Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion What happens to children who are gifted with poor EF

DH is PG and still struggles with EF. When I first met him, he coped with things by putting post it notes ALL over his apartment and office. But now he has apps for everything, and an awesome secretary to keep things straight at the office.

I am an entrepreneur because I could not stand water cooler talk and drama.

I read her post and ElizabethN and I are kindred spirits. My DH is Mr. Organized. I always felt like it was a fatal flaw for me to be the opposite of that, then I realized I'm totally wired for "absent minded professor" (in fact my dad was one) and so it's all about strategies for compensating for that - when necessary.

I have decided that I will start teaching my kids (or continue to) all the compensation strategies I have learned (action lists, flylady, etc.) We all use tools, the important thing is to figure out which ones you need.

PS and everyone in my genetic family is self employed….

Agreed.

We may need a thread for soapbox and pet peeves, etc. We could post our "classics" there.

Platypus101, what a lovely way of putting this!

I completely agree. DD is a mix of DH (not so good with the EF) and myself (completely in love with the EF and basing a career on it) I should point out that I was a late bloomer and was completely hopeless through high school and even into college.

This means that her EF is spotty, high where she has interest and low where she doesn't. We've found that she does better in educational environments where they are more focused on academic results and less focused on fussy organizational stuff (color coding, etc.). If the EF serves the academic results (like how to break a large assignment into smaller chunks, how to organize thoughts in writing, and how to do good research) then I don't mind them specifically teaching those skills. However, I find many schools simply glue a bunch of meaningless organizational techniques onto whatever they're doing without a lot of thought. I organize stuff for a living, but organizing for organizing's sake isn't really meaningful. You organize to reach a goal or end or you find supports to organize for you (tools, partners, environments).

Platypus101, absolutely. I do not want my children growing thinking "I have to fit in". I want my kids to learn to use their strengths and then use any organizational tools they need to bridge the gaps and get them where they want to go.

Yes, Yesss, Yesssss!
Pet peeve! Together with "he must learn to work with people of average intelligence, he'll have to do it all his life." Sorry, lady, not as equals on a team, he won't. Non gifted, but bright, highly educated experts in their field? Right. But that's it.

Very well put, thank you. I understand DS8 and myself better now.

There are a lot of jobs out there that require a lot less EF than being a student where you need to juggle 5-7 different subjects at a time. With multiple assignments due at all sorts of different times. When I worked as a computer programmer, I worked on ONE thing for months. Sure I there were different aspects to what I was working on but that was part of my complex design for the program and not really the same skills as trying to keep multiple projects going simultaneously.

There are many jobs out there from Engineer, Computer Programmer, research scientist and artist. That is just to name a few. And yes these jobs do require some level of organization but many of these people with low EF are capable of learning/follow some basic organizational skills certainly enough to keep up in a job where they are interested.

On the other hand to be a good teacher/administrator in a regular b&m school requires a lot of organization & good ef skills. Thus the people teaching our kids see organization as a very important skill because they themselves would be lost without it.

Well, IMO, children that are fortunate enough to have adults around them to teach them coping skills and scaffold their school experience and "keep them in the game" can grow into successful adults (like those giving excellent advice on this forum). Unfortunately, I've watched several PG and HG people grow up in families that either did not provide this kind of support or it did not work for them. Many went down a different path. The path goes something like 1) poor grades in school due to not turning in work or not fulfilling requirements 2) school counselor interprets this as "bright, but troubled" or "not really gifted" 3) student guided to remedial classes resulting in even greater boredom and cycles back to step 1 until the end of high school 4) student is always the smartest in the room, while both bored and disinterested, and displays unwavering snarky cynicism to one and all (thus alienating teachers and students alike) 5) student does not go to college because school is "stupid" and "pointless" 6) adult works series of low income jobs, gets fired often, plays a lot of video games, watches tons of movies, or reads a lot of books, and is bitterly dissatisfied with their life. Throw in some drugs or alcohol to blunt the pain and you get a serious mess. A variation on this theme is going to college and underachieving there due to a lack of EF and then proceeding to step 6.

Ouch. Sorry to be so negative, but sadly, I've known quite a few people who are now in their 40's-60's who've gone this route. There probably are people who do get it together later in life, but my life path has not intersected with theirs. A few EF challenged gifted adults I've known have life changing experiences after high school like joining the military, marrying a super organized, super involved spouse, or some other major event that provides or requires external organization and the opportunity to learn how to make it internal. These events seemed to occur when they were between 18 and 25.

This, to me, is why it is so important to help our gifted kiddos acquire the EF skills to "stay in the game" and have the chance to find that special situation that works for them.

I don't think we know how to raise EF any more than we know how to raise IQ:
Individual Differences in Executive Functions Are Almost Entirely Genetic in Origin