Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Sibling Rivalry

Seems to be escalating with DS8. (Younger sibling is 5.) Lots of blaming younger child as the bane of his existence and the root of all his behavioral issues (i.e., that lead to him getting in trouble). So, we not only have to manage this issue of not taking ownership of his own behavior (ex. striking out at sibling for being in his space) but have some concerns over helping him manage this relationship/jealousy/etc.

Any been-there, done that references or suggestions would be appreciated.

I recommend some secret agent work, observing their interactions when they don't know you're observing. The dynamics you observe would inform your management strategy.

Older DS may not be entirely wrong here. Many younger sibs are known to deliberately manipulate their elders into getting themselves into trouble.

Davidson Database has an an article by Sylvia Rimm

Duke TIP offers Q&A, advice from experts.

One idea is to make and post a list of simple rules. In some families, the children work with the parent(s) to make the list. Refer to the list often and update as needed. The list will proactively manage expectations as to what behavior is unacceptable. Conversations about the list might include: "If child A breaks rule 1, does that mean it is ok for child B to also break rule 1 (or to break rule 2, etc)?" A list of good behaviors (which may be complimented, reinforced, and/or praised) might also be posted.

The acrimony may diminish simply with the passage of time. Our eldest son used to call his younger brother "annoying" a lot but does not do that now. When one our children is away for a sleepover or camping trip, the others miss him or her. Occasional separations may remind a child that he or she is lucky to have a sibling.

It's a long-time classic, but I really like Siblings Without Rivalry.

Yes, me too. I think a must read.