Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Immature or excited about learning?

We are (still) in process of trying to get DS8 accelerated (3rd to 4th)in Math and Reading for this school year. He was informally accelerated in reading last year in second grade and the teacher he went to for reading will be his third grade teacher, so she already knows him. We finally met her last night at open house and I am cautiously optimistic about this year. Last year she relayed some concern of "immaturity " to his second grade teacher as an issue with his acceleration. She brought it up outside DS earshot last night and her concern is this -- when DS gets excited about something new he gets very worked up, excited voice, waving his arms, etc. She said she saw the other boys giving each other sidelong glances of "what is this kid doing?" and she is concerned that if he were to be placed in a fourth grade classroom it could put him in a situation where he could face bullying.

I am not so sure I agree that her concern would be a reason to NOT accelerate him. Is it appropriate to hold a child back because "it's not cool for boys to act like that"? Or is that something on which the teacher needs to educate the boys in his new classroom? Or is DS in fact immature? Which WOULD be a reason not to accelerate.

Mrs. P

Have you tried direct-teaching him about maintaining control of his voice volume & pitch and his gesticulation, especially when excited? He may benefit from understanding the importance of this, and how the lack of mindfulness about these forms of self-expression may be perceived by others.

Possibly the teacher could have a code word to mention if your kiddo begins demonstrating these behaviors.

I would think that the advanced work will be better for you child, and would outweigh any issues his slightly immature behavior might bring up. Let me ask you this, Does he get embarrassed easily? My older son is immature for his age, and it comes out in school. It doesn't seem to phase him what other kids think of him. They don't get him, so what does their opinion of him matter?

But, with that said, I find kids very quickly adapt to their new environment and expected/tolerated behaviors of those around them.

Oh man - don't I wish.

Not that I have noticed. He more or less does what he wants, but if someone comments negatively about something he does, he gets upset. Example - recently another boy told him he throws like a girl. He was upset, and we discussed it. Issue over.

I think sometimes he is acting like the characters in his video games, he will sometimes flap his arms and jump while running which is definitely not appropriate during a soccer game! :-) We have discussed this with him numerous times, and he has mostly stopped that behavior.

I tend to be rather expressive, must be my love of theatre and the acting classes I took,,,so he may come by it naturally, but need to learn to reign it in. I just don't know enough about how 8 year old boys are supposed to behave! It's been over 40 years since I was that age and I have no experience with being a boy! :-)

Bah, nonsense. Eight year old boys either a) always act like that, about anything, or b) would love it if someone else did so they could too. I say ignore the teacher and let your kid be excited about new stuff. I fail to see how enthusiasm about new information is a behavior to squash

So, just realized something. As a former teacher myself, I actually think part of the "immaturity" angle from teachers is that it's harder to differentiate for maturity than it is for intellect/ability. From a workload and managing the classroom standpoint, a child who is an outlier in terms of maturity often requires much more intervention in terms of one-on-ones and classroom management than a child who needs advanced work. I wonder if all of the teachers and administrators who recoil at the thought of acceleration are at least subconsciously afraid of this.

That doesn't mean that you shouldn't accelerate. But, it does mean that the teacher might need to be reassured that she's not going to be pulled too often from the rest of the class to deal with emotional issues. (For example, when you and your husband had to calm him down when his brother insulted him.)

Just a thought! Good luck with your decision.

This sounds a little like a Dabrowski overexcitability thing to me. If so isn't this just part of a gifted profile? (I'm not saying it doesn't have to be managed, but it's not really anything that atypical).

I think it is really hard to know for sure. Sometimes parents don't see what the teachers sees in their child, but then again, sometimes teachers misunderstand HG/PG kids and see someone different and assume it is immaturity.

Can he do a trial acceleration and see how it works out?

Another thing to consider is that you might be looking at the least bad option, and there may not be a perfect fit.

One of my DD's best friends is a boy that started playing soccer at 6 or so. He spent the first two years or so roaming about the pitch in his own world flapping his arms like a pelican too full to take off whenever he ran around. He subsequently became a pretty good player half way through the year before last - something just clicked and he would be sought after as a player after that.

Our DD had the guidance counsellor against her second to fourth skip due to perceived immaturity issues which we were able to persuade the principal were OEs helped enormously by her second grade teacher. The skip has been OK so far - God willing long may this last, one she was in a more appropriate environment, the OE's were shed like a snake sheds its skin (for the most part), intensity can still be an issue but I fear that may be inherited from me (LOL)).

You know your child best - follow your gut.