.

2) Firm limits.

3) Use bonus screen time as a reward for other behaviors you've been working on... performing chores, getting ready for school on time, homework without complain, helping out, going outside to play, whatever.

This is hard. Technology and screens are used a lot around here for education and homework. But we try to limit video games and goofing off to two hours per day.

My boys (12 and 14) don't particularly care to play outside any more, but if I take them out and engage with them, they can get a good hour of exercise. I also take them to the gym from time to time.

We're also big on board and strategy games, but again that usually involves one of us adults suggesting such activities.

If you set the firm limits on screen time and do it for a period of time, your son will figure out something else to do. I agree with Dude that this is classic manipulation on your son's part.

You could provide a list of things he could do instead, but you might want to even hold off on that and see if he comes up with stuff on his own.

The one exception I would make is to go out and exercise (walking, bike riding, visit parks) as a family. If the kids are old enough, give them freedom to go outside or ride their bikes close to home by themselves. Kids love to do things by themselves, they just need to know their parents have confidence that they can do it. And then don't give into the temptation to do it for them.

We have no screen time in our home (it started out as restricted screen time due to sleep issues for DS and we decided to remove screen time completely). Which means that there is no screen time for adults as well. We do watch the occasional big sporting event on TV, but don't miss the screens too much. We also enroll our child in a lot of organized sports which involve strict schedules as well as head out to bike or hike on the weekends as a family. All of this ensures that there is not much of a couch potato syndrome going on.
Removing screens altogether is rather extreme for many people, but, it can be adopted in a moderate way - remove screen time on days with more homework or tests or remove screen time on 2 days of a week etc. In our case, we are a lot more productive and have more down time because of lack of screen time.