Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Appropriate ages for various make-up items

DD has been questioning me on the make-up issue, mostly because some of her friends are already into make-up. My initial thought was that she should wait till high school when she will be 14, but she has been pushing for me to commit to allowing her to wear make-up when she turns 13. That won't be for another year but I am not ready to even think about it now!

Am I way off the norm here?

We are a low-to-no makeup household, mostly as a family-culture thing, not really as a specific value. Since they were quite young, we have talked about how the primary function of makeup in adults is to approximate the natural skin tone and color of youth, which is why wearing makeup in one's early adolescence is a bit like gilding the lily. No intrinsic harm in it, but also not nearly as much aesthetic value as one might think, either. Makeup or no makeup is not that important. Healthy habits (that lead to healthier skin and hair) and healthy attitudes (that value and appreciate a wide range of healthy physical attributes) are more important.

I will say that, having frequent interaction with high-schoolers in a cosmetology vocational program, I do see some young ladies with very tasteful, age-appropriate makeup.

Bottom line, there's no specific age in our house, but no one's asked for it yet, either.

Meh-- I indulged this with DD starting when she was about 12-13 and had friends who wore make-up. Our major concern was that purchased items had to be safe for her to use (allergy concerns).



I taught her some technique, and let her experiment. Covered skin CARE more than anything else.

Now that she's 16, most of the luster is gone. She uses makeup to subtly alter her apparent age, which is socially/professionally useful as an accelerated person.

Nail polish was even earlier. Maybe 9 or 10?


I really don't wear much makeup now, and haven't since I was in my 20's, but I also think it's a useful skill and a personal decision.

I'd see if you can get away with coloured gloss and tinted moisturiser. Some good quality products along with a book on how to apply?

I'll hold off as long as possible with my dd but I really wish my mum had put a little time into helping me develop my appearance. I think I missed out on some professional opportunities and perhaps some "high caliber" dating because I came a cross as very unsophisticated in my appearance in my late teens. I hope to give dd a feeling that make up / stylish dressing is a way of putting your best self forward rather than something vain people do which was the prevailing attitude in my home growing up.

i never wear it as I can't stand the smell and can't afford the ones that don't irritate my skin. That said 13 is the age I give my kids for a lot of things and seems a fair age. If you are coming into summer tinted sunscreen and lip protection may do the trick while providing protection. Sort out who pays and discuss the hygiene aspects (don't share lipstick with someone who isn't related or whatever you think is important) first though. Sunscreen is a household expense in NZ.

I use a tinted moisturizer with sunscreen...covers all three things in one shot in the morning. Sunscreen with zinc in the afternoon. Lip balm with sunscreen when in the sun and tinted lip gloss at other times.

I will be sending DD to a family friend who is really good at this stuff, probably at 12 or 13. I was not taught it and I regret it. Right now, DD is allowed tinted lip gloss and nail polish.

I guess 12-13 is the consensus. It just seems early to me because I don't think I started wearing make-up until about 15. I actually don't have an issue with nail polish - DD makes me draw the designs on her nails since she has trouble drawing with her left hand.

I think it depends on location too - the girls my girls hang out with don't use makeup yet (older dd is 13, going into 8th grade). Her friends will wear light eyeshadow and mascara/liner when they are dressing up for some special event, and they wear clear lip gloss mostly to keep their lips from chapping, but that's about it. They are much more into hair braids than makeup. They all have learned how to apply makeup though, because they dance/skate/etc and every type of activity that has a recital requires makeup caked on thick enough to see it from 100 miles away lol.

I volunteer at my ds' high school, and while some of the girls there wear makeup to school, there are also a lot who don't. So maybe it's a regional thing.... (or non-thing?)

polarbear

DD is about two years ahead of where I was growing up in terms of both physical and emotional maturity. I started wearing makeup full bore at 14 and she's now into it at 12. I never had anyone to show me and I think I was pretty inexpert at it. Shoot, I'm still inexpert and rarely wear it.

I'm kind of with HK on this one. We indulge her and if something looks completely inappropriate on her we send her back to wash her face before we leave the house. We also discuss issues like quality, animal testing, etc. Needless to say, she pays for her own makeup. She learns from YouTube how to apply it, and I have to say she's pretty good at it compared to where I was at her age. She's also very feminist in her attitude toward it. She's made it clear that she wears it for herself, because it's fun and she likes how it looks, and is not wearing it to impress anyone else (let alone some GUY). ;-)

And, as a side note, we also let her do anything (and I mean anything) to her hair at this point. It's currently purple. None of this is anything like a big deal where we live (her school secretary has rainbow colored hair).

I figure if you can't experiment with this stuff when you are a kid and the stakes are low, when can you? If I didn't have a professional job, I'd let my hair go grey and then dye it neon blue. But I do have a very professional job, where the hair would impact my relationship with our clients (particularly the international ones).

My parents were very strict about make-up and I complained bitterly throughout junior high when I was the only one (or so I thought) in my whole school who was not allowed to wear make-up. I was less strict about this with my DD, but she seems to have little interest in make-up. She usually wears none on the weekends and only a small amount on occasion to school.

I am, however, stricter than Ivy re: hair color. My kids have never dyed their hair, even though they had friends with pink or blue hair in elementary school. I'm also probably stricter than most parents in our neighborhood, though-- no cell phones in elementary or early middle school, no solo dating until 16, etc. I'd rather have my kid feel like he/she is being wild by dyeing hair in college than to be jaded because he/she was allowed to do everything at a young age. I do acknowledge that I am probably in a minority, though.

I think make up and hair color are related but orthogonal issues. Both are about identity, but makeup is much more about a gender normative, sexualized version of identity... while colored hair or piercings, etc are about a rebellious, counter normative version of identity. Personally, I would sanction or mildly encourage the counter normative expressions while being suspicious of the mainstream sexualized versions in a tween. I wouldn't ban either of those in junior high. Either way some discussions about identities and their consequences seem in order.

Raptor_dad, I think you have an interesting and not inaccurate view of this. But I did wonder if she wears makeup and colors her hair, do they cancel each other out?

Still, while I don't think colored hair is sexualized, I also don't think it's necessarily counter normative... at least not where I live.

I definitely agree that having discussions about society, identity, etc. is really critical.

I wore a lot of makeup starting by 8yo for theater productions. By the time my classmates were begging to wear makeup I was over it. DD at 8 is after my lip gloss, which I think is pretty typical. Right now she gets a dab for special outings.