Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional DS8 calls himself a freak of nature

Does your DS have a good friend? One he can invite over to play and vice versa? That might help and be easier than trying to find all of these organized activities. Just a thought. It sounds a bit like he's decided that he doesn't fit in because of sports, but maybe it's really something a little different and what he's lacking is a social connection to peers?

I understand completely about the lack of time because of other demands, and also the sibling squabbling, which can be exhausting. I'm wondering if a gestalt shift might work better: instead of focusing on something "out there" that might provide a fix, maybe strengthening relationships and connection at home, and trying to develop an important friendship, would help him feel more centered and secure in himself.

I feel for you (and relate to you). It seems you have overwhelming needs at home and lack support. My sense is that adding more is not the immediate answer. Those are just musings from a fellow traveler.

Eco, you're so right. Problem is, I can't book the friend the way I could book a class! And guess who in our house is responsible for setting up the play dates, and who gets to moan when I tell him that I won't be home and it's his job to do pick ups or drop offs or run interference when tempers fly as opposed to just get mad and yell.

I'm not looking at sports as a panacea. It's just about one set of his needs to be met, ie exercise, outdoor time, sensory diet, and yes, social recognition.

I never made it as far as being one of the sporty kids who get to pick the teams, but God, how I LOVED suddenly being among the first or second tier of pickees once I started working hard in gymnastics class. Getting medals and honours certificates for doing well on sports day (as opposed to the mere commendation I got before, or the simple certificate of participation poor DS gets) was such a boost for my sorry self confidence. And DS8 is not immune, at the ski resort we go to all kids get a medal for successfully completing class, and they all treasure them.

DH remembers the tremendous boost he got in confidence when he found out during the school ski trip that he was actually quite good at something for a change! and best of all, his PE teacher who was their instructor found out as well and suddenly treated him with a lot more respect back home even though he kept bumbling his way through games, realizing it was about fit and not about laziness or opposition. He also was the kind of kid who'd just roam the woods on his bike, and later, go on over night bike tours with friends by the time he was thirteen. I don't think DS would do that, now or later. Not sure I'd let him, TBH!

So, it's not that DH doesn't understand. I think he's just as overwhelmed as I am, and digging in and refusing to engage is his way of showing it. Yup, apple and tree here, for sure.

I have an idea. With a disabled child, we're eligible for three weeks family rehab every four years at lest and haven't taken any yet. I'll try to set something up in the mountains in February or so, take him out of school, not that he's missing anything, and we'll go skiing as much as we can!

Ideas:
Trampoline (even small one, indoor type)
Wii Sports (I know you said you don't watch TV--do you do game consoles?) I really think there is some value in the kinetic type games, in terms of developing eye-hand coordination, and body awareness. And sometimes siblings will even get along to play these together!

My DS learned everything there is to know about sports via video games. He also played a few team sports, the best one being baseball--I think it is less overstimulating than soccer (scared him to death) and basketball (which he is ill-suited for, physically). I know video games aren't exactly what you're looking for, but I do think for DS his encyclopedic knowledge of these helped, socially.

Playdates can be difficult when you are already over-extended. With my eldest--who craved social connections but was awkward--our strategy was to invite, invite, invite other kids over until they began to reciprocate. I had more time, then, though, with only one child.

As an aside: with my middle DS, martial arts went okay until suddenly it didn't, following a "Stranger Danger" class where they taught the kids how to get away from a predator. He pretty much melted down and refused to ever participate again. Anxiety, obviously. Wonder if anxiety related issues are interfering with your son's enjoyment of physical stuff?


Sounds like an awesome opportunity to get some respite, recreation, and family time!

Lots of positive vibes sent in your direction.

I think this is a great idea. There can also be positive "spill over" effects from scheduling a special trip. A bright kid might be really motivated to work at conditioning and other off season training to help get ready and be prepared to really have a good time.

I don't have that much advice for you but I hope that you can figure things out soon! You sound like you're under a lot of stress right now and super exhausted -- maybe sleeping in could be your family's sport :-)
The one thing I would say is that it seems like you're dealing with sports as fitness and sports as a social factor, and while there's definitely some overlap of what he's good at, I would try to deal with it separately. Personally, I'd shelve exercise for now, or just try walking instead, and focus on social problems first.

Am having a bit of a respite week here: DS8 is away on his long expected five day trip with the grandparents to see the sights of the capital - he's been before, and loved it, but the priority has always been his little brother in the hospital. This time it's a sheer pleasure trip, and all about him, the perfect two adults to one DS8 ratio, and from what he sounds like of the phone, he's in heaven. and DD and DS2, most of the time best of friends, are enjoying their twosomeness without DS8 constantly picking fights with DD. ("Stop looking at me! Look! She's looking at me funny!").
We will soon travel to the mountains and do some hiking and swimming and then there is the rock climbing class at the end of summer. I hope DS8s relaxation will carry over for a bit. In the mountains, we hope to spend some time with an old friend from school who is vacationing near our place and whose kids, the few times ours have met them appear to be a good fit (another little engineer!).
Found out that most mountain family rehab centers have no provision for disabled kids, those are almost exclusively on the seaside. But they must organize teaching for school age kids every day, ugh! I think a nation can carry mandatory schooling laws too far...

It sounds like a very good time now for the whole family! Perhaps just what your DS needs, a time to pause and enjoy his interests in a new environment!

The trip sounds great.

I want to follow up on something FruityDragons said, i.e. sports as fitness and social tools. I think that is a really important point. Luckily, as kids get old, playing sports as a social tool becomes less important for a large percentage of kids who are not as talented. Video games become more important. Watching and following sports become more important. DS8 just has a few more years to ride out on this.

Meanwhile, I just introduced my 6 year old son to Minecraft. Luckily, he is not nearly as bad at sports as I was. But I doubt sports will feature on his college application. Something digital may very well be.

I have found minecraft to be a much more effective social lubricant so far than sports, LOL!

Just to clarify, the goal at the moment is to find an activity that DS8 enjoys sufficiently to expend some effort to improve his abysmal coordination and strength, and get his exercise and sensory needs met. He doesn't have to be good at it, just good enough not to embarrass himself of a regular basis. Because that's what appears to be happening in PE class and recess in school. Ie sports are so far away from being a social tool right now, they are a social liability.

If he found something that he has the skills and enjoyment for to pursue seriously (not competitively), and that would give him some kudos with his classmates even though he'll always remain useless at soccer, that would be gravy!

Just wanted to let you all know that I reread the thread to make sure I missed none of the advice and ideas and that I think your input has been awesome. I am much more confident about next year now. Thank you!