Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Finding other gifted kids on the playground

Occasionally DS really, really hits it off with someone else that he meets on the playground that's also close to his own age. It's interesting to see how much more involved his play becomes when this happens.

Today he ran into one of those people, a girl at the park he had been telling me about from last year that I hadn't met yet. It was immediately obvious why they like each other so much. Not only does she go along with his elaborate games, she adds to them as creatively as he does. She is obviously quite bright if not gifted herself.

They have both expressed to me how much they want us to swap phone numbers with each other so that they can play together as often as they can. Now I guess it's up to me to approach her parent and overcome my shyness...

I'm familiar with most parents chatting at the playground, lessons, sports, etc with whomever brought the kiddo(s) that their own child is playing with (for example: nanny, parent, etc).

Often a compliment or two on how nicely the kids are playing is a good ice breaker.

Many parents are leery of strangers in the park, and conversation may move toward establishing who they may know in common... through pre-school, school, park & rec programs, library programs, lessons, sports, church/temple/synagogue, etc.

Mentioning that their child seems bright, might invite further conversation. Mentioning something you found interesting on Hoagie's may be a great way to bring up gifted without mentioning the G word.

Inquiring whether they come to the park on a regular schedule, because the kids seem to enjoy each other's company, would not be uncommon.

Exchanging contact information might be less common if you've not established knowing a mutual friend, co-worker, etc, because we are simply living in creepy times and is not unheard of for someone to stalk a person, break into their home when they are known to be gone (such as to the park), etc.

Just my 2 cents.

That's awesome that your son has met a like-minded friend!

We have "calling cards" made up for our kids that they can give to new acquaintances. It has their first names and parental info (first names, email, and cell phone). DD8 gives them to kids she's become friendly with at the park, and tells the recipients to have their parents contact us if they want to get together again. Almost no one ever does (I suspect most think we're nuts), but there have been a couple of kids we've met at homeschool events who have appreciated getting them.

They were recommended for Summit, which is why we got them in the first place.

I love the idea of those calling cards, however I feel in NZ I would be put on the "never approach this woman" list.

I think Indigo's ideas are sound, I get funny about people wanting to swap numbers, not because of the creep factor, but I'm a little anti social and I find it awkward.

I usually chat with any parents whose children DS enjoys, and just give out my business cards, which I always have on hand, and ask for people's contact information point blank if there's a good match, in that order. If someone is put off by me and my son, who are outwardly normal, nice, clean-cut people showing interest in a friendship then, IMO, it's a red flag about them. Life is too short to miss opportunities for friendships because of social awkwardness. I've made some of my best friends in adulthood by striking up conversation spontaneously. Why should it be different for children?

I was pleased to hear DS say in response to another parent's comment at the park about "stranger danger" that, in most cases, a stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet. We've become a society so paranoid about remote dangers that we lose sight of living in low-risk situations, so I was pleased to see DS exhibiting a balanced view of personal safety.

I say go for it, within your DS' earshot. Even if the other parent is disinterested, at least your DS will know you went to bat for him.

I would approach the other parent and try to set up a playdate at the park for another day. If that goes well, you could try for a home playdate.

I'm assuming this is in response to my comment. I think it is great that you are so easily able to make friends, not all of us are born with this gift, personally it is something I have working on my entire adult life and still struggle with. Please don't suggest that their is something wrong with folks who find it difficult to make small talk with people they don't know, it takes all types.

We have found homeschoolers to among the most open and trusting people.

Because DYS Summit is a closed group, everyone knows someone in common, and DITD has everyone's info... some may say this is more akin to a company picnic or extended family reunion, rather than strangers meeting in a park?

Personally, I would not invite strangers from the park into my home unless or until we had established having mutual acquaintance(s), and I had researched them online. There are pedophiles in every neighborhood, people with alcohol or other drug dependency issues, child pornography issues, various forms of mental illness, etc, who do pass for normal. While some may find these issues to be few-and-far between, I am aware of top school districts who've employed individuals with one or more of these issues (and whose dismissal was covered by media). I would tend to advise erring on the side of caution.

No, it wasn't in response to your comment. I was suggesting that if anyone we meet in person feels DS and I are a security threat or being inappropriate by being friendly, then they have some underlying issues, because we are so obviously non-threatening. My point was that I won't curtail general friendliness--or encourage DS to do so--on the expectation that someone might take offense at my overture, because it could result in lost opportunities that we'd have otherwise enjoyed absent the concern of how others might mis-perceive us.